List of Worries
by Caelum Tsubasa
Summary: Shuichi has finally upped and left Yuki forever. At the same time, Suguru has also left his family behind. But while the two boys seem to be building a life together, Tohma and Yuki have other plans for their futures. CHAPTER THIRTEEN FINALLY UPDATED!
1. Loveless

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. I like to buy things related to it, though.

A --- indicates a scene change. Text without quotations is not spoken.

_Italics are internal dialouge/thought._

"Quotations are spoken dialouge."

(Reposted because of format errors.)

Chapter One- Loveless

"YUKI!" Shuichi Shindou flung open the door to the apartment, arms wide and ready to glomp his blonde-haired lover as he usually did when he came home from the recording studio. However, today he ended up kissing the floor.

"Yuki? Ow…" Shuichi lifted himself off the floor and began searching the spacious apartment, slightly concerned that he had greeted the hardwood panels instead of the man he loved, rubbing his nose. Maybe he was in his office. Eiri Yuki was a master novelist, after all. And Shuichi did remember him grumbling how his little pink baka kept distracting him from his work by teasing him… Shuichi, not being the brightest of individuals, had to think about what about his appearance or mannerisms could be so bad for Yuki's concentration… until he became distracted by his lover's call to bed, and promptly forgot about the matter. At the moment he wondered if it would be wise to check in on the irritable novelist. If he had a deadline coming up, then he would need as much quiet and space as possible. Deciding that that was the reason for the stillness of the house, Shuichi relaxed on the couch with a cup of strawberry milk and flipped to the music channel. He'd simply glomp Yuki when he emerged into the kitchen for something to eat.

---

"Suru-chan, please listen to me, I'm not trying to make your life miserable. I just want you to be happy!"

"Shut. The hell. Up." Suguru Fujisaki stopped dead in his tracks, turning around slowly to face the woman who was pleading with him. "If you had wanted me to be happy, you wouldn't have let that… that..." he couldn't finish his sentence, too disgusted for words. He simply turned back around and continued to collect what small belongings he had. The woman framed in the doorway watched sadly and with a hint of anger in her eyes, but said nothing, seeing as her son-in-law was right. She shouldn't have done what she did, but still…

"Suru-chan, I'm still your aunt, and I love you very much…" her trembling and emotional voice had no effect on the teen. He continued to go around his tiny room- a closet, really- checking to make sure he hadn't left anything that he wanted to keep unpacked.

_I should have done this years ago, _he thought to himself.

"Please forgive me, I wasn't myself… Suru-chan, I don't want you to leave me… I'll be all alone…"

"Then you should have thought about that before you decided to get drunk and bring that bastard home with you. I'm tired of your excuses."

Finished packing, he whipped around and glared at her full on with the patented family look of contempt and disgust- a small, thin smile with no warmth in it and icy-cold eyes full of enough disdain to make even the proudest of men crumble into nothing. Though she may be family, Suguru had never felt much love for her. Or any one else, for that matter. It had always been one thing after another…

"You and your whore-friends are out of my life for good now."

His aunt let him pass without a word until he got to the door of the apartment. "Suru-chan, where are you going to go? Can't you stay a little longer, just for me? For the sake of the family?" Her quiet plea seemed to be thunder in Suguru's ears. But like his cousin, he reigned in his raging temper and kept a dangerous smile on his face.

"What family?" he asked, just as quietly, just as sadly. "All I ever was to you was a toy to impress the sluts you'd bring home. My mom and dad couldn't care less about me either- I'm just a source of amusement to them. The only one who seems to give a damn about me any more is Tohma, though even he seems to be less sympathetic now that we're rivals."

As his mother-in-law broke down in tears, Suguru left her with an emotionless "Goodbye."

---

"Mou, I wonder what he's writing…"

Shuichi was still on the couch, several hours after he had arrived home, and slightly annoyed that he couldn't express his love to Yuki. The irritable blonde hadn't come out of his study yet, which worried Shuichi as well, but he had learned from past experience that it was best to let the writer finish what he was writing- no matter how long it took him. So right now the little pink baka's thoughts mostly concerned himself and the preparation a microwave dinner. He was starving. Surely, Yuki would forgive him for eating without him, just for tonight. Forcing himself to move, Shuichi staggered into the kitchen area to heat up some rice and a mug of tea. He didn't want to make anything fancy incase Yuki came out and demanded something too- then he'd heat up something else. Besides, Rage had threatened him with annihilation if he didn't curb his love for sweet and fattening foods. Shuichi wasn't fat- he worked out at least three to four times a week- but Bad Luck's crazy manager had decided that all of them should be eating better. They were planning to go on-tour again in a few months and she wanted everyone to be the epitome of physical fitness and nutrition.

Mulling over the impending doom he was likely to face when he showed up tomorrow with no new songs written for their tour, Shuichi finished his dinner and cleaned up, debating whether or not he should put something in for Yuki. In a fit of selfishness he decided that if his blonde lover wanted something to eat he could fix it himself. Shuichi headed for the bathroom to take a shower before going to sleep. It was because of this that he failed to hear when the apartment door opened hesitantly and was shut fairly quickly, with more than one pair of feet padding towards the master bedroom.

---

Unable to resist the temptation, Shuichi knocked at the office door. He had to know if Yuki was still writing or had fallen asleep at his laptop, as he sometimes did if he didn't have the energy to pull an all-nighter. If the writer had fallen asleep at the desk, then Shuichi had a blanket ready. He himself was cold in his short-shorts and belly shirt. When he received no answer, he knocked harder. Silence.

"Yuki…?" Shuichi opened the door just a crack to peek inside. He was surprised when both the writer and the laptop were missing. Instead, a note was folded on the table. Wondering what it was about and trying to dispel any misgivings he was having, the rock star entered the room and unfolded the paper. He was relieved to find that it was just a note telling him where Yuki had planned to go.

Shu-

I needed to take my laptop in for repairs today- I think you dropped it one too many times last night, baka. I'm not sure how long it's going to take. Also planning to run some errands afterwards, maybe hit the bar if it's late by the time all's said and done. If I'm not home by dinnertime just fix yourself something- but if you burn down the house, I swear to god I'll rip your balls out and castrate you.

-Yuki

Well, that would explain where he had been, and why he hadn't come home. When Yuki went drinking he usually didn't come back until the early hours of the morning. Shuichi wasn't happy about it, but there was always something that couples had to agree to disagree on. In this case, Shuichi didn't like it when Yuki went out drinking late at night (he had gotten beaten a few times when Yuki got pissed at him for not wanting to have sex at four a.m. on a work day), but Yuki also didn't like how Shuichi was a near-constant ball of energy that never seemed to think. They just accepted their differences and lived together as best they could, and Shuichi himself admitted that all in all, it wasn't so bad. He loved every day of it, in fact, though sometimes he couldn't help but have his doubts…

_I think I'll wait in his room. When he comes home, he might want to go at it again, and I don't want to be dragged out of my bed like last time… that was really hard, explaining my bruises and cuts to everyone. Lucky for me every one thinks I'm a natural klutz, so falling down the stairs from the third level is an acceptable excuse to use, once in a while. Too often and they'll get suspicious. I wish Yuki was a warmer person, and didn't think so little of me all the time, but what can I do? I love him, and that's enough to heal any bruise he might give me… I think…_

Placing his hands on the bedroom door, Shichi had a moment of sadness. Yuki still wasn't kind to him. On top of that, he had really matured over the last year or so, but no one seemed to notice or care. Hiro even continued to treat him like always, expecting him to come crying and wailing whenever Yuki kicked him out of the apartment. The only one who treated him any different was Suguru, but Shuichi personally didn't care all that much. Suguru only talked to him more often, and about trivial things like evading fans and the paparazzi or business; never anything that interested him terribly. He was usually too distant and professional to have a normal conversation with, though Shuichi had tried a few times to get him to open up and realx, to feel more welcome into his and Hiro's friendship, but the boy seemed content to stay out of it and seclude himself as much as possible…

_That's a little pointless of him, but what can you do? He's probably so busy he doesn't have time to make friends anyway… just like Yuki. Hell, Yuki hardly says "hello" to me anymore! It's like as soon as I start to grow up, people just either ignore me or treat me the same. I can't win._

Voices from the other side of the door interrupted his thoughts. His hand was still poised to grab the handle and slide it open, but Shuichi paused to listen. He recognized one- he could pick out Yuki's voice anywhere. But the other… he had never heard it before. It was feminine, husky, and full of desire.

"You sure he won't turn up?"

"Yeah, he's probably already asleep. I told him I went out drinking. He thinks I won't be back until morning, and that I'll probably want to fuck him so hard he'll cry."

_What the hell? What's going on here? I'm his lover- Yuki's mine! He said so himself…_ Shuichi's hand twitched as the woman's voice spoke again.

"My my, you've got him trained so well. He must make a wonderful little pet." His temper flared at being called a "pet". Sure, he was always on the bottom and usually did what he was told, but that didn't mean he was someone's bitch!

"Not really… he complains a lot and never shuts up. I can't stand him…"

_No… Yuki, you don't mean that… you can't mean it…_

"So why keep him around?"

_He loves me!_

"He follows me everywhere; I can't get rid of him. I can tolerate the whining because he's pretty good in bed."

… _No… I'm not… a toy…_

"Hmm. So, when's the last time you had a _real_ sex partner?"

Shuichi couldn't believe what he was hearing. This couldn't be happening, he had to be drunk… but Yuki never got that way… no, this was real… it was terrifyingly real…

_I-I can't believe this!_

"Too damn long. Let's get to it." Yuki's voice had taken on the quality that said he was ready to play. Shuichi's heart was stabbed each time he heard his lover growl, grunt, pant, and hiss with pleasure. Yuki was really cheating on him! He was tempted to run in there and scream, to demand an explanation from both of them. How long had they been seeing each other? How long had Yuki been doing this? Were there more people lined up, just as they did in bookstores to receive his signature? WHY? But he didn't have the strength of will. He couldn't take it any longer… the abuse, the neglect, the admission that he, Shuichi Shindou, was just another play toy in bed. Going to his room for the last time, Shuichi set about packing his things and scrawling a hasty, hate-filled and tear-stained note. He still loved the novelist with all his heart. But his love was no longer blind either. It was time for him to go, and leave Yuki alone once and for all.

Yuki-

I heard you and that bitch in your room. Since I'm just a toy to you, I suppose it won't matter much to you that I'm leaving. At least you'll get the quiet you've wanted since I started living here.

Love,

Shuichi

It was too early in the morning to call Hiro. Shuichi simply wandered the streets, his backpack crammed with clothes and some personal items. He carried a shopping bag with his blankets and pillow- Yuki had bought him the futon, and at the moment he wanted to leave all his memories of the novelist behind. The young rock star couldn't help but cry as his feet took him past familiar sites- the intersection where Yuki had almost run him over, the first club they had gone to together, the first restaurant that Yuki had ever taken him to, the bookstore that Shuichi had shown up at to get his autograph, just to surprise him and make him smile, and… this was…

The bridge that Shuichi now stood on was where they had looked over across the water during a sunset last year. The approaching dawn reminded him of that night, and he played the scene through his head, matching the conversation word-for-word as he and Yuki exchanged vows that they would never be unfaithful to each other. Sniffing and wiping his eyes, Shuichi sank down and curled into a ball, hugging his knees. Yuki was his poison, his drug- he couldn't live without the man even though he was source of his misery.

_He promised this wouldn't happen… he promised…_

---

Suguru sighed in despair as his cousin's phone rang endlessly. He must be talking to his wife, Mika, who had left Japan to do… something or other. He didn't know, and at this point, he couldn't honestly say that he cared either. If Tohma was going to be talking until this hour in the morning- it was almost four o'clock now- then he needed to stop calling and try to get some sleep. At the moment he was outside the NG building waiting for it to open. His cell phone batteries were almost dead any way. Over the tops of the buildings, Suguru could see that dawn wasn't far away...

_Wonderful, I'll get to see my first sunrise out on a park bench in front of my cousin's company building. How lucky I must be…_

Despite himself, Suguru found that he was having trouble keeping his eyes open. He fought it at first, since he didn't want to be found by any one coming to NG early, but he soon gave in. The constant stress he had been under was just too much for the poor teen. Between school, Bad Luck, and his aunt's habit of bringing home strangers that were looking for a good time, he was worn out and exhausted to the bone. Of course, he never let that interfere with his schoolwork or job as the synth player for the band… no, personal matters were best left to be dealt with when one was alone. He couldn't understand how Rage, Hiro, or any one else could put up with Shuichi, who let his problems with Yuki affect the entire band's future. If he had a fight with that damn novelist, then they were all pretty much screwed until he got over it.

_Rage only allows it because she has a major crush on him, and Hiro's been friends with him for years so he's probably used to it… but… I don't know. Shuichi's become a bit more mature over the past year since he and Yuki-san got serious. It's a pleasant change, though I wish he wouldn't keep telling us how wonderful Yuki-san is and how Yuki-san can do no wrong… one day, he's going to get his heart broken for good by that cold man, and then where will we be…?_

Suguru's thoughts drifted away from the lovesick singer and to his own dilemmas. He didn't have anywhere to stay, and now that he was thinking about it, he didn't really want to live with Tohma. The two of them were too much alike to get along very well. Oh, they were very professional and easy-going at work, but they had had a strained relationship ever since Suguru's parents had kicked him out of the house when he was ten. It hadn't been his fault, but then again most things weren't. He just seemed to attract negative energy.

_Tohma would try to keep me under his thumb at all times if I requested to live with him, so I can't ask him. Thank goodness he never picked up his phone… so who can I stay with? I'm still seventeen, so I can't own my own home… I'll have to share the rent with someone else. But who? Hiro's got his own one-room apartment, but that would be too crowded. Rage scares me and I don't think she's very sane at all. Shuichi's living with Yuki-san, but he'd be my last resort any way… oh, what am I going to do…_

He couldn't help it- he was fading fast. Just as the top of the sun appeared on the roofs of the skyscrapers, Suguru had one final thought before slipping out of consciousness.

_I can't keep a single important promise I make…_

A/N: Oh, cliché, cliché, cliché! XD Well? First chappie of the first fic I've ever taken longer than twenty pages! (Yes, I have the second chapter, but I'm saving it to see what kind of feed-back I get here. o.o;) To tell the truth, I have about oh, maybe half of it written… probably a little (or a lot) less. I'm re-doing a great deal of the plot structure in the third chapter… ever notice how a lot of these fics seem to end up with a character or two in the hospital AT LEAST once? Yesh, I was guilty of it, but I'm changing it, though the ending I have in mind MAY incriminate me… heh heh heh. Tiny little teaser. . But we'll see. I often have problems keeping my story ideas on-track even though I write them down in an orderly fashion, yet it usually seems to work itself out in the end. Yays!

Next up, Chapter Two- Lonely!


	2. Lonely

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. I like to buy things related to it, though.

A --- indicates a scene change. Text without quotations is not spoken.

_Italics are internal dialouge/thought._

"Quotations are spoken dialouge."

--- Chapter Two- Lonely---

"Hey, are you Shindou Shuichi-san of Bad Luck? Can I have your autograph, PLEASE?"

"Ngg… what…?" Shuichi shook his head, trying to clear it up. Where was he? And why was someone asking for his autograph? "Where am I…?"

The voice who had asked him for his signature gasped, excited. "Did you get drunk and wander around? Did Yuki Eiri-san kick you out? That must be it! Are you going to go back to him? His he still your lover?" Shuichi's violet eyes traveled slowly upwards- he wasn't quite awake yet- to look into a pair of brown ones. The girl who was staring down at him seemed to be younger than him, maybe fifteen or so. What was she doing out here so early…?

"Uh, do you have the time?"

"Yep! It's almost quarter to six." So she was probably on her way to school. He stood up, pulled out a scrap of paper and a pen with strawberries on it. He paused before signing it and handing the paper to the girl, who screamed and ran away to catch her train, thanking him. Yuki had given him that pen… why did he take it with him? Still not awake enough to care all that much, Shuichi started walking towards NG. He'd surprise everyone by being there much earlier than was necessary, instead of being late like he normally was… Yuki hadn't kept him up for most of the night this time… and he was still too upset and angry to sleep…

His thought process remained stuck in that cycle for a while as he slowly made his way towards the recording studio. Why did Yuki break his promise? What had he done to make Yuki become so unfaithful?

_Probably nothing,_ the bitter part of his mind sighed._ That man doesn't need a reason for any thing he does; he just goes ahead without a care. You just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time._

_No, I must have done something… is it because I'm younger than him? Is it because we're both famous, and the damn paparazzi vultures kept following the two of us everywhere we went? Is it because… I'm gay? No, he fucked me almost every night. He said he didn't care that I was gay about a year after we had met, and I had just started living with him… It has to be something else. I must suck so badly in bed that he felt he needed someone who knew what they were doing… but wait…. he told that whore that he only kept me around because I _was_ a good partner… was…_ Confused more than ever, Shuichi started to cry harder. It was all his fault again. Everything was his fault.

_I wish… I had someone to talk to…_

The sound of someone quietly crying reached him and the rock star stopped, trying to hear where it was coming from. In checking his surroundings, he realised that he had arrived at NG studios. Who could be out here so early… it was almost six thirty, according to the giant clock on the side of the building. Okay, maybe not so early. But the building didn't officially open until seven. From the sounds they were making, it sounded like a small child. Perhaps it was one of the many children who went missing each year… trying to find their way home…

His own problems temporarily forgotten, Shuichi tried to locate the poor thing to comfort him or her and let them call home to their parents, who were probably worried sick. It seemed it was coming from one of the park benches… yep, definitely from over there…

Shuichi was stopped cold when he saw who it was. It wasn't a little kid, it was… Suguru. The keyboardist was asleep on a bench, head resting on a bag of what looked like clothes and some other things. Tears were running down his face as he whimpered in his sleep.

_S-Suguru? What's he doing out here, especially in his nightclothes? Did he run away from home? Why's he crying…?_ Wondering if it was safe to approach him and whether waking him up was a good idea, he quietly walked over and knelt down so he was almost face-to-face with his band mate. Suguru's tears were still coming fast… _something bad must have happened if he's all the way out here like this_, Shuichi thought. _The poor guy… he may be arrogant and a little cold towards us, but if he's upset like this, something must be going on at home… especially if he's crying in his sleep… then maybe, just maybe he had his reasons for being so mean. Maybe he just didn't know how to make friends_… _man he's so adorable in his sleep. Almost like a little kid… woah, where did that come from?_ The vocalist's expression softened as he gently ran his hands through Suguru's soft hair. The boy was a lot like his cousin Tohma, hardly ever saying anything about himself or his private life, and very little even when asked. Any number of things could have happened to make him cry like this, and even if Shuichi wasn't sure why he thought Suguru was adorable, he wanted to help. Suguru had offered some pretty good advice in the past… even if it was in an excessively sarcastic and demeaning tone of voice.

_What's wrong, Suguru? What's going on? _Shuichi put his finger on Suguru's cheek, wiping away the tear that was there. Despite himself and his storm of internal emotions, looking at the teen's face calmed him down enough that he didn't even realise it when he fell asleep, his forehead touching the others.

---

_Suguru Fujisaki walked through the house he grew up in as a small child. The lights were dimmed and the twilight outside offered very little in the way of illumination, but he didn't need it. He knew where everything was by heart. The living room where he was now was very bare- no carpet, an ancient couch, a dilapidated coffee table, and a small television set that only showed a snow of static. The tiny, lone window in the room looked out to the street of the residential district of Tokyo. Moving into the narrow hallway where the ancient wood creaked with his every step, he passed the kitchen and welcoming area, trying not to gag with the smell of unwashed dishes and the heaps of trash that had never found their way to the dumpster. The floor was extremely dirty and in need of repair. Small shadows skittering away in the corner of his vision let him know that he wasn't alone in the house… no, he was never alone… _

_Continuing into another narrow hallway, he passed by the bathroom with a shudder. As Tohma had said half-jokingly so many years ago, it was a minor miracle that he wasn't deathly afraid to go in one, after what he had been through… most people would have. That night, his parents blamed him for the incident, but it hadn't been his fault… it wasn't his… it was theirs, his parents forced it upon him… _

Suguru?

_Images of blood and screams flashed through his head; a child's innocent trusting face looked up at him, slightly confused but still smiling._

"_Onii-chan?"_

_No…_

"_Onii-chan!"_

_He was an only child…_

Suguru, are you alright?

_He was the only one…_

Suguru!

_He had been the victim…_

Wake up!

_He, the victim, was being blamed… it never ended, the cycle of blame…_

Suguru, WAKE UP!

His green eyes flashed open to stare at the blue sky overhead. It took Suguru a moment to register why he was outside on an uncomfortable bench, shaking and having trouble breathing. Then he remembered the words he had exchanged with his aunt only a few hours ago and shuddered, remembering also what had happened to cause him to leave. Speaking of which, he was now homeless as well….

_Great… more problems…_

"Oh Suguru, please wake up!" a familiar voice cried.

"Shuichi, why are you hugging me? And why are you here?" He inclined his head to stare at the pink haired baka. Shuichi's eyes were full of tears, and he looked like he wanted to curl up and die at the moment. He was blushing at being caught hugging his friend, but he also had a slightly concerned expression on his normally carefree face.

"Mou, um… you were crying in your sleep… so… I thought you were lonely, and I wanted to keep you company until you woke up, but I fell asleep too… and I woke up when you started to shake and whimper… so I tired to wake you up too, but you didn't and only started to cry harder, and I was afraid…" Shuichi looked away and bit his lip. Why was he saying all this? He didn't want Suguru to know that. He would probably be laughed at now.

When his friend looked away, Suguru felt a surge of emotions. He couldn't help but think "Idiot…" and "He's so cute when he does that!" at the same time, which made his cheeks flush a little bit. That wasn't natural. Shuichi may be attracted to other men, but Suguru definitely wasn't. He decided to chalk it up to his usual morning grogginess and left it at that, until he realised Shuichi's hand was dangerously close to his own. That caused him to turn a deeper shade of red than before, and in a moment of indecision, he placed his hand on Shuichi's.

"It's- it's okay. Thanks." He tried not to look as the idiot's head turned towards him questioningly. Suguru kicked himself mentally- he should have given the baka a gruff thanks and pulled away. But while he thought about it, he also realised that their hands were still touching, and for some strange reason he didn't want to take it away. Shuichi's hand was soft, and smaller than he had imagined it would be.

_W-wait! Since when have I imagined his hands, or anything else about him! This isn't right...!_

Shuichi couldn't believe his ears. Had Suguru Fujisaki, the mean synth player of Bad Luck, just admitted appreciation to him? Even now he was blushing, probably embarrassed that he had let his cold exterior drop for a moment.

_He's so cute! That's it- I'm going to be really nice to him so he opens up more. He isn't mean because that's his personality, he just doesn't know how to interact with other people very well! He'll probably be really mean to me for a while, but so was Yuki… Yuki… why…_

Suguru started as Shuichi suddenly burst into tears. Why was the guy such a spaz? He decided to wait it out- his crying fits didn't usually last long. As the minutes ticked by, however, he was starting to grow more and more awkward by the moment as Shuichi just cried buckets of tears onto their hands. In an attempt to calm down the upset singer, he hesitantly reached with his other hand to ruffle his pink hair, finding to his surprise- and secret liking- that it was soft and smelled faintly of strawberry and vanilla shampoo. He had to consciously restrain himself from leaning forward to inhale the scent. What in the world was wrong with him this morning!

_I must be incredibly tired… it couldn't have been good for me to sleep outside on a bench like this… oh, crap, I'm not even dressed to be outside… and it's probably close to opening time, which means I have to change and get presentable fast… _Suguru made to get off the bench, but Shuichi just held on to his hand tighter, resting his head on it. It was obvious what he was saying: "Don't leave me yet!"

_Is this what Hiro puts up with every time he gets upset? He's an amazing friend! I suppose I can't leave him here… that would be cruel. But I really need to change! _

Squinting so he could see the clock, he started to panic when he read the time as 6:54. People would be showing up any minute! He looked around frantically, trying to see if any one else was coming, failing to notice the tall figure sneaking up behind him.

"Boo."

Both teens jumped a mile. Hiro stood behind them, watching with amusement as Shuichi tried to figure out what was going on now, and Suguru put his hand to his heart, looking as if he had had the scare of his life.

"Ohayo! What are you guys doing here so early?" He kindly didn't mention the fact that both of them seemed to have forgotten how to dress themselves.

_There must be a reason behind it, even though it's probably a crazy one. I wonder what they were up to?_

"HIRO!" Shuichi launched himself on to his best friend, clinging to him and continuing to cry. Figuring that this was his chance to escape, the synth player hurriedly grabbed his things and headed towards the back entrance to the building to get changed in the bathroom. He could explain everything later- Hiro wouldn't make any judgments until he heard the story behind it.

_Shuichi had better be eternally grateful he has such an understanding and caring friend. I know I'd be if I did… unfortunately, I just can't seem to open up. But I don't really mind since I wouldn't have time to form deeper bonds with people. If it's not the band, then it's school, and I have to maintain my position at the top of the class, even if I'm not going to go to college after I graduate. I don't care what Tohma says- he put me in this crazy situation and I'm going to see it through to the end! Besides, when you get past the fact that two out of the three are insane and one could probably destroy all of Japan if they wanted to, it's not so bad. Rage is a serious threat to our health, but as long as Shuichi does most of what she wants, she's fine. And Shuichi himself is too stupid to be capable of anything on his own… the only things he has going for him are an innate ability to write music and sing. Those and his sexy body… NO! No, no, no, no…_

Walking over to splash his face with water from the sink, he accidentally slipped and hit his head on the edge as he fell, landing on his stomach. The world spun in and out of his vision as he tried to register what happened, feeling a splitting headache coming on.

"Ah… damnit…" He got up shakily to check for any obvious damage. A massive bruise was forming where his head had made contact, already swelling and turning black and purple.

_That's going to be really nasty and impossible to cover up… this just isn't your day today, is it Fujisaki?_

---

"So, Shuichi… why were you and Suguru out there like that? You do realise that other people are awake that early in the morning too, right? What's up?"

"Y-Yuki cheated on m-me!" He wailed, wiping his eyes.

"Yeah, you said that- about a hundred times already, and he's a worthless, cold-hearted bastard for doing it. But was Suguru making fun of you or something?"

"No, he w-was being nice…" Shuichi stopped crying profusely and stared down at the floor, still sniffling. "He actually thanked me…"

"What? You've got to be kidding! That kid's just as bad as Tohma!"_ And he didn't care I just insulted the love of his life either… that's unnatural._

"No he isn't, he's just not sure how to act around other people. And he really was nice to me, even though I was crying all over his hand and all."

"How'd you figure that out?" _I'll ask about them being in their nightclothes later- obviously there's more going on than Shuichi's willing to tell me. But that's insane, thinking Suguru's actually capable of being kind to other people. We've been together as a band for a whole year, and the only nice things he's ever said to us were after concerts! Even then he acted like he was our coach or something… it's only been in the past few months that he's shown any signs of real humanity in him. But making a jump from not freaking out over Shuichi's chronic lateness to actually trying to comfort him is too big to be feasable!_

"Because he was blushing after he said 'thanks', and he had just woken up, so I figure that he was embarrassed at letting his nasty personality drop because he was too tired to realise it at first. He ruffled my hair too." _Suguru would kill me if I told Hiro that he held my hand as well… I'll just let him think that I did that._ "I'm going to be nicer to him, now that I know he's just awkward."

Hiro couldn't help but stare at his best friend for an incredulous moment before asking another question. Since when did the baka think things through like this? Had he missed something? It was possible- as he and Ayaka had started to become more serious with each other, they had encountered opposition from her parents, since Hiro didn't come from a wealthy or distinguished family. They had begun to soften a bit, but it was very slow going all the same. He had been so wrapped up in his own life that he had failed to notice that the little ball of energy that was Shuichi had matured somewhat.

_We've got to hang out more often- I've fallen behind in keeping track of him._

"Back to the original question… why were you two out there like that? Or do I have to ask Suguru myself?"

"Well, he looked pretty lonely, and I was too, so I walked over to him. He didn't notice because he was already asleep. I was really tired, so I ended up falling asleep next to him…." _Because his face is so cute, and it looked so… what's the word… aw, crap, maybe I should start expanding my vocabulary…_

"And that's all?"

"Y-yeah," he said, wincing as Hiro's eyebrow arched in amusement and speculation. For all he had grown up, he was still a bad liar.

"I think I _will_ ask him after all…"

"Ask who what? Where's Fujisaki? We've got to start!" Rage, their psychotic manager, rushed through the door to the practice room to find two of her charges talking and the third one missing. "It figures! The one day Shindou decides to show up on-time the punctual one is late!"

"Actually, Rage-san, Suguru's here- he's in the bathroom," interjected Hiro politely. _Come to think of it, he's been in there for a while. Perhaps Shuichi doesn't want to tell the whole truth for a very good reason…_

His thoughts were interrupted by someone coming to the door, informing them that Suguru Fujisaki was in his cousin's office at the moment, and that the rest of them were to come up within the next fifteen minutes as well.

"So much for getting started on-time…" Rage sighed, leaning her head back against the wall. "When I saw Shindou's adorable little head in here, I thought that we were actually going to be able to use all of our available time to get that album done, but no… Fujisaki had to go and do something to land us all in trouble!" A dangerous light came into being behind her eyes. "I won't stand for this! He may be an amazing musician, but his attitude really needs some work! I hope he gets fired so we can get a respectable player in here!"

"Rage-san, it's not Suguru's fault! He didn't do anything, honest. Tohma probably just wanted to talk to him. They are related, after all."

"Shindou, why are you defending him? He's clearly in the wrong! And especially how he's almost never nice to you! MY PRECIOUS SHINDOU!"

_Even K-san wasn't this crazy!_ "P-perhaps we should go and see Tohma now? The faster we do so, the faster we can start on the recording."

Rage gulped in a few breaths of air to calm herself down. "Alright, Hiro, I guess we can't argue with that… let's go. We'll set everything up when we get back." She led the way out of the room and in to the elevator, muttering dire threats under her breath. Rage then led them along the long hallway to Tohma's office. Pausing just before opening the door, she added one more thing.

"This means we don't have a break until we finish at least half of the songs! I hope you've written a new one, Shindou."

_Oh, shit! I'm dead!_

---

"Suguru, I'm disappointed in you." Tohma's soft voice echoed slightly in the spacious room, the intense anger in it sending shivers up his cousin's spine. "I had thought we had agreed that you were to stay at my mother's until you were eighteen? As of now, you are only seventeen, if you have forgotten."

"I haven't, but the fact of the matter is, I can't continue to live there any longer. You forgot to tell me a few of her less desirable habits." The president of NG Records had come out of his office himself to retrieve him, and all for the chance to tell him that he, Suguru, wasn't doing something he should. His headache was threatening to overpower him at this point and send him into dreamland, but he didn't show it in his face. There was more than a battle of words going on at the moment.

"Are you implying that one of our family- my own mother, no less- has tendencies that would be considered indecent or frowned upon?"

"Yes, I am, and if you had bothered to stop by once in a while, you would have noticed. I'm surprised you didn't already know about it." Tohma glared at his younger cousin. True, he hadn't gone home for a few years now, but surely not that much had changed. And Suguru was being exceptionally rude this morning, which was very out-of-character for him… maybe it had something to do with that hideous mark on his head.

"For argument's sake, what are these alleged 'bad habits'?"

"She'd bring home loose men after spending a night out on the town, drinking. Ever since your dad died, she'd do that to drown her sorrows, and when she came back with those… people… I'd be thrown in the mix against my will, if you know what I mean." He had to talk carefully and as politely as possible to the enraged man behind the desk now, or else he could find himself in a very drastic situation.

"I see. It seems uncharacteristic of her, but I suppose anything is possible. I'll look into it." He flicked through a spiral-bound phonebook, idly glancing at the massive bruise on his cousin's head. "How did you get that injury? Are you alright?"

_From the most dangerous man on earth to a caring family member in seconds flat. He's so unpredictable._ "I slipped in the bathroom. I'm fine though, it doesn't hurt much."

"If you're sure, then…" Tohma got up from and walked to the front of the desk to stand in front of the smaller boy. They had a glaring match, boring holes into the other's eyes with their deep distrust and dislike of each other. It probably could have gone on for a good while, but the older man laughed quietly and brushed his hands over his cousin's brow, sneering when he fell to the ground in pain.

"It doesn't hurt, hmm? You might want to have that looked at. I've seen things like that incapacitate a person for quite a while…"

_He's probably bluffing. I'll check myself in to the hospital later today to have it looked at, but I doubt it's anything serious. Only a nasty headache._

They didn't say anything else to each other- Tohma returned to his desk to sort through some paperwork and Suguru climbed in to a chair, too dizzy to stand. Minutes passed, and he wondered if he should try to walk again to join the rest of the band in the practice room when a knock sounded at the door.

"Come in."

"Seguchi-san, can we make this quick? We're behind schedule." Rage edged herself through the door with Hiro and Shuichi right behind her.

_Well, we're all here… what does he want with them? _Suguru twitched when a horrible thought came to him._ Is he going to throw me out of the band since I just told him his mom was a drunken whore?_

"I have something to tell you, and I hope you will like what I have to say. However, if you have problems with it… you'll just have to suffer through." A predatory smile formed on his lips as Tohma glanced at each member of Bad Luck individually, assessing them before moving on. "There has been a small change in the matter of your tour."

"WHAT!" Rage ran forward and slammed her hands on the desk, fracturing the expensive wood. "How can you make a change without consulting us first!"

"Easily. I request that you please go back to where you were before you do any more damage," he said pleasantly, the same smile on his face. The infuriated manager complied, though her hatred shone through. Rage had earned her nickname well.

"Now, the tour. You are scheduled to start three months from tomorrow, correct?" Heads nodded in affirmation. "Good. The change I made is this- at a request from Ryuichi, Nittle Grasper will be accompanying you. In a bid for glory, Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper will share the same stage and take Japan by storm, vying for supremacy in a battle of music and talent."

Silence followed this announcement, each with their own thoughts.

_Well, I suppose I don't mind… it's a great chance to prove that we're not just some Nittle Grasper copy-band… I don't think Shuichi could be happier, either. Sounds like fun._

_HOW DARE HE! THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE _OUR_ TOUR! I HATE HIM! NOW HOW IS SHUICHI SUPPOSED TO PROVE THAT HE'S BETTER THAN ANY ONE ELSE ON HIS OWN! HE'LL EASILY LET HIS IDOL TAKE THE LEAD!_

_OHMYGODIT'SADREAMCOMETRUEICAN'TBELIEVETHISISHAPPENINGANDITHINKI'MGOINGTOPISSMYSELFI'MSOHAPPYOHTHANKYOUTOHMARYUICHIANDIWILLGETTOSINGONTHESAMESTAGELIKEMYFIRSTCONCERTANDI'MGOINGTOBEONTOURWITHHIM!_

_Great… the loving older cousin gets to look out for the younger one who really couldn't give a shit either way about him. Wait, no, I could- I despise him. I was looking forward to just spending time with the band, but now Rage is going to be miserable because we're with another band, Shuichi's going to be following Ryuichi everywhere, and Tohma's going to be there… Hiro's going to be the only one I can hang out with, and he talks to Ayaka almost all day when he has the chance!_

"I see not every one is happy with this decision. However, I will also remind you that NG Records is sponsoring the event, so you can either go along with it or disappoint your fans by calling it off." The grin on his face told Suguru that his cousin was going to get exactly what he wanted- a joint tour between the two bands would sell out in a matter of days, bringing in a huge revenue for his company. Tohma never did anything just to satisfy others- he also did something for himself at the same time.

"I guess we don't have a choice, do we! I don't like this change in plans at all, but we'll go along." Rage stomped her foot and looked away, furious with her president. But she knew some of his reasoning behind it too, so they'd go with it.

"Sure, I don't mind." Hiro was holding on to the back of his friend's shirt in case he decided to throw himself on the person who could choose to drop them from his label at the drop of a hat. "I don't have a problem with it."

"THANKYOUSOMUCH!" Shuichi squealed, jumping up and down in his spot, since he wasn't allowed to hug Tohma. It didn't take much to make him happy- he was a simple kind of guy- but this was something that he had only dreamed would happen since he had started with Hiro back in middle school. It was really going to happen!

"Suguru, are you alright with this decision?"

"Of course, Tohma. I could never go against what you want." He got up and bowed sarcastically, fighting to keep himself conscious as the movement sent a rush of dizziness to his head. He'd pay for his insolence, he knew, but for some reason he didn't really care.

"Actually, now that I think about it, Suguru…" Tohma said as he laid eyes on his disoriented cousin, an idea forming in his head. "I'm not sure if I want you to go on-tour with us." He held up his hand to quell the storm of protests. "Hear me out, please. At the moment, Suguru is seventeen, which means he is still in school, and though I hear he's kept up rather well there, for him to miss a month or more to travel Japan would put him very far behind. His family and I would like him to maintain his current class position, and then move on to college after he graduates."

_I'll kill you_, thought Suguru, _I swear to god I'll kill you!_

"Noriko or I could cover his part for the tour. Rage-san, what do you think?" Rage wasn't the one who answered first, however.

"If Suguru isn't coming, then neither am I!" All heads turned to Shuichi, who was now standing protectively next to Suguru. "And if I don't go, then what's the point of saying Bad Luck will be with Nittle Grasper? I'm the lead singer after all and no offense to Hiro or Suguru, but I'm the one the crowd wants to see most. Bad Luck will cancel its joint performance with Nittle Grasper if one or more of its members are not allowed to go with them!"

_Shuichi is… defending me? And why's he standing so close to me? He still smells like strawberries and vanilla… it's… nice…_ His eyes rolled back in his head, and he barely felt it when Shuichi caught him, yelling at him to see if he was alright.

"Suguru! Suguru, what's wrong? Hey…" Shuichi gently lifted away the boy's bangs to fully expose the massive bruise on his forehead. "Where'd he get that? He didn't have it earlier this morning!"

"Ah, he said he slipped in the bathroom. I told him he should have gotten someone to look at it, but he's so stubborn… at any rate, Shindou-san, I'm dismayed to hear that you would rather call off the tour than let one of Nittle Grasper's performers fill in for your synthesizer. However, I'm also happy that you and your band have become so tight. I'll make arrangements with my dear cousin's school to see what he can do about being away for two months."

_I don't want Suguru coming on this tour! However, if Bad Luck doesn't go with us, then we won't bring in as much as we would if both bands went. I'll simply have to arrange it so that Suguru is swamped with work which he'll never be able to finish… by the time it becomes apparent to Shindou-san, it'll be too late and he'll have to come along._

"Thank you, Seguchi-san! I'm sure Suguru will be happy when he wakes up!" The singer looked down at his band mate, a strange feeling inside him. It was similar to how being with Yuki had made him feel, but it was different… he wasn't sure what it was.

"I'm happy we could reach an agreement, Shindou-san. It doesn't seem as if you'll get anything done today with your keyboardist out of commission however, so I hope Rage-san wouldn't mind giving you a day off. You may come back in whenever my dear cousin feels up to working again." If any one caught the slightly sarcastic tone in which he spoke, they didn't mention it. Instead, they thanked the president and left his office, Shuichi and Hiro carrying the unconscious Suguru between them. Rage went ahead to tell the staff that they had a day off, leaving the other two behind in her wake.

"Wow, that was really weird wasn't it, Hiro? I can't believe Seguchi-san would let us go on-tour with Nittle Grasper! It's a dream come true!"

"Yeah! But for someone who's just had one of his life's goals come true, you're being awfully calm about it." Looking at his friend sidelong, he could see concern in those violet eyes.

"You've been really down-beat today, even for what happened between you and Yuki." He winced, forgetting that the mere mention of the author's name was enough to send the lovesick fool into another crying fit. This time, however, Shuichi merely looked down at the boy he was carrying.

"Hiro… Suguru's really thin. I can feel his ribs through his shirt. And his cheeks are a lot paler than they should be, now that I'm looking at him… I don't think he fainted just from hitting his head."

"Really?" he asked quietly, mellowed and a bit surprised by his friend's unusually downhearted tone of voice. "What do you think is wrong with him?"

"I don't know, but I'm worried. I'm not all that strong, and yet … I can carry him without a problem, even though he's almost my height. That shouldn't be. You know…" he paused before going on, not sure whether he should tell his friend what he had heard. "I didn't tell him I heard this, and I don't really think I should tell you either, but when he was asleep… he was crying, and whispering for someone to stop hurting him. He was shaking and flinched sometimes, begging them to stop."

Hiro didn't say anything for a while. When he did, it was in a softer tone of voice. "Shuichi, do you think there's something going on between him and Seguchi-san? They were staring bloody murder at each other back there. And for cousins, they've been pretty distant and cold with one another."

"I don't know… but Hiro, he ran away from home- that's why he was outside this morning, same as me. That's why he took everything with him. We've both run away and don't have anywhere to go."

They reached the lobby and sat down to take a break before parting ways. "I'm going to get my own place, Hiro. I can't live with Yuki and my parents stopped talking to me after I publicly announced I was living with another man." He avoided his friend's concerned look that said 'why didn't you tell me that!' and went on:

"I think I'll invite Suguru to live with me until he can find his own place, since he needs somewhere to go too. Like you said, he and Seguchi-san aren't getting along well at the moment, and he probably doesn't want to go back to his parents since he ran away…"

"Doesn't he have any siblings?"

"No, he's an only child."

"How do you know?"

"I asked him. He's not as cold as you'd think…"

"What about other relatives? Shouldn't he be staying with his own family instead of you? Not that I think you're incapable or anything, but his own blood might be better."

"Somehow, I get the feeling he doesn't want to have anything to do with them. Hiro, stop trying to talk me out of it- I've made up my mind. I'll ask him to stay with me for a while. Besides…" he paused, looking up at the high glass ceiling above them. "He needs someone to look out for him a little bit- obviously he's not taking care of himself, so I'll ask him to live with me." Shrugging, he added; "besides, we're in the same band. We've got to help each other and stick together. It'll be easier to get the songs done, too, since the synth part and the vocals can be tested a little bit before they're actually hashed out in rehersals. It'll save a little time."

"Now you're just making excuses. But I see your point, as vauge and far-away as it is. You guys can crash at my place for a while until you get your own. However, it can't be forever, since it's not exactly roomy."

"Gotcha! Thanks, Hiro! I'll get our stuff, and maybe we can get it all onto your bike…"

"Forget it. I'll take Suguru- you take the bags onto the train."

"But-!"

"No. Riding with you is hazardous enough, not without adding two giant bags of god knows what and an unconcious little shark." Hiro playfully defended himself against Shuichi's riteous anger as the baka tried to tug his long brown hair.

"Hiro! Suguru's not a shark! And I'm good at riding now; I learned after having my face slammed into that sign two years ago! How do I know you won't take him and ditch him at Tohma's or somewhere else?" The real fear in his voice surprised the two of them, and an awkward silence fell over them both. Shuichi resumed absently threading his hands through the still unconcsious synth player's hair as Hiro mulled over Shuichi's sudden distrust of him.

_What's with him today? Since when does he care so much about Tohma's clone? … Enough to suspect me of wanting to be rid of him? Yeah, I tease Suguru and make fun of him, sometimes behind his back, but I'd never do anything like leave him in some godforsaken place… and I don't think I'd even let Tohma get ahold of Yuki Eiri, for all the bastard deserves it. I hope Shuichi isn't falling for someone else so soon. It would never work. If anything, it would be a replacement relationship, not a real one. And besides, Suguru's one of the straightest guys I know._

_How many feet can I stick into my mouth! And why the hell am I being so protective of Suguru? Yeah, he's a band mate and all and I want to be nicer to him, but this…? I just told Hiro that I didn't trust him to keep him safe! I'm not a mother! Fuck, I don't know what's going on… I think the thing with Yuki's been screwing with me more than I thought. I haven't cried as much, but hell, I've been acting so strange that I don't need to. I hate growing up._

Awkwardly, they apologised and agreed to Hiro's plan. Shuichi watched as his two friends sped off towards Hiro's flat. He then went inside to get what he needed and Suguru's bag, then to the terminal and boarded the train. Though the ride was short, he felt like he had been on there for hours, lost in thought.

_I hope I'm not falling for him… he's cute, but I don't think I'll like what's underneath. He might be just as cold as Yuki… I've been wrong before. I've been so far off the mark that I might as well have been -blind._

_---_End Chapter Two---

A/N: Ugh, I hate this chapter- I've hated it since I wrote it in July. It's not rational, nor does it make sense! But I have to have SOMETHING for the sake of plot. Sheesh. And, and, since I'm totally AHHOMGSTRESS about all of this and life, can someone reassure me that this shouldn't be rated M for language or innuendo? I had a really racy last chapter planned, but it got scrapped because of restrictions and my own... um, Catholic-bred innocence?... and therefore, I thought T would be okay. But I need to know that my judgment's correct. Do I lack self-confidence? No... I don't think so. Dunno.

Domo arigatou to KagomeGirl21 for the review! I just hope I don't disappoint too badly with my lackage of writing skillz. (With a "z". You know I'm tired now.)

Chatper Three- Simple Songs is next.


	3. Simple Songs

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. I like to buy things related to it, though.

A --- indicates a scene change. Text without quotations is not spoken.

_Italics are internal dialouge/thought._

"Quotations are spoken dialouge."

---Chapter Three- Simple Songs---

_Open-ended questions answer my calls_

_for credibility, for peace of mind_

_I seek for a home to rest my soul,_

_but in the lateness of the day,_

_the doors are already shut_

_and the people hidden away_

His eyes opened slowly, trying to focus on his surroundings. That song… it was beautiful… but he had never heard it before. Whoever had sung it had a beautiful voice, just as good as Shuichi's. He didn't notice when he fell back asleep, or the hand that was gently intertwined with his.

---

_Lovely colours paint my sky_

_somewhere between sunrise and set,_

_my heart yearns for company_

_though its beats go on in uncaring silence;_

_lives I've touched and never seen_

_are too readily accepting my compliance_

That beautiful song… that wonderful voice… someone was singing to him again…

_Take me high, show me the heaven_

_that we've been taught exists_

_Tear off our wings of hope and tell me_

_that we only need to be as we are_

_Regret is the precursor of despair,_

_and despite the fact my mind is heavy_

_it goes on believing in fairy tales_

_even though I know it's a childish idea_

_it's the only consistency I've ever known_

_an escapist's version of utopia_

_Blue waves come up with the tide in time_

_a steady rhythm, I devote my life to it_

_gently the wind carries away our sense of self;_

_don't tell me there's more to this_

_reveling in a sea of forgotten dreams_

_I try to recapture my innocence_

_Take me high, show me the heaven_

_that we've been taught exists_

_Tear off our wings of hope and tell me_

_that we only need to be as we are_

_Take me high, show me the heaven_

_that we've been taught exists_

_Tear off our wings of hope and tell me_

_that we only need to be as we are_

"Suguru, can you hear me?" That voice was familiar… Hiro?

"Y-yes…" His eyes opened again, this time focusing right away to stare at a blank white ceiling. Where was he?

"Suguru! You're awake!"

"Obviously…" He slowly tilted his head in the direction of the voices, careful to not move too fast and knock himself out again. He remembered hitting his head very hard and having a splitting headache… "Where am I?"

"Hiro's apartment! You passed out in Seguchi-san's office, so we brought you here to make sure you got up okay." Violet eyes came into his view with unabashed concern and worry in their depths. "You're feeling alright, aren't you?"

"As well as I can, I suppose. What's going on with the tour?" he asked, suddenly remembering fragments of what had transpired before he lost consciousness. "Is Tohma really going to…?"

"Nope, he called your school and they agreed to let you go, on one condition. You have to do all the work you're going to miss before you leave." Hiro's voice was kind and understanding. He knew how hard it would be for Suguru to do that, especially since he was in many honors programs that assigned extra work as it was. "Tohma apparently thinks you can handle it all."

_You're wrong, Hiro- he wants to see me crack under pressure. Well I'll just have to disappoint him again, won't I?_ Out loud he said "That's fine, I can do it. How long have I been here?"

"Less than a day. You have a mild concussion, which isn't bad, but I'll be running all sorts of tests on you to see if anything's impaired. Don't worry- any damage you've undergone will fix itself. Nothing's permanent." Hiro patted his band mates' shoulders before excusing himself to go outside and call Ayaka- she had left a message on his cell earlier. The bandages around his head muffled the words Hiro spoke to Shuichi, but Suguru could tell the singer was annoyed by them, waving his friend off like he was a persistent fly. Hiro simply shrugged and left the two of them alone, where they sat in silence for a while, not sure of what to say. Finally, Shuichi spoke.

"Suguru, I had an idea…"

"Speak up. I can't hear you."

"I said I had an idea…"

"Really, what a first. What is it?" Why was he being so mean? The poor guy hadn't done anything to him! He tried to ignore the knot of guilt that formed in his stomach as Shuichi's eyes grew watery. Too late- he'd have to apologize…

"I-I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm acting like this. Please continue."

Shuichi nodded and went on: "Well, I was thinking, since Yuki kicked me out and I have to find my own place, I'd like it if you shared the house with me. I know you ran away from home," he said quietly, but still loud enough for his friend to understand what he was saying, "so how about it? Hiro said we could crash here at his room until we agreed on a place. Besides, when he was studying to be a doctor, he learned a few things, and that's why he pretty much made sure you didn't get hurt any worse or anything, so he wants to watch over you for a little bit. Anyways, would you be willing…?"

Suguru was lost for words. His biggest dilemma had just been solved! Even though he was a little leery about sharing a home with such a klutz, it was still better than having no idea where he was going. He could split the rent and live in peace, away from his insane family…

He gulped and nodded slowly. Salvation had come in the form of a pink-haired idiot.

"Great," said Shuichi happily, but there was still some sadness in his voice. "You're probably going to be really tired today, so we can start looking tomorrow, if you're ready." Shuichi's eyes were misty. He didn't want to admit it to himself- it was too soon after he had broken up with his lover, after all- but he thought he was falling for Suguru Fujisaki.

"Shuichi, who was singing that song?" Sugurur asked, suddenly remembering. He wanted to know, he wanted to know who had written it and sang it. The lyrics sounded familiar, but that wasn't a big issue since they were pretty generic. Yet the melody that they had been put to had been so amazing, he felt calmer just remembering how it went.

"You wrote it," Shuichi said, slightly embarrassed. "There was a manuscript book that fell out of your bag, so I helped myself… sorry about that… but I saw all the arraignments that you did of our songs, so I kept flipping through, and I found this one all the way in the back." He paused, then said almost inaudibly "Why didn't you show it to us? It's amazing."

He _himself _had written it?

_That might be why the lyrics sounded familiar… but to be honest, I hadn't thought it was all that great when I finished it. I forget what it's called even!_

"What's the title for it?"

"It doesn't have one; it just says 'Untitled'. Did you have one in mind?"

"No…"

"Oh. Well, um, it's a really amazing song. I don't think I've ever heard one so beautiful."

Shuichi Shindou, the master songwriter who had been compared to the legendary Ryuichi Sakuma, thought his song was the best he had ever heard? _Unreal_, he thought. _I feel… so happy. Though I'm not sure why… it doesn't matter. Someone likes what I write, and they don't say it just because they expected it to be something amazing before they even heard it._

"Th-thanks…" Beautiful song or no, it took an equally beautiful voice to make it that way. "But who was singing?" He knew instantly as soon as Shuichi flushed and looked away. "You sang it?"

"Yeah. Sorry if it was off… I wasn't sure I could do it. It's a challenge to get it just right."

"No- it was perfect, or at least it sounded that way. It made me feel at ease…" They fell silent again, neither of them sure what to say. Suguru felt himself drifting off again- even though he had just slept for half a day-, and struggled to remain awake. There were still more questions he wanted to ask now that he was awake and had heard what was happening! How would they split the rent? Could they get an apartment that was easy for him to commute to and from school? The most prominent one involved the pink-haired baka sitting next to him. Why was Shuichi being so kind to him? He gave up, however, when a sympathetic hand was put over his eyes and another gently placed itself over his heart, telling him without words that it was okay to fall back into the welcoming darkness.

_Shuichi… thank you…_

The singer watched as his friend's breathing evened out, his facial features relaxing as sleep claimed him. He stayed there for a while, trying to sort out the turmoil of emotions inside of him. Okay, so he might have fallen for the synth player. But how could that be? It hadn't even been two days since he and Yuki had parted ways. He was supposed to be sad, brokenhearted, and feeling very worthless, just like every other time. Maybe it was because he had called it off and not the novelist, but that wasn't happening this time around. He felt almost… relieved. Stranger still, he found himself growing more and more attached to the boy lying on the makeshift bed in front of him, soundly asleep with a content facial expression. Love wasn't allowed to be replaced that quickly- it had to be a small crush, or a replacement love to fill the gap that was left after Yuki had been thrown out. Not completely of course- he still had strong feelings when he saw or heard anything that reminded him of the man. If that was true, then his feelings for Suguru weren't real, and it would be best not to act on them.

_Unless I didn't really love Yuki… I mean, I fell for him so fast that even I had some doubts about it! It might stand to reason that because I've had a longer time to get to know Suguru, I actually took my time with it, figuring him out and watching him interact with others to learn about him some more. With Yuki I just forced myself on him, and demanded that he love me back… maybe I've been blinded by the bright light that Yuki cast, not noticing Suguru's softer glow, and separating with Yuki was what triggered my real feelings to come out. That might be it… or am I just saying what I want to hear? Is that a likely scenario or am I just fooling myself? I wish there was a clear, definitive answer here… if only I could talk like this with Hiro, or even someone else. People see me as unintelligent because I'm not good at thinking on the spot, but I'm not as dumb as they think I am. My mouth just gets in the way a lot… I think Suguru understands that, or at least he's starting to. That's why he's talking to me more often, and I love hearing his voice… it hasn't changed yet, but it's fine as it is… not high and annoying like a lot of other kid's his age are. He'd have be a decent singer with some training. Maybe I can get him to sing back-up vocals occasionally, just for variety. That would be great! But first he has to get better, and I am _not_ going to move unless absolutely necessary._

---

Shuichi stepped out onto Hiro's small porch as sun started to go down, stretching and yawning a bit. The small breeze felt great after remaining inside all day, rarely even shifting position. His friend had come in a few times to try and get him to eat something, or simply move, but Shuichi had been obstinate and only got up once or twice to go to the bathroom. Other than that, he had remained loyally at Suguru's side lest his condition worsen in any way, and Hiro had eventually given up and gone out to get more food for his guests, talking to Ayaka and telling her what was happening. Shuichi was glad that the two of them were getting along so well despite the disapproval of her parents, though sometimes he was a little jealous that he had to split his time with his best friend.

_That's why Hiro still treats me the the same- he's so wrapped up with Ayaka and himself that he can't see how much I've changed. I guess that's only to be expected, though, and I can't hold it against him for wanting to focus on his own life for once. I should be happy for him, and on some level, I am. It's just hard to get used to the fact that I have to share him, though… we've never had a romantic relationship, despite what the jerks at our highschool thought, but it doesn't change the fact that there's another hole- one for Yuki, one for Hiro, one for mom, one for dad, though I don't know why. My parents actually disowned me after I "came out of the closet"… but is that why I'm clinging on to Suguru? Because he's the last person I'm willing to trust and who hasn't left me in some way? Is this a dangerous thing to do? I can't let myself get carried away, because not only would I be hurt, but I might damage him in some way too. I have no idea how to go on from here…_

Heartbroken and confused, Shuichi added a last verse to the song Suguru had written:

_Take me high, leave my doubt behind_

_the world and the crisis it faces_

_is nothing compared to what we know_

_we only have to be as we are_

_Just as we're destined to be…_

Hearing the verse in his sleep through the open door, Suguru inwardly sighed. Truer words had never been written, his dream-self said. Truer words have never been sung until now.

---

"Alright, let's get moving! We have to make up for those two days you had off and then some! We're not going to be shown up by Nittle Grasper on _our_ tour, and I won't accept anything less than perfection from you!" Rage shouted, glaring at all three musicians in front of her. "I hope you've written something Shindou. If you haven't…" she left little to the imagination by fingering her control button for Pandamonium.

"I've written one," he said, earning a rare smile from their manager. "But so has Suguru."

The bandages over his ears had blocked out everything except for Rage's uproar, and when three inquiring heads turned to his direction, he looked around nervously. What had he done?

"He can't hear us, Shuichi. Write it down." Hiro handed him a spare manuscript book and a pencil, watching as he hastily wrote a summary of what was going on.

Suguru, I told them you had written a song. Can you show them?

"Oh, alright. Just a moment." He got up and unsteadily walked over to his bag, retrieving his book of songs. He just barely made it back to his seat until dizziness engulfed him, just as Hiro had warned him it would- apparently, Suguru would be woozy for the next few days or so, and his judgment would be slightly impaired for about that time as well. Personally, he couldn't tell the difference, but he was taking care not to act rashly any way. There wasn't any sense in him injuring himself again for something stupid.

He felt Shuichi take the book from him and knew he would present it to them. He cursed himself for being weak, but at the same time, he knew there was nothing he could do, except bow his head and wait it out.

A tap on his shoulder made him look up slowly after a few minutes of what sounded like (to him, anyway,) serious and heated murmuring, and Shuichi pointed to his keyboard to indicate that he was to play. The two of them walked over and set themselves up behind it, which confused Suguru because Shuichi didn't play the keyboard, he sang….

_He must need to see the lyrics. That's fine; I don't mind him being near me. He'll catch me when I fall_, he thought, just barely catching a childish giggle in his throat. Okay, he had to control himself a _tiny _bit better…

He started the introduction, hoping he was hitting the right notes. Soon after he felt the singer's breath on the back of his neck as he joined in. Despite himself, the teen got lost in thought, thinking about the warm body behind him while still continuing to play. He could hear a bit of what they were performing through the bandages- it was a soft, tragically beautiful voice mixing in perfect harmony with the lamenting piano. There were no other instruments. Without thinking, he added his own voice in, creating another layer to support the melody. Suguru didn't like to admit it to others, but he could sing when he wanted to, and this was one of those times.

Hiro sat in awe, listening as the two performed a wonderful song for them, voice matching piano so completely it was like they were one instrument with two distinct voices. He was startled when a more timid and younger voice came in, fitting in perfectly under the stronger vocals. Hiro realised, with some surprise, that Suguru was singing too, though he couldn't hear what he was playing. It only served to impress him more as the duo went into the last verse, their voices starting to soar with the emotion of the song.

_Take me high, leave my doubt behind_

_The world and the crisis it faces_

_Is nothing compared to what we know_

_We only have to be as we are_

_Just as we're destined to be…_

Even Rage was impressed as they finished, and the clapping and cheering behind her told her that the rest of NG Records felt the same way. Word had spread quickly that Bad Luck was trying a new song that Suguru Fujisaki had written- and it was even better than anything Nittle Grasper had ever put out.

Suguru looked up in confusion as high-pitched whistles reached his ears. Why were all those people there, crying and cheering at the same time? Even Tohma looked a little moved… he almost fell over when a lithe body hugged him from behind. In his glee, Shuichi had glomped him, forgetting that sudden movements weren't good for his head. Against his will he sagged in the singer's arms, who gently sat him down on the floor and let him lean against his body, literally vibrating in excitement. He couldn't help himself when he smiled and let out a small cheer too- Shuichi's zealous mood was infectious.

"Congratulations, cousin. You're becoming quite the rival." Tohma Seguchi was suddenly standing over the two boys with clouded eyes and face. He knew that Suguru couldn't hear him, but Shuichi certainly could. "I'm looking forward to facing off with you on-tour… if you can make it." He felt two pairs of eyes glaring daggers at his back as he walked away, issuing orders to the crowd to return to whatever they had been doing. To any one who knew him well- such as his cousin-, he would seem slightly nervous. To everyone else though, he was the same as always. Tohma would have to watch out to make sure his little relative didn't surpass him… well, it was unlikely he would be able to make the tour any way. He had seen to that.

"He's up to something!" said Shuichi angrily once every one had left. "I don't trust him."

"I don't think Seguchi-san's one of the most trustworthy people either, but we've got to work with him if we want to stay on the label." Hiro stood up and went over to his two friends who were still on the floor. "You guys are amazing! I had no idea you could sing too, Suguru."

Not being able to hear what was going on, the synth player simply relaxed and let his band mate hold him, drinking in his strawberry-vanilla scent. Tohma was a bastard, and whatever he had said didn't really matter- as far as he could tell, he had played his part perfectly, and that was all that mattered for the moment. He hadn't meant to start singing the harmony he had created while he had been waiting for dawn to arrive in the early hours of the morning, while everyone else was asleep, but it didn't seem as if it ruined the song either...

_Maybe I should get some vocal training and do back-ups_, he thought._ I like singing with Shuichi; I just hope he doesn't mind that I want to help him out._

He blinked as he was poked in the side, another note in front of his face.

Everyone thought it was amazing! Rage wants you to do some voice training when you feel up to it, if you want… nice job on the harmony. By the way, Seguchi-san hinted that he had something up his sleeve for you- that you might not be able to go on-tour with us. I think it has something to do with your school, but all of us will help you wherever we can! You are SO coming with us!

"As soon as I get these things off my ears I'll gladly work on my voice. If we're doing this as our new piece to show up Sakuma-san and his band, then I'll have to get it as good as I can. Whatever Tohma's planning for me will make itself clear in time, so we shouldn't worry about it until it rears its ugly head," he mumbled into Shuichi's neck. He didn't want to move… but soon enough, they had to get up so Shuichi could present his song.

"Well, it's not nearly as good as Suguru's, but I hope you guys like it." And he started to sing:

_Close to you, intoxicated_

_I feel so alive ikiteiru_

_Sleeping under the eaves,_

_Loving and dreaming so sweet-_

_So many thoughts begin with you_

_Though they never end kierei na yume_

_Kimi no chikaku…_

_Blissful mornings at your side_

_Remind me why I never quit ganbaru_

_To be lying here_

_So close to your boundless energy_

_You don't harm me_

_With your gentle passion yawarakai ai_

_Kimi shiawase ni suru…!_

_Crystalline eyes, a tiny grin_

_Is all it takes to send me over sukkari_

_Forgetting my troubles in you_

_I'd gladly give anything I had_

_To have ourselves frozen_

_In time for eternity eien ni neru_

_Kakusu watashi ni itsumo…_

_I don't ever want to wake up…_

_Though reality comes howling fukai_

_Dreams like this are_

_Meant to go on forever_

_They transcend time and space_

_To let the hearts they capture move on kirei na kiochi_

_Tosu watashi ni naru…_

_Tosu watashi ni naru… kimi no mono…_

_Love lies and confuses the mind_

_Falling fast or falling deep akiraka_

_Those who suffer with no knowledge_

_Can't control what they're feeling_

_Fighting or crying for an answer_

_Waiting for someone to show them how mugon no shinri_

_Hiraku watashi no kokoro…_

_Homen suru watashi no ai… love like it's nothing_

_Kimi no chikaku…_

"Shuichi…?" questioned Hiro worriedly. His friend had finished his song and started crying immediately afterwards. "What's…?"

"YUKI!"

"Oh, geeze…"

They all watched as Shuichi melted into a puddle of despair right before their eyes, blubbering and sniffing away at his ex-lover once more.

"Oh well… it was bound to happen sooner or later." Suguru sighed with indifference. "I was surprised that it didn't happen earlier."

Hiro glanced suspiciously at the synth player, who had an undreadable expression on his face as he continued to observe Shuichi rolling and writhing on the floor in his own tears, screaming for Yuki. For all the kid had gotten accustomed to Shuichi's wild mood-swings, he had never actually said anything about them, except the occasional reminder that they were once again behind production schedule. This time, though, it almost seemed as if he had said something just to cover up something _he_ was feeling, if the slightly sulky tone of voice was anything to go by.

---

Hours later, Bad Luck (minus their manager) was holding an informal meeting in Hiro's room. They had gotten next to nothing done again, since one of of the three couldn't stop crying long enough to record something longer than ten seconds, while the other one spaced out so often that Rage had threatened to add another blow to his head. The guilty party was sitting on their makeshift beds on the floor looking ashamed. Hiro was reclining on his own bed, watching them before he decided to interrogate them for information. When Shuichi started to fidget, he spoke.

"Okay. Both of you were completely useless today, not just Shuichi. I'll give you some slack, Suguru, since you've got a head injury, but that doesn't explain why you two were incapable of work after Shuichi finished his song. Rage and I want answers! So… explain. Now." He was answered with silence. Growing irritated, he tried again.

"I don't want to have to be mean to you guys, but honestly, we've wasted three days so far. Two of them weren't really under our control, but today we should have been fine. What happened?"

"I-I don't know…" Shuichi said hesitantly. "I miss Yuki!" He instantly began to soak the pillow he was clinging to, biting and tearing at it as if he wanted to devour the cotton inside while wailing "Yuki, Yuki, Yuki, Yuki!"

"Fine, okay, I got that... you're already going through bastard-withdrawl after you broke up with him, because you're completely irrational." Hiro looked up to the ceiling as if he was seeking inspiration or strength before he moved on.

"Suguru? What about you? Don't try and play deaf either, I know you can hear me- you took your thick bandages off earlier." He inwardly grimaced as the younger boy twitched but still said nothing. Hiro didn't think he would intentionally use his injury as an excuse to get out of something, but he had been acting pretty strange the past few days…

"I'm just tired is all. I haven't been sleeping very well as of late. I promise not to let it interfere with our work again," he said, with the barest of snide looks to the still whimpering baka next to him. "You don't mind if I try and fall asleep now, do you? I want to be ready for tomorrow."

"Of course not. 'Night." The room grew oppressively silent as Suguru turned over and covered his head with his blanket, until only the top of his hair was peeking out from under it. The synth player had no intetion of falling asleep now- even if he could have, he would have missed out on the next part of the conversation. In the meantime, he'd have to wait until the guitarist thought he was asleep… though in all honesty, Suguru didn't know why he wanted to eavesdrop so badly. It was like a sixth sense was pressing him to put on the act, so he could uncover a vast mystery.

"Shuichi, you're lying, I can tell. Why did you really start to cry?" Hiro asked kindly after a few minutes.

The singer sighed, not sure how he was going to phrase his conflicting ideas. "Just promise not to interrupt me, alright? I'm only going to say this once." He then confessed what he had thought about when he was sitting next to Suguru all day, how he thought he had fallen for him but wasn't sure, especially since it was so soon after his break-up with Yuki, who he hadn't heard from yet by the way. He also told Hiro about how he was now questioning his own confidence, since he had been wrong about Yuki, couldn't he be wrong about Suguru too? And what if it was only a rebound-love to fill in the gaps left by the absence of his parents and Yuki? (He didn't want Hiro to feel bad, so Shuichi didn't mention the fact that he was feeling a little neglected by his best friend too.) He wanted an exact answer that left no room for doubt, but he just kept getting more and more confused. At the end of the song, though he had been crying for Yuki, Shuichi had also been calling out for Suguru too, and peace of mind, because it felt like both of them were tearing him in half day-by-day.

Hiro listened to it all, amazed that a seemingly vacuous person like Shuichi would think this much about something like love. He really _had_ changed in a year. Hiro chose his words carefully after his friend had finished;

"Well, I can't answer that for you either… I guess love's supposed to look simple but really be complicated underneath. It's easy to say, but hard to write. As far as your feelings towards Yuki go, drop them for good. You yourself admitted that you were wrong about him, so there's no use in hanging on to them. Maybe you should try Suguru- you said he wasn't like Tohma, so see if it's true. And, I don't think he'd mind receiving some extra attention, even from the likes of you. From what I've seen and suspect, he has no friends at school or anywhere else besides NG- he's pretty much busy every hour he isn't sleeping… and from the looks of it, he's not even getting that. Not that I'm trying to insult you, but for now all we can do is assume he's straight... so it might take him a while to come around, if you know what I mean. But I- and I can't explain this, so don't ask- have the strangest feeling that he'd accept any love he could get right now, from any one."

Shuichi didn't respond for a while, mulling over his friend's advice. He found that he couldn't reach a conclusion at the moment, and he was really tired now too. He could figure it out later.

"I'll think about it. I just don't want to push him away, though… thanks, Hiro, I don't know what I'd do without you." Shuichi laid down and drew the covers over him, trying to fall asleep. They said their good nights and were soon deeply unconscious, with Shuichi's light snores filling the otherwise silent room.

In the darkness, Suguru's mind raced over everything he had heard. He also reflected that he might want to start ignoring that voice in the back of his head.

A/N: The little "" thingy is this: in Japanese, if you didn't know, the character for "ai", or love as in passionate attatchment or affection, is one of the really annoying ones. Just one character! But so many things going on with it that might as well be two or three. It's probably just because I'm a beginner and whatnot, but really… I find it hard and annoying to write. I'd imagine Shuichi would have trouble with it too, though maybe not, since he writes so many love songs. I guess we'll never know.

Speaking of songs, I wrote those lyrics. You may not steal/use them without my permission, though heaven knows why you would want to. I do have titles for them, but they have significance later on in the story, so their titles will be released later, if any one cared to wonder. And the random Japanese was intentional… mistakes were not… so if you find any, please politely notify me. I'm trying to teach myself…

Thanks again for the reviews! I'll keep trying to update at least once a week, but we have a lot of performances coming in various groups, so I'm not sure how much I can do to speed the process up. I'm currently stuck on Chapter 7.

Chapter Four- Bonding is next! The soap-opera continues! And my first real try at writing comedy!


	4. Bonding

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. I like to buy things related to it, though.

A --- indicates a scene change. Text without quotations is not spoken.

_Italics are internal dialouge/thought._

"Quotations are spoken dialouge."

Warning!: The beginning of this chapter contains** lime**. Now the whole story contains innuendo, yes, but this is actually "almost there". Just a heads-up.

---Chapter 4- Bonding---

_Shuichi was hanging over him, pressing his arms into the soft bed underneath. His cheeks were flushed and beads of sweat were forming on both their brows as they stared at one another, waiting for the next part. Slowly, he leaned in and kissed him passionately on the lips, his tongue requesting entrance. He complied, opening his own mouth, and soon they were battling for dominance, though Shuichi quickly won because he had the advantage of height. At the same time, their hands were busy, one pair threading through soft pink hair and the other tracing lines down his leg, slowly moving closer and closer to the inside of his thighs. Shivers of delight were sent through his body, and in response he moved his own hands down to gently tickle Shuichi's collarbone and then travel along his back, stopping at his hipbones. Suddenly, he was flipped over on to his stomach, and felt a warm body press itself on top of him, breathing in his ear._

"_You ready?"_

"_N-no…"_

"_Then I suppose we can wait a little longer…" Shuichi whispered again. "I won't push you any farther than you want to go, Suru-kun."_

"_Thank you…"_

Raucous laughter brought Suguru away from his dream. What the hell had that been about? He didn't like guys like that, and Shuichi especially! Who the hell was laughing? He groggily opened his eyes to find a mass of pink in front of his face.

_What the…?_

In another second he registered the body that was pressing against his, uncomfortably close. He scrambled away in a panic, breathing heavily, watching as Shuichi frowned in his sleep. They had been so close to each other… Suguru blushed with the memory of his dream. So that's what triggered it- the baka had been practically sleeping on top of him!

"S-Suguru… I'm… sorry…" Hiro was on his bed, laughing hysterically. "But it w-was too funny… you guys do the w-weirdest things in you-your sleep!"

The fact that he was laughing out of control was enough to tell Suguru that Hiro had witnessed the entire spectacle… whatever it was.

"Y-you didn't!" He launched himself off the floor at the taller boy to shut him up and explain what was so funny, but he was hopelessly outmatched. Within minutes Hiro was sitting on top of him, still laughing his head off, and Suguru was trying not to throw a tantrum.

---

_He and Yuki were lying in bed together; close enough to feel each other's warmth, but not actually touching. He scooted closer so that they were, and wrapped his arms around his lover's neck. Yuki didn't move, deep asleep. He moved his arms down to trace lines along the older man's thighs, surprised when hands started to go through his hair. Yuki had responded in his sleep! In the moonlight filtering through the windows, a small ring of light reflected off the golden locks, softening his normally aggravated expression. He gently brushed aside a few strands, and the hands moved down to trace his collarbone, and then down his back. _

_Suddenly, he found himself on his back, staring up in to murderous golden eyes that made him quake in fear._

"_Do you have a good reason for waking me up in the middle of the night?"_

"_N-no…"_

"_Then why'd you do it, idiot? Unlike you, I actually have work to do later on."_

"_I didn't mean to! I'm sorry."_

"_Too late for that," came the dangerous growl. "You're going to give me compensation, and if you don't scream loud enough to wake every one else up the first time, we'll keep going until you do!"_

"_Yuki, I'm sorry! Just, please…!"_

"_Shut up! You don't have any options here."_

"_Yuki!"_

_The other man simply laughed, leaning down to harshly bite his small lover's lips. Soon his laughing became loud and raucous, and he faded out, with the room not far behind him._

"_Yuki? Where are you? What happened?"_

"SHUICHI-KUN, WAKE UP DAMN IT!"

"Suguru, you ruined it!" Hiro's cheerful voice brought Shuichi back into his friend's room, where he found himself tangled in sheets. After he escaped their clutches, he turned around to find himself staring at his friend sitting on top of Suguru.

"Shuichi! Good morning!" Hiro said to him.

"Mo-u… morning…"

"Shuichi!" Suguru's escape efforts were renewed as Shuichi's awareness returned. "Hiro, get off of me this instant!" Suguru was squirming, not able to breathe properly after a few minutes of being sat on. Instead of calming down and eventually regaining his senses, Hiro had only grown louder and louder as Shuichi continued to move around and mumble in his sleep, entangling himself in his blankets and occasionally crying out "Yuki!" and "MORE!"

"Hir-o… what're y'doin' t'Suguru…" Not quite awake yet, his eyes were still misted over with the disconcerting dream that he had been a part of…

"Just sitting on him. He tried to attack me."

"Uwhaa? Why?"

Clamping a hand over the protesting younger boy's mouth, Hiro said the first wicked idea that came to him.

"He asked to go out with me, and I refused."

The stunned silence that followed lasted for an entire minute. Shuichi tilted his head slightly and frowned, trying to fully comprehend his friend's statement. It didn't make much sense… but it was possible… In the meantime, Suguru had frozen completely in anger and shock. He also could have sworn his hair turned completely white, but he'd have to worry about that _after_ he murdered the conniving bastard that had him pinned to the bed.

"_I. DID. **NOT**!"_ screamed Suguru, his voice reaching a register that not even Shuichi could hit on the best of days. Startled, Hiro lost his balance and fell, landing spread-eagle on the floor.

Suguru was suddenly and very unceremoniously released. He rolled off the bed and landed with a small _thump_ next to Shuichi, who was looking very dazed and confused.

"Suguru? You didn' really wanna go 'ut w'Hiro, didja?" asked the singer weakly. He was still trying to figure out what was going on. Not to mention regain the greater part of his hearing.

"No!" _I don't date guys,_ he wanted to add, but for some reason the words wouldn't come. He settled for gently punching the baka on the head.

"Guys, while you were still asleep, Rage called and gave us a random day off. So what do you want to do?" Hiro was chuckling over the trick he had played, his face still to the floor, body spread-eagle. "Don't ask me why she did it! I don't know, but at the same time I'm not complaining. I think you guys should start looking for a house today."

"That is unusually nice of her… however, I see your point. Shuichi, as soon as you're ready, we'll start our search." Suguru quickly got to his feet and went in to the bathroom, taking his personal items with him to change and freshen up. When he took off his bandage, he was a bit dismayed that the bruise had only gotten bigger in the past few days. This was the third night they had spent at Hiro's place, and Suguru felt as if he was over-staying his welcome. It had been three days since he had overheard Shuichi's confession to Hiro as well, but he still didn't know what to make of it.

_This is going to be very awkward living with a guy who thinks he likes me. Thank god he hasn't declared or showed it outright besides touching me a bit more than necessary, but I'm still worried… especially after what just happened out there. Relationships like that between members of the same band have a history of not turning out for the better. And though Shuichi may swing that way, I'm fairly sure I'm straight! All the weird thoughts that I've had for the past few days were probably from me being tired and hitting my head on that sink. So… I'll just try to lay low for a while in that respect… _

_For once, I'm glad Rage is slightly insane. I wouldn't have time to go on this search otherwise, since I just found out how much work I have to do if I want to go on the tour, and in all honesty I'm not sure I can finish it all. At any rate… I should move quickly. The other two are probably waiting to get in._

He changed and walked out, squeezing himself against the door post as Shuichi rushed past him, and was almost caught in the door itself as he slammed it shut.

"What's his problem?" Suguru dropped his bag down in the corner where he was keeping his things. "Did you tell him about his… talking while dreaming?" he asked, trying to phrase it politely. Secretly, he admitted that on a few levels, it _had_ been funny.

"Yeah… he's not too happy about it. But he'll bounce back in no time. He does the funniest things when he's sleeping or only half awake, doesn't he?"

"I suppose, but I wouldn't really know. Why…" he trailed off, realizing that he didn't really want to ask the question that had popped in to his head. "Never mind. What are you going to today?"

"Probably visit Ayaka, maybe get some food since Shuichi's been eating like he's been starved for a week. You know... well, I'm sorry I did that to you this morning, but I couldn't help it." Hiro carefully avoided the deadly glare that was being shot his way. "To make it up to you, I have a camera with quite a few of outtakes on it that K-san shot while he was with us. I haven't watched the whole thing- just the first few, mind you- but there's some funny stuff on there. Do you want to watch them later?"

"I guess," he responded, with a non-committal shrug. "But I don't know when Shuichi-kun and I are going to get back."

"It's okay, as long as it takes you two- no offense, but I want you guys to leave as soon as possible. The owner is starting to get annoyed with the amount of noise that we make sometimes."

"I'm sincerely sorry! I'll make sure we find somewhere to go today, so we can leave as soon as possible. I'll find him and apologise later," said Suguru, whose feelings of being over-bearing were re-affirmed. _Well, that's great… just great…_

"'Sokay! I talked to him, and he said as long as you didn't destroy anything, it was okay for now. But he might expect some sort of compensation…"

"I should hope so, if we've been disturbing the peace," said Suguru, privately grateful that Hiro had already taken care of the problem for the most part. But… this morning... "Just out of curiosity, is there anything… damaging that happened and you saw earlier?"

"In what way?" smirked Hiro, raising an eyebrow.

"You know… anything that might compromise my reputation."

"I don't want to spoil it for you. Relax, it's fine." He watched with amusement as the boy frowned, trying to figure out what he had done in his sleep. It wasn't anything bad really, but Hiro wanted to keep the two guessing.

"I'll just take your word for it…" Suguru sighed, beginning to re-wrap the bandage around his head, wishing he had a mirror. He no longer had to wear the kind that covered his ears, but he personally didn't see much of a difference, beyond being able to hear. He still looked ridiculous. The only consolation he had was that today was the last day he had to wear it, if that was something to be happy about.

Barely noticing when Hiro left, he continued to struggle with the blasted thing, until hesitant hands took over, carefully wrapping it so it wasn't too tight or too loose. When they were finished, the hands placed themselves on his shoulders.

"Suguru…" the singer's unusually nervous voice said to the back of his head, "you saw the whole thing, right?"

"Mm-hmm." _He must be embarrassed…_

"Well, I'm not sure how to explain that, or what happened before it, but if you think I'm really weird or something, I understand…"

"Let's not worry about it until we get back, okay? We have a mission to focus on now." _I don't think you're weird, Shuichi. I think it's a little unsettling that you claim to like me that much and still dream of Yuki so strongly, but… it's okay since that's only to be expected. I think…_

They said their farewells to Hiro and promised him they'd be back for dinner. Suguru had his doubts about them being able to find settlement quickly, but he didn't want to say anything that might make his friend pout. (Shuichi thought the process was simple enough that they could do it in a half an hour or less.) He wasn't sure why, but just being close to the hyperactive idiot made him happy, even though he felt like he had to keep a constant watch on him at the same time.

_I think, Shuichi…_

Stepping out on to the barren street, the day proved it might be working in their favor. Very few people were out today, so there would be a lesser chance that the genki boy with shocking pink hair and the shorter one with deep green eyes and an eerily familiar smile would be spotted as they talked and laughed, oblivious to the rest of the world. Only one person who saw them took any notice at all, but she figured that they were just young kids trying to look like their rock idols. What celebrities would be stupid enough to go out in public without some form of disguise? Especially since every one knew that Shuichi Shindou was living with Eiri Yuki, not his band mate Suguru Fujisaki, and if they were to go out somewhere in public, the press wouldn't be far behind them.

---

"Suguru, isn't this great? No one's following us or asking us to sign things! And we don't even have any disguises on!" Shuichi was bouncing along, being his usual hyperactive, loud self. He didn't seem to realise that his yelling would draw unwanted attention to them as they went on their way.

"Shut up! Why are you announcing that to all of Japan! Once people hear that, they won't leave us alone! We were stupid to forget to put something on to hide our identities, so we'll have to keep ourselves under control." Suguru sighed, sensing that his words would probably start a flow of tears from the idiot next to him. Why couldn't he be calmer, like he was in the apartment? It was as if soon as he had stepped outside, he had forgotten everything about the early-morning incident.

_Granted, I did tell him to forget about it until we could talk about it later, but still! If he's going to act like this… no, let him be. He and I… ah, what the hell, let people see us. It's not like we're going out or anything. We can do that later, if he's willing… no, no, I don't like him like that! I just don't want him to cause a major scene!_

"A-ano, never mind, Shuichi- I don't care if people see us. It's not as if we're on a date or anything, so it's alright."

"Mou, right…" He stopped bounding around, walking calmly next to the synth player. _He's uncomfortable being with me like this… damn, I wish he wasn't! He'll probably be mortified when we actually get to the downtown district. Still… it's hard not to hug him when he looks away like that! He may look like Tohma, but Tohma's not nearly as cute. I'd love to hold his hand right now… _

"I said I didn't mind-"

"I know, but you're right- we shouldn't be making a big deal of it. We're headed to the downtown district any way."

_Oh… crap… there's definitely going to be a lot of people there…_ "Do we really have to? Aren't there people around here we could buy from?"

"Just for places like Hiro's, and that's a bit small for two people. It won't be so bad! I know somewhere that famous people go to a lot- the guy who owns it doesn't reveal anything to the nasty reporters." He smiled winningly. "With any luck, there won't be as many people there. It's a workday, and all. I don't think Rage could've given us a better day off." A thought struck him suddenly. If the offices were open, then the schools should be too. "Nee, why didn't you go to school today?"

Suguru didn't bother to disguise the contempt in his voice. "My wonderful cousin arraigned it so that I have to do all the work I'm missing the last two months that we're on-tour. Unfortunately, that means I'll be covering material by myself that I've never learned! And by the time we get back, it'll be summer break. What they're going to do is send me some the work I'm going to be missing every Monday and I have to turn it in Saturday to be graded. If I get anything wrong or don't understand the work, then it's my fault for being absent," he sad bitterly. "In addition to the homework, I have to make up the class work and tests. They're not going to give me any allowances for mistakes since I'm at the top of my class- they must think I'm super-human or something." He muttered an oath under his breath. Sighing, he looked up at the cloudy sky above them. No wonder the streets were relatively empty- it looked as if it was going to rain today, though the clouds hadn't been there earlier. He hoped it would hold off until they got to wherever they were headed. "So I figured one day wouldn't matter much. I've been going to school regularly, including the days we've been spending at Hiro's, so I can't honestly say I care about missing today. I'll just make it up with the rest…"

_I know that's not the way to go about it, yet I just can't deal with it all! I need a day off, a break from life. As if that'll happen._

Shuichi didn't know how to respond to the boy's dilemma. He certainly was in a tight fix, and he would have offered his help, except he himself never would have made it into a college- he had graduated dead last from high school. Hell, he didn't remember most of what had gone on in class… he had either skipped out or spent them writing songs. It had certainly paid off, but he still wished he had paid more attention back then, because all the songs he had ever written in high school wouldn't help his friend pass this new test. Instead, he would have to watch him sink under the massive load his cousin had dumped on him…

"That really sucks, Suguru," he said, putting a hand on his shoulder. "I'll help out where I can, though I'm not sure I'll be of much use- I completely flunked out. If I had never been scouted by NG, I'd probably be living with my parents for the rest of my life. That would really suck too, 'cause I never would have met you or any one else. So I'll try my best for you, okay?" His heart nearly melted as Suguru nodded, true appreciation in his eyes.

"Thanks! Any help at all is better than none."

Traffic noises and the sound of many people moving by them alerted the two that they had almost arrived in the downtown district. They separated themselves by at least a few yards, with Shuichi walking in front and Suguru following behind, both acting as inconspicuous as possible. The plan was to have Shuichi lead the way and Suguru follow behind, far enough away so people wouldn't become suspicious, but close enough that he could see where to go. The only thing that would give them away at first glance was the singer's hair, but they were counting on people being too busy to notice, and out of the age-range that paid attention to their music, since both of them had had a momentary lapse in judgment when it came to disguises.

Shuichi took a deep breath and plunged in to the crowd, heading to the right. Suguru followed soon afterwards, being pressed and squashed between so many taller bodies. He caught some people staring at him from the corner of his eye, but he was moved along by the mass of people too fast for any one to get a second look. Right now he was trying to keep track of his band mate, who was steadily making his way forward. Things seemed to be going well for a while- everyone was either too active to notice (or just didn't care) that two of the most famous people in Japan were out in a public area in the middle of the day.

It was probably too good to last, he realised when he reflected on the coming incident later. It had been too convenient for them to get away with it…

At one point, Shuichi and Suguru had been separated across a line of traffic, and the singer was forced to wait for his friend who was still across the street, both willing the light to change as fast as possible. The longer they stayed in one place, the greater the chances were that they would be seen and recognized. While waiting for the light on the corner, he heard excited screaming from the other side of the street. It only took him seconds to realise that Shuichi had been spotted. Suguru wasn't sure whether he should hang back or not, but the light had finally changed and he was being forced across the street, closer to Shuichi and the crowd of people that was forming around him.

"Shindou Shuichi of Bad Luck! He's here!"

"You guys are gonna go on-tour in a few months, right? When do tickets go on sale!"

"Are you gonna have any new songs for your tour?"

"Ooh, what about Yuki Eiri-san? Will he be going with you?"

"Yeah, is he coming with you? Why aren't you out here with him?"

_Amazing… grown women can still act like schoolgirls. I suppose I'll just have to rescue him… but I need an excuse, since we don't want to start any rumors… I know, I'll just say that Rage had Hiro and I look for him because he hadn't shown up at the recording studio and he wasn't at home. That should work._

"Shuichi you idiot, there you are!" Suguru pushed his way through the mob, trying not to scream with fright as people started to close in around him too. He didn't do well in large crowds like this…

"S-Suguru? What-?"

"Shut up! Rage has had Hiro and I looking for you for an hour now! Why are you here and not at the recording studio?" He gave the singer's arm a meaningful squeeze as he tugged him to the fringe of the crowd, ignoring requests for signatures and pictures, as well as questions about the bandage around his head and a million other things. He wanted to get away from these people as soon as possible. He also hoped Shuichi would realise that he was acting, and that he needed to play along, or else it wouldn't seem right.

"Mo-u! I just wanted to explore a little bit! Can't I go later?" Shuichi wasn't sure what was going on, but by the iron grip that was holding his arm, he suspected that he was supposed to go with the flow.

"How many times do we have to tell you? You're the lead singer! That means only you can perform your part, or else it won't sound the same! This blasted tour is coming up soon, so would it kill you to at least show up on-time for once in your life?"

"Waaah! Suguru's being mean!" Shuichi began to cry very convincingly, earning sympathy from the on-lookers and a chuckle when he was hit on the head.

"Stop it, baka! You're causing a scene." Suguru had no idea where he was going, he was just pulling the wailing teen behind him, hoping for something to come and save them. Even Rage and Pandamonium were becoming very welcome at this point.

_D-damn… I don't like being surrounded like this…_

_Uh-oh, Suguru's getting really nervous- I can't feel my circulation any more! Now it's my turn to rescue us!_ Shuichi deftly tripped Suguru, who released his hold to stop himself from falling. The horde gasped as the singer dashed madly into their ranks, screaming "catch me if you can!" to the synth player, who was trying to gather his wits as he got up.

"You idiot, get back here! Rage's gonna have our heads!" He was led on a merry chase through alleyways and smaller streets, following the vocalist and leaving the mass of people behind, whom suddenly realised that they had somewhere to be. Finally, when he couldn't keep up, he called out:

"Shuichi! Stop!"

He stopped, backtracking to where his friend was kneeling on the ground, hand to his chest. Why was he out of breath so soon? They hadn't been running that long, and there hadn't been much jumping going on… then he remembered when he was carrying him down from Tohma's office, remarking that his colour wasn't good. Getting down on his own knees, he came face-to-face with Suguru, not terribly surprised- but very concerned- that he had grown even paler.

"What?"

"Suguru, have you been eating right? I know Rage told us to go on a diet and all, but you're looking awfully pale…" He gently brushed the boy's bangs back, concern evident in his violet eyes. From the way his gaze was avoided, he gathered that no, Suguru hadn't been eating right.

"Well, that's going to change, understand? If you're going to be living with me, then you're going to be changing your habits or whatever- I won't let you starve yourself or anything." A knot formed in his throat as Suguru simply stood up, muttering something about still being a little dizzy and stressed about his schoolwork, but he was fine.

"How far are we from… where ever you were going to?" _That's it, really, I've been too worried and nauseous to eat much. Maybe living in my aunt's house had something to do with it too, but now that I'm out of there, I should be getting better… Shuichi's worried about me… that's a first; I didn't think any one cared all that much. That's not fair to him- he's obviously trying to look out for me since that morning in front of NG, but still…_

"Hey, no grouchy faces. We're actually right behind it, so we just have to sneak around to the front and go on in." Shuichi stood up and kissed the tip of his friend's nose, earning a blush and ducking a half-hearted punch that was aimed at his head. "Let's go get ourselves our own hide-out!" _He's not telling me something. But now's not the time to ask- we have to find an apartment. Maybe I can ask him when we move in._

_I wonder how Shuichi's so sure we can get one today and move in so soon; maybe this guy is really good. If so, all the better. Now, how am I going to avoid answering any of Shuichi's questions about my personal life? Why does this have to be so complicated…?_

---

Four hours later, Shuichi burst through the door of Hiro's apartment. "We did it!" he yelled, "we did it!"

"Was there any doubt?" asked Hiro, patting him on the head. "So, where is it and what does it look like?"

Suguru came in and wearily sat down on his mat on the floor, head in his hands. His splitting headache had come back when they had started trying to figure out where they wanted to live, which had been the beginning of a very, very long process...

"It's pretty standard- a corner room on the fourteenth floor of a respectable establishment in the heart of downtown Tokyo. It has a small porch, two bedrooms, a study, a bathroom, and a small kitchen combined with a living area. The washing machines are further down the hall."

"Sounds like you guys did all right for yourselves. So you're moving in… when?"

"Friday! That gives us five days! It's going to be so much fun! We're gonna get a taxi to take us there and everything!" After they had left the realtor's, Shuichi had been very hyper, and that had only served to instigate Suguru's headache to new levels of pain. "Hiro, do you wanna come with us to help out? I wanna show you!"

"Uh, sure, why not? Suguru, do you mind if I come along?"

"No, not at all." _Maybe he can keep Shuichi busy and under control… go away, go away, go away, go away…_

"Want some Aspirin?" The synth player blinked as a white bottle was shoved under his nose. "You can dose yourself, right?"

"Yeah… thanks…" he took the bottle and staggered slightly into the bathroom to get some water. He was just about to down both when Hiro called him back.

"Before you do that, have you had anything to eat? No offense, but I don't want you throwing up in here."

_Wow, I forgot to eat again. That's not good… how many people honestly forget to eat more than once a week? _"No, Shuichi and I didn't get anything while we were out."

"No wonder your head hurts! Come on, we'll go out and get something special to celebrate."

"Uh… about that…" Both heads turned to look at Shuichi, who was now sitting meekly in a corner. "I kinda caused a scene today…"

Hiro sighed in mock exasperation. "What else is new? So, what happened this time?"

Suguru and Shuichi took turns explaining how Shuichi had been spotted and Suguru had had to pretend he was looking for him to take him to the studio, but he had "broken free" of his hold and they had run away from the horde of people, escaping in to an alley.

"If I understand this correctly, you guys tricked everyone into thinking that we were recording today, which would mean that we'd still be there at this point. Consequently we can't go out for something to eat because it would put a hole in your story." He shook his head sadly as the other two laughed nervously. "That's fine, we can order-in and watch the video that K-san shot."

"Dinner and a movie! Dinner and a movie! Alright, I'm getting miso, and rice with shrimp, and that tea I really like, and pot stickers, and…" As Shuichi excitedly ran off his list, Hiro ignored him and asked Suguru what he wanted. He knew the baka's usual order by heart.

"Just some onigiri, please. I'm not very hungry."

"But Suguru-! That's not a dinner! You have to have some meat, too! And a drink!"

"I don't eat meat." His announcement was followed by stunned silence. (Vegetarians are rare in Japan, since its main staples are fish and rice. Not eating meat would eliminate about half of the regular person's diet.)

"You're a… vegetarian?" Shuichi couldn't believe it. Suddenly, the prospect of living with him didn't seem as exciting.

"Yes. I eat fish and dairy products- just not livestock, poultry, or eggs. I'm allergic to those any way. But I'm not really hungry, so some onigiri and maybe plain tea would be nice."

"You're allergic to eggs?"

"I just said that, didn't I? Hiro, how much is my order going to cost?" He was massaging his temples, mentally willing the pain in his head to go away. For some reason, it irritated him to no end when people couldn't get over the fact that he had restricted some of his diet. So what if he didn't eat livestock or chicken? Those were delicacies that most people only had once in a great while. And eggs weren't a huge loss either- he just had to watch what he ate a little closer than other people did.

"I'll pay for yours with mine, since you're not getting much- don't worry about it. Shuichi, can I just put your usual order in?"

"Yeah. Can you-"

"Pay for yourself."

"But Hiro!" he wailed, jumping up to cling to his best friend's arm. "I'm almost broke!" He squeaked when Hiro detached him and whispered in his ear-

"And so am I. We aren't getting paid until the end of the week, so I'm trying to stretch what I have as far as possible." He sighed. "Sorry, but stuff's been happening, and… well, just take a few things off this time. Besides, do you want to look like an idiot in front of Suguru? I thought you were going to try and act more mature. Try and help him with his headache while I step outside to call the take-out place."

"Sorry… alright, take off whatever four things I listed first, besides the tea. But what do I do to help him?" He whispered back.

"Your choice," Hiro said with a wink. "I'll go put in our orders now- you two behave until I come back in." He picked up his cell phone and stepped out on to the balcony, pressing one of the pre-programmed numbers.

"Ah, yes… I'd like to place two orders… no, they're separate… okay, here's the first one…"

---

"Shuichi, what was that all about? I can cover too if either of you doesn't have enough- I know we haven't been paid for a while."

"Nah, 'salright. I just had to do without a few things this time. That's probably for the best any way 'cause Rage wants us to eat better." He sat down next to Suguru, reclining back on his elbows to stare at the ceiling. "I was going to ask you later, but… Suguru, you ran out of energy way too fast for someone of your age and build when you were chasing me in the alley. Can you explain why? I'm not trying to pry, but I'm worried about you."

_Who knew he could sound so mature and thoughtful? He must be going through some pretty erratic mood swings if he's clinging to people, crying like a spoiled kid, and then considerate and caring the next. I don't suppose it would hurt to tell- after all, it's just stress. _"It's just that there's a lot going on right now, as you probably know. Sometimes I forget to eat… but usually no more than twice a week at the worst." He inwardly winced at his tiny lie- it was more like two or three days on average, every week. But there was no reason to make the singer worry more than he already was- they all had other things to concentrate on.

"Mou, that's horrible! How could you forget to eat?" _How come your parents didn't make sure you were?_ he wanted to ask. _What was so bad that you had to run away from home without looking back?_

"I'm still alive, aren't I? Don't fuss over me." _How am I going to escape him from now on? He'll be watching over me so closely it'll almost be force-feeding!_

"We're going to be living together starting Friday, so I'm going to make sure you eat something every day! I wouldn't be a good friend otherwise." Shuichi smiled his most infectious smile, and he was pleased when Suguru gave the tiniest of grins in return. Secretly, though, he knew he had been lied to. A person didn't get as thin as Suguru by forgetting to eat only once a week; it had to be on a near-daily basis. But his new resolve would put an end to that!

"Cute! Come here!" He sat up and scootched behind Suguru, hugging him so tightly he squeaked.

"Sh-Shuichi?" _What's _wrong_ with him!_

"You're so cute! Oops, I guess I'm not helping your headache, am I?" Slowly, he loosened his hold, expecting it to be broken immediately. To his surprise however, Suguru merely leaned back and closed his eyes.

"It's not a compliment for a guy to be called cute, you know."

"People call me cute all the time! I think it's fine."

_That's because you _are_ cute, baka. I, on the other hand…_ "Mmm. That's because you're the lead singer… you probably get called all sorts of things."

"Yeah... don't you ever hear people saying things about you?"

"Nothing flattering."

"Really? Oh come on, what do they say?"

"I'm just like a shorter version of Tohma. I'm just as good as Tohma. I look just like Tohma."

"Oh…"_ And he hates the man too! That's really unfortunate, and probably really bad on his self-esteem, being compared to family… and a rival at that…_ "Well, I can see where they're coming from, but you're better than him. Personality and everything." _Tohma's a mean shark that hunts down and brutally kills his prey. But Suguru… he's like a cat. Really standoffish and aloof until he warms up to you._

Suguru didn't say anything with words; he merely put his hands on Shuichi's and leaned his head to the side of his neck. Just being like this had helped some of the pain go away. Did Shuichi really mean what he said? Suguru didn't have a reason to think he was lying…

"Hiro's taking really long, isn't he? I wonder if he's talking to Ayaka-chan," Shuichi wondered aloud, but his tone of voice was muted and had so many undertones that Suguru couldn't even begin to figure out what they meant. Just a simple question had endless meanings to it. He wondered if Shuichi even knew how he sounded… it was a few minutes before he realised that he should respond, completely engrossed in trying to discern what he was really trying to say.

"Maybe… wait, I think he's coming back in." He slowly sat up, trying not to make any sudden moves for fear of the pain returning. The doorknob clicked and the door was opened, squeaking a bit on its hinges.

"Hey, sorry about that- they were a little busy tonight. How do you feel, Suguru?"

"A little better. Thanks for asking." He had his head in his hands again, willing away the pain once more. The bandages wrapped around his head seemed a little too tight now.

"The food should be here in a few minutes. Who wants to pick it up?"

"I do, I do! I promise I won't eat anything on the way back!" Shuichi eagerly jumped up and started to dance in circles around the guitarist, begging and making extravagant promises not to touch the contents of the delivery until he was back in the room.

"Alright… here's my payment, exact change. You'll have to ask about yours."

"Sure! Be back soon!" Shuichi rushed out the door, trying to gather his frazzled nerves as he raced down the stairs, not wanting to take the elevator. Suguru had willingly let him hold him!

---

A few minutes later, a frantic knock at the door signaled the food had arrived. After Shuichi staggered in and set it down on the floor, he demanded that Hiro explain what had happened this morning- now. Hiro smirked and told them between giggles how Shuichi had accidentally woken him up by kicking his bed, and from there he had watched the scene. Apparently, while they were asleep, the two had moved towards each other, so close that they were nearly touching. Then Suguru started to murmur in his sleep, and Shuichi responded by grabbing his wrists. The unintelligible speech continued until Shuichi first stroked Suguru's thighs, with the synth player's hands running through his hair- then half-threw himself on top of the younger boy, earning a squeak and the first discernable word- "NO." Hiro could barely explain between laughs that Suguru had said it in such an athorative voice that for a moment, he had thought he had woken up- until Shuichi snuggled closer to Suguru, and the boy didn't protest; he simply sighed in his sleep with exasperation. Soon after Hiro's raucous laughter brought the boy back to consciousness, and they had tussled until Suguru had lost and waited impatiently for Shuichi to wake up. The rest was history.

"HI-RO! You should have woken us up before! Meanie!" whined Shuichi, who had finished his dinner in less than two minutes. He was licking the excess rice and sauce off his face as though he was a little puppy. "But I'm glad it wasn't anything too serious."

The two of them turned their attention to Suguru, who looked as though he had been turned to stone. His face was frozen in a horrified expression, mouth agape, with an onigiri that didn't quite make it to its destination quivering in his hand.

_That's… terrible… unforgivable…I'll never sleep again… _

"Suguru? Hey-o, Suguru! Daijob des ka?"

"Shuichi, I don't think he's as comfortable with it as you are. Um, okay… this is a little awkward…" Hiro pushed his hair away from his dark brown eyes. "Maybe I should have edited it? I didn't think he was this stiff…"

"Nah, he's got to come around to all the… interesting points of life sooner or later." Hiro's suspicious glance was enough to stop Shuichi from making any further comments.

_If he's going to pursue Suguru, then he's got one hell of a project ahead of him._

"Shuichi…"

"Hiro, it's okay, I won't do anything. I'm just going to get him to stop staring at the wall- it's kinda creepy." The singer got on his hands and knees and kneeled in front of his little friend, poking him repeatedly in the shoulder, trying to talk Suguru into "not being stupid and wake up". The only response he got was a small grunt and a slight headshake.

"Shuichi, surprise him."

"Okay! Can do!"

"Wait, don't-" Hiro almost instantly realised the mistake he had made. Shuichi's idea of a surprise was usually more likely to shock the synth player even further- if it was possible- than bring him around. He watched with mingled fascination and horror as his friend got a seductive, bedroom look in his eyes. This was bad… what had he done!

His fears were re-affirmed as the singer leaned in and passionately kissed Suguru on the lips, his hands roaming into what, for the younger boy at least, was uncharted territory.

"Shuichi! What the hell are you doing!" To everyone's astonishment, Suguru had tried to kiss him back- before a hand was placed in a _very_ uncomfortable place, and from there he had hastily crab-walked backwards until he hit his head on a low-hanging bookshelf. The poor boy was spluttering and wiping his mouth with the back of his sleeve as if he wanted to rip the skin off his face, the other hand holding the back of his head, in a futile attempt to mitigate the new stabs of pain.

"You wouldn't talk or anything, so Hiro said I had to surprise you. It worked, eh?" The lustful look had disappeared completely from his eyes as Shuichi cocked his head and grinned idiotically. "So you're okay now!"

"Shuichi…" glowered Suguru, not sure who he should blame the most- the perpetrator or the one who planted the idea in the first place.

"Hey, hey, why don't we watch some home-movies? K-san gave me a tape of stuff he recorded while he was still with us; I haven't watched all of it myself, but some of it's pretty funny." Hiro desperately tried to diffuse the situation before something worse happened- Suguru was looking especially menacing, glaring with skulls in his eyes like he was.

"AHH! Dinner and a movie! Dinner and a movie!"

"AHH! Shut up, shut up!" Said Suguru, doing a bad imitation of Shuichi's voice (it fell short a few octaves), still glaring at him. He'd get revenge… sooner or later. In the meantime…

"Suguru, do you want to watch the movie too? And baka," Hiro said, referring to Shuichi, "you've already eaten all your food." His words fell on deaf ears, though, as Shuichi kept babbling on about "dinner and a movie".

"Yeah, sure, whatever." Suguru dropped his death-look and tried to discern any patterns on the perfectly even, white ceiling. It was a useful way to ignore the fluttery sensation in his stomach as Shuichi's recent escapade continually ran through his abused head.

"Cool. I'm assuming that you kind of hate me now, but seriously- I think the tape'll be amusing…"

"You're wrong…"

"Really? See, I told you it was funny."

The temperature in the room dropped sixty degrees with the smile Suguru directed to Hiro.

"No, I think I want to kill you."

It took a few seconds for Hiro to thaw, his fear of the synth player growing just the smallest bit. He then pressed play and all three watched the tape, regarding it with some surprise as they saw some of their antics in various places from early on in their career. The first scene was from after their first concert as a trio, and Shuichi was giving Suguru a hard time.

"Not so cool on-stage, are ya? I saw you shaking up there! You looked like you were gonna piss your pants!"

He was ignored.

"Nee, Hiro, wasn't he so funny? I wish someone had recorded that for us- I'd watch it over and over again, wouldn't you?"

"Maybe," said the guitarist slowly, "but he also played perfectly. At your first concert, you kept missing notes, and we were lucky that no one seemed to notice. Either that, or if someone did, they were too nice to tell that to us."

"Why you- you're supposed to take _my_ side!" The camera flicked back and forth between Hiro, who looked uninterested and a little vacant, and Shuichi, who was only a step away from having a temper-tantrum. Suddenly, a small voice spoke up from the other side of the room.

"Shindou-san, I'm sorry if I didn't meet your expectations on-stage. However, I'll remind you that I've never done something like this before, at least not on this scale, and I'm learning as I go along, just as you and Nakano-san are. In addition…" the camera switched form Shuichi to Suguru, who was clearly creeping the singer out as he slowly advanced towards him. "As Nakano-san said, I played flawlessly, so there should be no reason that you are complaining to- or about- me otherwise."

As Shuichi began to yell at Suguru who simply stood and ignored him on the spot, the camera was pulled away, its holder sighing.

"Man, I was pretty mean to you."

"Yeah, but that doesn't really matter now… hey, what's this?"

Hiro and Shuichi were sitting at a table in the cafeteria of NG Records, having a conversation and laughing as they tried to see how many fries would fit up Shuichi's nose.

"I wonder how we didn't notice K standing there. He would have been in plain sight!"

"I dunno, maybe he was behind a door or something… hey, Suguru, is that you behind us…?"

The camera had switched over to show Suguru relaxing against a wall, watching the other like they were immature children as they moved on to see who could do the funniest impression of Sakano and not laugh first. It zoomed in as he reached into his pocket, a rubber band and some folded paper in his hand. The zoom went back to its original position as Suguru put one of the papers in his rubber band, aimed, and then fired, hitting Shuichi directly on the nose.

"Ow! That hurts! What was that?" As he began to look around for the source of the attack, he was clipped in the ear and then suffered a hit to the neck before realising where it was coming from.

"Hiro, it's to your behind you to your left. Who's there? I can't see!"

"No one's there, Shuichi…" Hiro tried not to laugh as another paper bullet hit his friend squarely between the eyes. "I think they've moved…"

"Yeah, no shit! Ow!" Yet another one stung him, just barely missing his eye. "I'll kill them!"

"You've gotta find them first, though."

"Ow! I know that! Ah, there…! Wait, no one's there. Over there! OUCH! No, other side… damn! WHERE THE HELL IS THE BASTARD THAT'S SHOOTING AT ME!"

They heard K snicker as Suguru came into view again, slightly off to the side at an empty section of the cafeteria and glaring at Shuichi, who was looking around with an expression that said he was ready to commit murder. Hiro was trying not to make it obvious that he thought the situation funny, so he was looking behind him, hoping his friend wouldn't notice that he was laughing. Behind the camera, K was heard muffling his own laughter as the sniping continued for a few more minutes, driving Shuichi mad. Hiro was heard several times advising him to leave, but he wouldn't until he found out who it was. After he ran out of ammunition, Suguru positioned himself directly behind Shuichi, reached up and ruthlessly snapped the rubber band on the back of the unsuspecting singer's neck, then darting away as he turned around, more enraged than ever.

"WHO THE HELL IS DOING THIS!"

The camera shifted a bit to show Suguru on the other side of a low wall, curled up and shaking with mirth.

"Damn, he's good…" said K, before it switched abruptly to one of their less successful recording sessions- Shuichi was crying over Yuki again as Hiro tiredly patted him on the head, and Suguru was hitting his head on the wall in obvious frustration.

"That was _you_?" asked Shuichi incredulously, as he began to wail in the middle of yet another song on the screen. He winced with the memory- that was the one where he had had to lie about falling down the stairs.

"Y-yeah…" the synth player was nearly choking on his tea as he tried to explain between snickers. "I really hated you at that point in time, and I was bored… so I decided to have a little fun, at your expense, of course."

"Why you-!" Shuichi playfully tackled his friend, getting some long over-due revenge, though he was careful not to do any further injury to his head. They wrestled for a little bit until Shuichi claimed victory by sitting on his friend, who wasn't exactly happy to have that happen twice in one day. Then Hiro launched himself towards the two and knocked Shuichi off. Suguru watched as they tussled and pretended to be American wrestlers, making exaggerated growls and grunts with the occasional crude taunt until he found his bearings, then joined back in. All three of them began to try and pin each other to the ground in attempt to claim supremacy and "leadership" of the band. Suguru was again accidentally thrown out as Shuichi and Hiro began to go at each other in a more dangerous fashion; backing up to opposite ends of the room and slamming into one another continually. The process repeated itself until they collapsed on one another, too tired and bruised to stand. Suguru saw the opportunity and carefully perched himself at the top, proclaiming himself lord of the band, tamer of idiots, and king of all that was to do with music.

They all laughed, and for the first time, it felt as though they had really bonded as both a band and as friends.

A/N: I don't think this turned out half-bad, considering how many times I felt the need to change it, which I stopped counting at ten or so… twitch. To tell the truth, "Bonding" was orignially part of "Simple Songs", but it got so long that I had to split it in half. I think the writing turned out better for that, but only you, my lovely readers and reveiwers can tell me that. ;)

That reminds me: Cherushii, Kyuuen-kun, The Yaoi Pimpette, Medusagemini, and KagomeGirl21- DOMO ARIGATO! To answer some questions: Suguru's past is to remain only hinted at until later on in the story. I can't say much about it because, not only would it be fair to Suguru (he's not very clued-in either yet), it would ruin the surprise at the end. Yuki's being a jerk because that's his personality, and we'll see him again in Chapter 5 with reasons behind it. The random Japanese, from the scattered notes I can find (this was back in August and I don't remember them all), goes like this (in order of appearance in Shuichi's song): alive, beautiful dream, your proximity, perservere, gentle passion, I'll make you happy, completely, eternally sleep, hide me forever, feircely, beautiful …, …, …, obvious, silent truth, unfold my heart, release my love, your proximity. sighs Sorry I couldn't find them all- there's a reason I get C's on binder and notebook checks…

Apologies now and into the future for spelling/grammar mistakes. I have no beta, and I do my best with editing and Microsoft Word's spell-check, but… sometimes things just aren't caught.

"Are you alright?" I know most people know it as "Daijobu", but the nifty translation book I have lists the spellings as they're actually said. So, apparantly, the Japanese tend to omit the "u" at the end, making daijobu "daijob". It looks _and_ sounds weird, but… whatever. I'm just following the book.

Next is Chapter 5- Moving In!


	5. Moving In

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. I like to buy things related to it, though.

A --- indicates a scene change. Text without quotations is not spoken.

_Italics are internal dialouge/thought._

"Quotations are spoken dialouge."

"_Italicised text in quotes is writing._"

---Chapter 5- Moving In---

"Wow! You guys really got a nice place!" Hiro exclaimed as he stepped in, whistling in amazement. It was impressive- the smooth hardwood floor was a rich ebony colour that nicely accented the austere cream walls. The welcoming area they had just stepped into opened directly into the kitchen, which in turn opened up to a small wrap-around porch that was clearly visible through the sliding door-windows. The kitchen itself had a diamond pattern of cream and light blue ceramic tiles that matched the exact same shade of blue on the cabinets and counter top. The small café-style table was set close to the windows, which would let them watch the evening sunset over Tokyo.

"Yeah, it's really nice, isn't it? Look, there's even furniture already here!" Shuichi dropped the suitcase and other bags he was holding to throw himself on a very plain but comfortable-looking couch. "It's so soft! Ooh, ooh, I wanna see the bedrooms!"

"He's going to destroy the place before we even settle in," sighed Suguru as Shuichi tore off into the narrow hallway to their left.

"Nah, he'll calm down before he breaks anything. Tell me, though- how'd you get him to agree to a place like this? It's a little to low-key for Shuichi's tastes." Hiro could imagine the quiet synth player enjoying it here, but he couldn't picture the baka being able to sit still for one second in a home that was so unadorned. "Did you have to twist his arm or something?"

"No, he didn't mind, actually. From what I gather, Yuki-san wasn't much for exciting décor either. I guess that rubbed off on Shuichi." He started to conduct an exploration of the kitchen, nearly injuring himself on the table as Shuichi yelled that all the doors were sliding, and that both bedrooms were exactly the same.

"Watch that corner there! Seems he's excited to move in… are you?"

"Huh? Yeah, I'm just a little tired, I guess… why don't we move the clothes into the rooms? Shuichi and I can unpack everything later."

"Sure you don't need help with anything else? It seems like a waste for me to only come here to carry extra luggage, no offense."

"HI-RO!" Shuichi whined from the depths of the apartment, "don't go yet! I don't know how to fold things!"

Suguru smirked at the guitarist, who only shook his head sadly.

"Looks like you've been demoted to maid service."

"I hope you know how to do basic household chores, Suguru- Shuichi's completely useless as far as that goes. Maybe you can teach him a few things?" He smiled slyly and winked at the boy, who simply glared back at him. "Oh come on, you know I was teasing. Stop staring at me like I'm an idiot and get your stuff- you'll want to claim the room you want before Shuichi marks his territory."

_He talks about his friend as if he's a dog that is completely dependent upon its owner. How nice. While Shuichi does seem like he'd follow any order given to him out of sheer stupidity and trust, I think he's deeper than that…_

"Suguru, stop spacing out and come on! I wanna show you the rooms! And I think you're gonna like the study, too! Can I set up your computer for you? Do you have one? Can I see it, ple-ase?"

A mess of pink hair and bright purple eyes attacked him from behind, snapping him out of thought, and barely leaving Suguru time to grab his suitcase before Shuichi literally dragged him into the small hallway and the first door to the left. He opened the door to reveal the room inside- a small closet was on the right, also with sliding doors, and the wood was the same as it had been in the entrance way. An undersized wooden vanity with two drawers and a personal mirror occupied the far-left corner; a window with adjustable curtains was on the far wall and overlooked the busy highway below, and a tiny bookshelf seemed to be half-forgotten standing underneath of it.

"Isn't it really boring? I can't wait until I get my stuff unpacked and liven mine up a little bit! But both of ours are exactly the same- even down to the electrical socket placements." He pointed at one next to the door on the right, another one strategically placed in the middle of the wall to the left, and one next to the bookshelf. "Hiro thinks there might be another one in the closet for some reason. I think he's crazy, don't you?"

_No, I think _you're_ the crazy one, Shuichi. This may be an extremely Spartan environment, but I like it… its uncluttered and easy to move around in. There's so much space! I know this isn't the largest of the places we could've afforded, but it's certainly bigger than anywhere I've ever lived in…_

"You keep spacing out today! Were you up all night?" Violet eyes stared down into him, the emotions behind them unreadable. Suguru sighed and admitted that he had been for his own reasons- no, he didn't feel like explaining right now. Eventually Shuichi left to return to his own room where Hiro was already unpacking him.

_Shuichi isn't a very stable person at all! He has a more mature thought-process until something like this happens… when he gets to prove he's more responsible, he starts acting like he used to. I hope he calms down and actually picks up a few things- I don't feel like doing all of the housework; I probably won't have time for it anyway. If worse comes to worse we can hire someone to come in, but I'd rather not. What can I do about him? He's keeping me from sleep now! I didn't close my eyes once because I was afraid we'd have a repeat of the other night, and at the same time, I just couldn't stop thinking about him. It's like he's completely taken over my head or something, and now he's going to be a huge part of my life, since we're living together! Can I ever escape from him!_

Suguru's hands paused as a folded piece fell out from the messenger bag he had carried in. Upon opening it, he found it was a small note for him:

Suguru, I just wanted to let you know that if I annoy you tomorrow while we move in, I'm sorry- I'll just be really excited. Please don't think less of me for it.

-Shuichi

He smiled and folded it back up, slipping it into his pocket as he finished unpacking his school books to make sure they were all still there, before he moved them into the study with his laptop. As he did so, Shuichi and Hiro could be arguing in the next room over the uses of an electrical outlet inside of a closet.

"Why the hell would anyone put a socket in a closet? It's stupid!"

"I don't know, maybe it's for a paper shredder."

"A paper shredder. Brilliant, Hiro- a paper shredder in a closet, when there's a study right across the hall."

"I know I'm a genius- you don't have to tell me. I guess someone was just too lazy to actually move over there when he needed to shred something."

"You're a real jerk, you know that?"

"Better than being an idiot who can't tell when he's being messed with."

"Feh. Too bad I know when I'm being screwed over. … Hey! I'm not an idiot!"

_But do I want to…?_

---

The next morning, Shuichi woke up sprawled on the floor of an unfamiliar room. He nearly panicked until he remembered that he lived here now with Suguru, and that they now jointly shared the rent, though technically Shuichi himself was the one who owned it.

He seemed to have fallen asleep on the same temporary bed that he had used at Hiro's… well, they'd have to go out and get a few things any way. A mattress or two could probably be found at a reasonable price somewhere, as well a few sets of sheets, a set of dishes and utensils, various cleaning items they'd need eventually, food for the refrigerator, pots and pans, at least two lamps for their rooms and one for the study, and about a million other things…

Groaning as he got up, Shuichi felt much older than his nineteen years of age.

_Man, we've got to keep track of a ton of things now… this isn't going to be as easy as I thought it would be! We won't even get to do anything until Sunday, which is tomorrow, but we need food at least. I'm so hungry… maybe, if it's early enough, Suguru and I can go out for breakfast before heading over to NG, which we'll have to ride the train to and from now... he didn't seem too happy about that, but he'll survive. It's a relatively short commute. Besides, this is nicer than some of the other places that were closer- a better deal too. Mou, I wonder what time it is… damn, that's another thing we have to get… a freaking clock…_

He exited his room and shuffled into the kitchen where Suguru was already sitting at the table, staring down at his cell phone. He looked like he wanted to take it and throw it off the balcony, introduce it to a hammer, or simply stomp on it so that it was no longer functional.

"Hey, you gonna eat that?" Still half-asleep, Shuichi already completely forgotten that there was no food in the kitchen to be eaten- they hadn't had any leftovers from last night's take-out with Hiro.

"It's not food, baka. We don't have any."

"Eh? Oh, yeah. We have to go shopping today, don't we? You coming with?" He sat down at the table and joined in staring reproachfully at the innocent phone in front of him, as if it was its fault that they were starving.

"Can't… gotta start m'homework." _I hate mornings, I hate mornings, I hate mornings…_

"Really? That sucks… whaddaya want, then? I'll go out by myself- I know my way around." _Mornings suck. I hate mornings. They're stupid. _

"Hang on, I'll write a list…" Suguru got up and disappeared into his room, searching for paper and a pencil. While he was gone, Shuichi picked up the phone on the table to inspect it. He was surprised when he saw that it was fairly old- it had scratches, dents, and many chips in the silver and black cover. The battery casing on the back was also held on by strips of black electrical tape.

_This looks like a hand-me-down! Oh well, maybe he's saving to get his own. _He flipped the screen up to the display, and blinked twice when he saw that the numbers on the key pads were nearly worn off. In fact, it looked as though some of the keys themselves had been worn down by frequent use. He was shocked further when the faintly glowing screen said that Suguru hadn't bothered to answer the last twenty-four calls he had received. Shuichi pressed "view"- he didn't want to pry, but maybe there was a reason he hadn't answered. When it showed up, the entire list was one phone number- Tohma's.

_What the fuck…?_ He saw that a few voicemail messages had been left, and was about to select them until his conscience reigned in his curiosity.

_Just because we're roommates doesn't mean I can go and invade all his personal stuff. If he's not answering his phone for Seguchi-san, then he probably has a good reason for it… and a good reason for hating him. But it's not my place to ask, or find out without his permission._

"Here." Shuichi started as a sheet of paper was unceremoniously shoved under his nose. "And I'll have my phone back, if you don't mind."

"Sorry, I was just looking at it…" _Damn, he's in a bad mood!_

"That's fine- it's junk anyway. If you're going out for something to eat, then I don't mind what you get, as long as you remember I'm a vegetarian and it doesn't have eggs in it. Since you're going shopping for stuff for the house, I made list of things I thought we'd need, and some extras I'd like. I'll pay you back when you come home again." _I hate mornings, I hate mornings, I hate mornings…_

"Um, what are you going to eat? I won't be back for hours. Hey! We're supposed to go in today to finish the album!" He had forgotten all about it! Now they were dead for sure!

"Hiro called while you were still sleeping- Rage conveniently got sick today, so we're off until she's able to come back in again without throwing up."

"Ick. Um, since that's solved…" his voice died as Suguru stumbled off to the study, not paying any attention to him.

_Wow, he's a really bad person to be with in the mornings. It's almost funny- he's so professional around us, but when he's at home, he can barely walk without tripping over his own two feet. Maybe he didn't get a good night's sleep again. Ah, whatever, I have to get going- I'm starving!_

Shuichi made his way back to his room to comb his hair and get dressed. As soon as he was done, he went over to the study and cautiously knocked on the doorframe, not sure if he was being a disturbance or not.

"Yeah?"

"Um, I'm leaving now, just thought you should know… I'll be back in a few hours with something to eat, okay?"

"'Kay."

_A man of few words. Oh, I just have to ask! _"Suguru, did you sleep alright last night?"

"Yeah, sure, whatever. Just go get what you need. I'll be here when you get back." came the cold response. "Hey-"

"What?" Shuichi didn't mean to sound quite so annoyed, but he didn't appreciate being talked to as if he was nothing but a nuisance. Especially by an irritable kid.

"How are you going to get everything back here? Neither of us has a car, or even a license to drive." There was just a hint of tease in that sullen voice.

"I'll think of something! Just… stay put!" He flew out the door and nearly forgot to lock it, taking the stairs two at a time. _You're not the only one who's still mostly asleep you know! Keep your nasty temper to yourself!_

Soon enough, he was on the street, and it was there that he remembered that he hadn't looked at Suguru's list yet. He backed up so he was leaning against a low wall and retrieved it from the pocket he had stashed it in, blinking a few times as he tried to read the light, uneven handwriting:

_Generic brand cleaning stuff: kitchen cleaner, bleach, laundry detergent, a broom and dustpan, trash bags, dishwasher detergent, glass cleaner, furniture polish, mop and soap, sponges and scrubbers_

_Towels and washcloths for the bathroom- doesn't really matter what kind, as long as they match the colour scheme in there (light blue and cream- same as the rest of the apartment)_

_"A plain welcoming rug for shoes_

_Plates and cups (with utensils) for the kitchen- again, something that matches with the colors already there._

_Pots and pans for cooking. (Nothing fancy- a bottom-of-the-line set is perfect for what we'll be doing.) A cutting board would be nice, too._

_(Things that I would like:)_

_Futon- I don't really care what kind, as long as it's inexpensive (I have sheets already, so don't worry about that.)_

_A desk lamp with a bendable neck, preferably a dark color_

_A digital clock for the study (nothing flashy, please)_

_An internet cable modem and a mouse pad (again- nothing flashy)_

_If the stuff for the house is already too much, disregard the other things please. I can live without them for a while."_

"Wow, he thinks of everything! But his taste is so boring… I was planning to get some stuff to liven the place up, but it looks like I'll have to have him with me so we can agree on things! That's pretty annoying. But the only thing I can really see being for himself on that list is the futon; he's probably going to put the lamp in the study with the clock, and the computer stuff doesn't really count…"

Shuichi started down the sidewalk, self-consciously stuffing his conspicuous hair under the hat he was wearing. He was wearing shades as well, but it was just as well, seeing as the sun was bright today any way. He didn't want to be spotted while doing his errands.

"Mou, I think I'll get something to eat, and then I'll get our food for the fridge and the cleaning stuff.But I dunno how I'm going to carry all of it home! Hiro's probably going out with Ayaka-chan today since we're off, but I wouldn't want to call and ask him to come with me even if he wasn't, not after he helped us move our things in and unpacked me. Man, I wish I could drive!"

---

_Heh. I wonder how he's going to manage bringing home all the things we need for this house. I probably should have gone with him, but I have to do this… I hope he gets the cable modem, at least. I need to do some research for these essays._

Suguru sighed with fatigue and stretched himself out on the hardwood floor of the study. He closed his eyes and settled his mind, breathing evenly and slowly stretching first his arms and shoulders, then his legs, and so on until he was completely relaxed. Over the night he had stiffened up badly, and the pain he had awoken to was part of what contributed to his morning crabbiness. He wasn't sure why it had happened, though, since it had been another sleepless night.

_I swear, he's keeping me up at night simply by sleeping in the next room, and I don't know how to overcome that! How the hell am I supposed to concentrate on all this shit Tohma dumped on me if I can't sleep right? Not eating doesn't concern me since I've done that before, but this is something completely different. I can't control it yet, and it's really pissing me off… I don't like him as more than a friend, do I? Because that's just wrong! I'm straight, not gay…_

For hours on end, Suguru remained locked in the study, methodically working through every assignment he could before Shuichi came home. For he knew once he did, he wouldn't have the quiet he so desperately needed to concentrate…

_I really, truly hate mornings…_

---

"Nee, this looks familiar! Have I been going in circles?"

He must have seen that same designer store at least four times! Shuichi had managed to get himself so thoroughly turned around and lost that he no longer knew which end was up, or where the convenience store was located. Even though he knew most of Tokyo fairly well by now- he had lived in the outskirts for most of his life, after all- this was an area he had seldom visited.

_Where the hell is a map when you need one! I guess I'll just hafta ask… I hope no one can tell who I really am!_

"A-ano, pardon me, please…" he said shyly to a group of teenage girls who were hanging out nearby, bowing and shuffling his feet as if he were embarrassed. "Could you please tell me where to find the convenience store? I've never been around here before, and I think I'm lost…"

The girls all looked up and giggled at him, so he blushed in response, trying to play the part of the introverted kid that didn't get out much.

_Thank god I look younger than I really am- this might not work otherwise!_

"Sure! It's a couple blocks down to the right, but be careful when you're crossing the intersection- they're pretty mean over there!" One of them indicated a busy crossing that was jammed with cars. "Do you need to call home or something? Is your mom looking for you?"

"Ah, no, she just asked me to get a few things, but I forgot where it was… thank you very much!" He blushed and bowed again, earning more giggles and a few remarks about how cute he was- he looked a lot like Shindou Shuichi from Bad Luck with his dyed pink hair sticking out from under his hat!

"Sure, any time! Bye!"

"Bye!" He smiled and turned away, relief flooding him from top to bottom. They hadn't recognised him! His disguise had worked! Even so, he tried to stick the few strands that had escaped the hold of the hat back where they belonged. He knew he might not be so lucky if he had to ask someone else.

_Now, to get those things on "mom's" list… heh… he _is_ like a mother, just a little bit… getting everything done and turned in on- time… I wonder if he can cook too? I don't think he would have asked for pots and pans otherwise! Yes!_

Without thinking, Shuichi started humming a happy tune to himself and closed his eyes, enjoying his day out and bopping along to the music in his head. He had no idea he was being followed by a tall, scowling man with bright blonde hair and clouded golden eyes that were hidden behind sunglasses similar to Shuichi's own.

---

Suguru's cell phone rang again for the fifth time that minute. The thing was incredibly loud and distracting, but he didn't want to pick it up and turn it off in case Shuichi called with a question. Instead, he did his best to ignore it, especially since he every time he checked it, it Tohma who was trying to reach him, as he had for most of the morning.

_The only reason he gave me his old phone was so he could bother me like this. What if the baka tries to call? He won't be able to get through with Tohma calling me incessently… what the hell, I can't think with it going off like this… _

"This had better be important, cousin."

"Suguru, good morning. I take it you had a rough night over there?"

The insinuating voice irked him very much- he didn't want to put up with teasing and mind games right now. He had other things that needed to be done.

"Don't be so twisted. What do you want?" _Probably nothing good. Why did I answer?_

Tohma laughed softly on the other side of the line, blowing a wave of static into his cousin's ear. He knew he hated to be called continuously, especially when he was trying to get something done, and no doubt he had started on his homework.

"Who's the twisted one here? At any rate, I hear you and Shindou-san have moved in together. What could have posessed you to do that? Why did you leave the safety of the family?"

"Because it doesn't exist and you know it. All of them are just like you- always waiting to catch someone by surprise and suck them dry before they move on. Shuichi was kind enough to offer me a place to stay after he left Yuki-san, so I'll be living with him until I can buy my own place." His voice was rising with anger towards the man who wouldn't leave him alone. All he wanted was some independence, some freedom from the family who had abused and suppressed him for his entire life so far.

_I want to spread my wings!_

"Don't be insolent. I'm busy right now, so this will have to be put on-hold for later," hissed Tohma. "Be assured that your parents are going to be notified of your living arrangements."

"You wouldn't dare. You wouldn't do that," whispered Suguru, fear creeping into his voice. But the line was already dead.

"Not even he would do that… he's the one who rescued me from them…"

Suguru's homework was forgotten about as he put his head in his arms and cried.

---

"Now, if I was a modem cable, where would I hide?"

Shuichi made his way along the crowded streets, looking for a likely place to buy the last items on his friend's list. He didn't seem to notice the strange looks he received as he towed a plastic electric green wagon behind him with bags full of things that they needed (and a few extras). Indeed, he was so intent on finding a computer hardware store that he kept tripping over his untied shoelaces. He didn't want to stop and tie them together for fear of forgetting where he was- it had happened before. As soon as Shuichi had bent down to tie them earlier, he couldn't remember where he was when he looked back up, until a sign told him he was next to Tokyo Tower.

He continued on his merry little way for a while, looking around and gazing at all the flashy signs that wouldn't be turned on until night fell.

_I'd love to take a walk along here sometime later, when all the signs are lit up. That would be pretty cool! Maybe I could get Suguru to come along with me, if he doesn't have a lot of work to do, that is. I wonder how he's doing? Oh shit, he hasn't eaten anything since yesterday, and I promised to be back in a few hours! How many has it been now?_

A clock in the window of a store displayed the time as 4:57 in the afternoon. To the best of his memory, he had left around ten-thirty that morning, so he had been out for almost six and a half hours so far.

_And I said I'd look out for him too! Forget the cable, I'm going home right now!_

He suddenly took off at a gallop, the wagon rattling behind him and coming dangerously close to spilling its contents each time he rounded a turn. Soon enough he was out of the main city and into the housing area. He paused to catch his breath and figure out where he was- he had been running blindly, not particularly caring where he was going.

_I've got to stop doing that- that's how I get lost. This row of houses looks familiar, though… I think I'm near NG. How did I get all the way over here! I must have gone farther than I thought in the city... now I have to get home, the fastest way being the train, but I can't go on there with the wagon. If I run I won't be able to see where I'm headed either, so I have to jog or something. Man, this is going to take forever, and I'll bet he's starving right now… thinking about how much he hates me… mou, standing here isn't doing me any good! I think I'll go… that way!_

Shuichi picked a street to his right and trotted along it, wagon in tow, looking every which-way for a sign that would point him in the direction of his new home. He made his way through the maze of streets, turning down different ones on impulse.

---

It took about an hour and a half of this before he conceded that he needed a better plan of attack, and the first step was to get himself "un-lost". Shuichi slowed to a normal walk and inspected his surroundings more thoroughly. To his shock, he found he had made his way towards Yuki's apartment, and over the hedge row about twenty feet away, he could see his car.

"Oh, shit. No way I'm asking him for help. Hey, from here I can find Hiro's, and maybe I can use his phone to at least call Suguru to let him know I'm on my way. That sounds good…"

"Feh. Coming back to me already?" asked a cool, cold voice.

Shuichi slowly turned around and tried to quell his raging emotions. Directly behind him stood Eiri Yuki, his former lover that continued to torment him in his sleep. Right now, he was glaring at him with those beautiful eyes, the smallest of smirks on his lips as the breeze gently teased with his hair.

He gulped audibly and stammered: "N-no…" Shuichi couldn't tear his eyes away. For all he had run away, vowing to himself never to return to this man, he couldn't look away. Yuki still held his heart, and the two of them knew it.

"Oh really. Then why did you come here when you could have gone to Nakano-kun's?" _I've been stalking you all day and you didn't notice, and you were oblivious when you started to head towards my home. You're hopeless._

"I g-got lost… I have m-my own home now…" _I can't believe I still like him this much… I have to go home… but at the same time, I want to run into his arms and go back to what we used to be… _

"Yeah, Tohma told me about it. Don't look so surprised, Shu- the man has some unbelievable connections. So…" Yuki slowly advanced on the singer, taking off his hat and brushing the boy's hair aside as he leant down for a kiss. It was all Shuichi could do not to kiss back, though his hands placed themselves of their own volition around the blonde's neck. Relief, want, fear, and guilt all rushed through his lithe body as Yuki tried to deepen the kiss by attempting to force Shuichi's mouth open so he could explore, but Shuichi pushed him back and looked away, wiping his mouth on his sleeve.

"What's wrong? I thought you were coming back to me."

_Don't tease me like that, or I just might… don't play games with me..._ "No, I'm going home. Good bye." He turned around a bit quickly than he meant to and continued up the street, resigning himself to taking the long way to Hiro's.

"Shu!" He couldn't help it- he stopped dead in his tracks, mind willing him to go on, but body staying frozen to the spot as firm hands placed themselves on his shoulders.

"I'll drive you home. You can't go around Tokyo with a wagon like that."

"Wh-what do you care! I'm not accepting anything from you!" _For all I know, you'll just kidnap me right here and take me inside to make up, and then I'll never want to leave again, until the next time you break your promise. I don't know if I can resist you- the only thing keeping me from jumping into your arms right now is Suguru, who I have to go home to and give him the bento box I got for him. Plus, we just moved in, so I can't very well leave right away… though it's so tempting…_

"Think of it more as an… apology. For being uncaring." In truth, Yuki just wanted to have his little pink baka back at his home so there would be noise and someone to blame and have sex with when he wanted, but he decided he should play nice if he was to get what he wanted. Manipulating Shuichi wouldn't be too hard since the guy was pretty simple, and obviously still loved him. He hadn't moved away from his grip yet.

"You're saying sorry?" he whispered. "You never say that- you never say anything nice to me." _What's he playing at? What's he thinking about? I should just turn around and slap him right now for being a dirty liar and a cheating whore, but I can't. I can't do it. Maybe he _is_ just apologising… no, he never does that. Yuki never says he regrets an action. But still… you don't know… this is the first time you've left him; why not give him a second chance? No! No, he betrayed ME! Whatever, just take him up on the ride… you need one._

"Yeah. Come on." Yuki gruffly pulled him along by one hand and dragged him to the car. He opened the back seat doors and put the wagon in, then opened the front one for Shuichi. _Oh, he's so confused. Poor baby. He's falling back into my hands so easily, it's almost pathetic… I hope you're happy, Tohma. And I hope your cousin will be too…_

---

Suguru's head reeled as he stood up when he was done the worst of his crying. He stumbled into the kitchen to get something to eat and take some medicine for it, but the empty cabinets and refrigerator reminded him that they had nothing yet- not a single thing in the apartment. It also reminded him of Shuichi, who had said he'd be back soon… the clock on the microwave hadn't been set yet, so that couldn't help him, but he guessed the time as somewhere in the late afternoon by the light and the traffic noise below. Where was the baka? He should have been back by now. The convenience store was only four blocks away, and anything else he could be looking for wasn't too far beyond that.

_He probably got lost. I should have gone with him! I haven't gotten much of anything done, thanks to Tohma and my own weakness… I should go back and get as much done as possible. If Shuichi's not back by sundown, I'll start looking…_

Unsteadily, Suguru walked back into the study and collapsed into a chair. His head was still spinning.

_I don't think I've ever cried like that… but I was so afraid and upset. Why would Tohma do this to me? What does he have against me that he would hate me this much? I thought we were just rival musicians… but if he's bringing my… parents… into this, then it's something deeper than that. What is it…? Why am I always being torn to shreds by my own family?_

"_Onii-chan, you okay?" The child's face returned to him again, full of concern and absolute trust. His huge brown eyes and short, fuzzy black hair were so familiar… and he hated it. He hated everything about this small being, this little boy who wouldn't leave him alone._

_Go away, go away, go away…_

"_I love you, onii-chan!"_

_I'm an only child- I've never had a brother! The image faded and shifted to that of a slightly younger verson of his cousin, a taunting and chilling smile on his face. _

"_You'll never be able to hide it forever- but go ahead. Try. See what happens when someone brings the past out of you, so you see just how much of an outcast you really are. What I've told you today will help fill in those missing gaps from before you can remember, and you can be assured I have told you the complete and unaltered version. It's all true. Suguru, you are…"_

_Shut up, Tohma! You've screwed me up already- just go away!_

"_You are… of the lowest kind…"_

_SHUT UP! I DON'T CARE WHAT YOU SAY!_

Unable to stop the flow of new tears, he sobbed onto the desk again, his anxiety and confusion returning stronger than ever.

---

"Here you go. I'll call tomorrow."

With that, Yuki pulled back out into the street. Shuichi didn't bother to ask how Yuki had his address or phone number- he simply made his way to the elevator and pressed the button for the fourteenth floor. The short conversation that they had had in the car was still running through his mind.

---Flashback---

"I checked out the house you got- it's not bad, but I know you could've done better. Why pick such a small apartment so far away from your job?" _And so close to the best high school in Japan?_

Yuki didn't take his eyes away from the road, but he knew that the boy sitting next to him had a blank, expressionless thousand-yard stare on his face. That meant he was trying to sort through a flood of emotions at the moment while looking stupid at the same time… it was the perfect way to avoid being asked questions that involved more complex answers than giving his name.

"It's not that far away. We can ride the train to work." Shuichi kicked himself as soon as he realised his slip-up. If Yuki knew he was living with someone else, he'd leak it to the media in no time.

"We? I was under the impression that you lived by yourself." _Come on, you damn brat- tell me who you're living with so I can embarrass you both, and you'll come back to me with your tail between your legs, even though you'll hate me. If I force you two to separate, you'll have nowhere to go because you can't live on your own. So I'll be here, ready and waiting for you... pet. Just tell me the name on your own so I can pin it on you and keep my sources covered._

"Yeah… we're sharing the rent. It's not a bad place, really… a little plain, but I'm used to that." _He's up to something…_

"Does your roommate have a name?" _Just tell me it's Fujisaki Suguru so I can get this out!_

"Uh-huh. But I'm not sure they'd like it if I told you, since they don't know you, after all."

Shuichi was doing his best blank stare so he could concentrate all his efforts on making a convincing lie. Maybe Hiro wouldn't fall for it, but as long as Yuki did, then that was all that mattered. He didn't know what the blonde was up to, but for him to take such an interest in his personal life like he was could only spell out trouble.

"Surely it wouldn't hurt," he enticed, "unless it's someone you don't want to be found with? Or are you afraid I'll go after them? If that's it, then drop it. I'm not out for revenge over something like this." _Damn! He must be on to me…_

"I just think it's rude to give you their name without their consent. Sorry."

"Shu, I promise I won't go after them or anything." He saw it out of the corner of his eye when the singer twitched upon hearing his nickname again. Yuki inwardly smirked with pleasure- he still had a huge control over his heart.

"Why do you care so much?"

"I don't really, I just wanted to know. I'll see you later… Shu." _Damn brat! I'll get it from him later, then. He can't stay away from me for very long._

---End Flashback---

The elevator pinged quietly to let him know he had reached his destination. Shuichi stepped out onto the landing and walked down the length of it to their apartment, continuing to be lost in thought as he unlocked the door and went inside, still towing the wagon behind him.

"Suguru?" he called. "Hey, Suguru, I'm home- sorry it took so long!"

He shut the door and took his shoes off before going to the kitchen to put the food away. Suguru was probably still working, so he'd just put everything away and bring the bento box to him.

Shuichi didn't pay any attention to where he put things away, only taking enough care to put the cold things in the refrigerator (though most were now warm) and the dry things in the empty pantry. He didn't bother to take the dishes or cups out of whatever containers they were in either. He was still thinking about Yuki.

_He really wants to know who I'm living with… but why? Since when does this sort of thing interest him at all? I won't tell him anything just to play it safe, but it still bothers me. Okay, that's all taken care of- time to find my roommate. I hope Yuki never finds out about Suguru, because no matter what he says, he'd go out of his way to hurt him. I wish he wasn't so possessive of me… me, an old toy…_

Shuichi grabbed up the small box on the table and padded over to the study. He put his ear to the door in an attempt to hear what his friend was doing, but there was no noise at all. Cautiously he slid the door open, only to find Suguru still in his nightclothes, studying from one of his schoolbooks.

"Suguru…?"

"What is it?"

_He sounds… upset. He's probably pissed that I didn't come home when I said I would._ "Ano, I have something for you…"

"Is it the modem? I have a research assignment that I want to get started on."

"Sorry, no… I got lost, and when I realised how late I was, I rushed to get home… I'm sorry."

Suguru exhaled with frustration, but he seemed too preoccupied to vent it. "That's fine, Shuichi, I have other things I have to do too. If Rage-san is still out I can get it tomorrow." _I hope it doesn't look like I was crying… I'm so tired…_

"O-okay."

An awkward silence stretched on for an eternity. Not sure what else to say, Shuichi set the bento box down next to his friend and went out to the living room to set up his Playstation 2. He had to keep himself busy, if only to not think about Yuki, or wonder why Suguru looked like he had been crying for most of the day. Through spending time with him in the band and watching him closely, Shuichi was already tuned-in to the synth player's warning signs for sadness and depression. He hadn't changed his clothes, he was being curt and was easily frustrated much like he had been before Bad Luck had fully accepted him as a member, and his fist had been clenched so hard it was shaking and nearly drawing blood.

_What aren't you telling me, Suguru?_ he asked him silently, remembering the distraught expression in his eyes when they had briefly glanced up at him. _How can I help you if I don't know why you cry so much? _

His hands came across a folded sheet of paper that had fallen from somewhere. Upon opening it, he found it was a small reminder that Yuki had written on how to set the PS2 up, back from when he had continually bothered the man to help him. A sketchy picture of a television set and which cords went where with some short explanations were all it contained, and yet a person would believe that it held all the misery and sadness a human could endure, as Shuichi's body was racked with sobs and painful gasps for air.

_I still regret everything I've done with him, I regret meeting him and giving myself to him… so why can't I forgive myself? _

A/N: Oh, angst. … Blah. This chapter wasn't too bad, in my opinion. I "fixed" it too many times for it not to be good. (Read: I've fooled myself into accepting this as suitable because I'm very unwilling to go over it _again_.) I hope everyone else who reads it has similar thoughts… especially since the last chapter wasn't really anything to be proud of. u.u;

Life's been rushing me along the past few days, and it doesn't look as though it'll quit any time soon, so there are probably going to be longer gaps between updates. I promise I won't forget about this though. (Blah blah blah you've heard this before with little or no results.)

I'll probably re-post this chapter if I can ever find the most recent edit. (Though I can't remember if I actually changed anything the last time I went over it…) Two dysfunctional computers, a million identical floppy disks, and a conniving little brother keep getting in the way of "progress".

Next is Chapter Six- Contention.


	6. Contention

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. I like to buy things related to it, though.

A --- indicates a scene change. Text without quotations is not spoken.

_Italics are internal dialogue/thought._

"Quotations are spoken dialogue."

---Chapter 6- Contention---

The next few weeks passed without much incidence. Rage was pushing them harder than ever in rehearsals and recording sessions, wanting to get the album finished and shipped out by the end of the month, and they were already half-way through it. Suguru and Shuichi were both subject to the brunt of her anger- Shuichi for not writing songs to her satisfaction, and Suguru for not making fast enough progress in his vocal training. Hiro was often left to the side of things, occasionally being yelled at for not playing his part correctly, but otherwise left alone. The other two couldn't help but feel jealous at some times for that, though Suguru admitted that they were being driven so hard because they had the more important parts. Upon hearing that Hiro requested that he have a massive guitar solo- because he "deserved one"-, Shuichi granted his request with a great deal of muttering that his friend "wanted to feel special too".

In the meantime, Suguru was still splitting his time between school and Bad Luck, though he was having a harder time getting his homework done. After the episode the day after they had moved in together, he and Shuichi had been more awkward around each other. This confused and irritated him a little bit. Suguru felt that they should just drop it and move on- it had simply been a bad day. However, Shuichi refused to talk about it when asked, and after several attempts, he had simply stopped trying, assuming that it had something to do with Yuki as well, since the baka had finally started to cry over him after he came home every day.

---

"Fujisaki! Seguchi-san wants to see you in his office!" Called Rage, startling him out of his deep concentration. Suguru had been trying to perfect the bass part for a song Shuichi had written called "Karui". It seemed a little ironic to the synth player, but he had obliged to do it because it was for the band. "Karui" was a dance song and didn't have many lyrics, so it was the bass and not the vocals that would make or break the song.

To him, the lyrics seemed to contradict the title of the song, but Suguru wasn't going to dispute that with the singer unless someone else said something. That was his business… though he had half a mind to rewrite them himself, since they were getting stuck in his head already.

_Michi ni mayotte shimaimashta _

_demo!_

_Sug modorimas _

_kimi o sagashite imas_

_kimi o sagashite imas_

_Ugokanaide kudasai_

_tengoku made tsurete_

_itte kuremasen ka?_

_Watashi wa so_

_wa omoimasen…_

_Hitori des, hitori des_

_kimi ga hitsyo ga!_

_Hitori des, hitori des_

_kimi ga hitsyo ga!_

_Watashi o _

_ni dare mo_

_kimasen deshta_

"It's about time we did something besides pop songs," Suguru murmured to himself as he neared Tohma's office. "It's tiring doing the same thing all the time. It's a nice change."

Hearing his cousin's mild complaints outside his office, Tohma's mouth formed into a predatory grin. Things were going to change, again, and he was wondering if Suguru's appreciation of change would be the same after the conference…

---

"So Shu, why the depressing lyrics?" Hiro asked as soon as Suguru was gone.

"Huh? They're not 'depressing'… just a little different."

"You're a bad liar."

"You're a bad interpreter."

"Of what, words? Oh come on. '_Watashi wa so wa omoimasen…_'. Not exactly the cheeriest lyrics ever written."

Shuichi simply shrugged non-committaly and continued to hammer out the more intricate parts of the song… he was tempted to put it in a minor key, but that would be giving himself away too much… he'd have to settle for a major key. But, just to be difficult, it'd be G flat, one of the more obscure ones. He hoped Suguru wouldn't mind having to transpose it again.

"Don't think I don't know that you're still upset over Yuki- it's written all over your face. Listen, I don't care if you write this in a minor key- Suguru might, since that would make it harder for him to transpose- but you've already let us know that you're deeply unhappy. It's okay to have a downer of a song sometimes, y'know? We can't be happy all the time. And you, as crazy as you are, are no exception."

Hiro grinned widely as Shuichi turned around, eyes and nose running like faucets. He was trying to kindly thwart his friend's attempts to glomp him by way of thanks as Rage stepped into the studio. She looked unusually worried.

"Shindou-kun, you and Fujisaki-kun are living together, yes?" she asked, adjusting her glasses.

"U-uh, yeah. Why? Is something wrong?"

"Well, Seguchi-sama's not happy about it- he and Fujisaki-kun were having a pretty serious argument in their office when I went to retrieve him so we could actually get something done…"

"WHAT!"

"Yo, Shu, calm down!" Hiro grabbed the enraged Shuichi by the hem of his shirt and forced him to sit down on a near-by chair, where he promptly began to fidget and complain about not being able to help his friend.

"That PRICK! I just KNOW he's picking on Suguru!"

"Shu-"

"If I could get my hands on him…"

"You'd what, Shu? Get a grip! If they're arguing, it's probably over something to do with their family! We have no place in it!" Shuichi stopped trying to escape and turned to face Hiro, listening. "Suguru can probably hold his own in an argument- just let it pass, and get working on that song so we can actually do something when he gets back. He doesn't need us to fight his battles for him."

"Yeah, yeah, all right…" mumbled Shuichi after a few moments of deep contemplation.

_But you didn't see him that first day- he was wrecked. Suguru's not a rock of solid emotion… he's just like us, Hiro. He has dreams and fragile feelings too. He's just better at hiding them. … I'm worried…_

---

"Suguru-kun, do sit down. This may take a while."

Tohma's blue eyes flashed with malice. Suguru's own were tired, but he didn't let it show- instead, he had a carefully prepared expression of indifference on his face, knowing full well that it was likely to crack despite his best efforts later on.

"Thank you, Tohma-san. And though I do not mean to be rude, Bad Luck needs me as soon as possible to finish our recordings."

"Yes, I am aware of that… now, let us dispense with the false politeness and talk as family. You remember our conversation last week, right? Of course you do," he said with a grin, as Suguru's eyes briefly betrayed a hint of the pain that hadn't quite faded away yet. "You're doing so well with hiding your thoughts and feelings from Shuichi… how is he, by the way? Has Yuki asked for him back yet?"

"Not that I know of, but he's been crying over him since we moved in."

"Don't be so cold, cousin…" Tohma got up from behind his desk to walk around and lean on its front, using his advantage of height to smirk cockily down at his younger relative. "After all, family's all you got left. We are all you have ever had."

"Feh. Tohma, as far as I'm concerned… I have no family. Few friends, no one I can really trust- surely, you understand why I think this way? I hope you do, someone of your intelligence knows so much more than the average person."

"Yes. I understand. Perfectly- moreso than you yourself do. And I hope that one day soon, perhaps, you will find out exactly _why_ that is. But we digress." Tohma stood up and pressed the speaker for his secretary. "Yes, please send them in now. Thank you."

_Who else would he drag into this…?_

"Suru-chan, we've missed you so much! It's so good to see you again!" Cried a familiar, feminine voice. Tohma's expression settled into a cruel, superior smirk. Sometimes, he loved how much of a bastard he could be…

"Suru-chan, it's been so long…" intoned a deeper, masculine voice. But it made no difference of the genders of the speakers- it was the personalities, the people who used those voices. The people who had the greatest hold over his mind, his heart… the only two people on the entire earth who could cause him to quake where he sat merely by greeting him.

"M-mom… dad…"

---

"Hn… Suguru's been gone for a while. We should check on him."

"Shu, you've been saying that about every five minutes. For the last time, he doesn't need us up there- we should be finishing our parts for him so he knows where everything goes."

"But Hi-ro…"

Hiro played a nasty chord on his guitar in frustration. "SHUICHI- we have to finish this! Just because Rage left to do something else doesn't mean we can lose our focus."

"Right…" Shuichi dipped his head and poured over the manuscript again, making sure everything was where it was supposed to be. Their manager had left them to their own devices again- without an explanation, of course- and ever since she had left, Shuichi had lost all pretense of focusing on the song and started vocally wondering after Suguru instead. Hiro wasn't sure how long Rage was going to be gone for, and he desperately wanted to be spared her anger if she returned to see nothing done, so he was trying to put Shuichi back on the fast-track to saving their lives. But things were conspiring against him today…

"Nakano, you're getting more and more like me every day. Have you missed me?"

He whipped around to find himself staring down the barrel of a hunting rifle, a blue eye visible in its scope. The holder of the gun grinned manically and used a hand to move a few strands of long blonde hair out of the way as he winked at his target.

"K-san!"

"Hello! Delighted to make your acquaintance again, Nakano! And Shindou," he said, nodding. "I see you're still your unproductive self. Good!"

"K-san! WAAH!" Shuichi flung himself from his working stool and rushed to hug his old manager, before he was tripped by a wire and landed flat on his face. K smiled again and began to loudly banter about Shuichi's inherent clumsiness, lateness, and general stupidity. Shuichi himself didn't care in the slightest- he was happy to see his old manager again. So was Hiro.

"So, erm… K-san. What brings you back here?" asked Hiro, slightly nervous. He was still in point-blank range of what was most likely a loaded gun.

"Big news! I have been re-assigned as your manager! Rage pulled out whatever stick she had up her ass, and asked me to come back and look after you idiots. Of course I immediately abandoned my meager job as a doting father at home and jumped at the chance to come back to Japan to look after Bad Luck- Rage is so very stingy when asking for help!" His speech about how he left Michael and Judy at home to return to his "most favourite band of incapable morons" went on for several minutes, completely engaging Shuichi's meager attention span, and Hiro's personal intrigue.

No one noticed when Suguru came back in the studio room as if nothing had happened and began to silently work on the bass part, not caring that Shuichi had put it in a minor key, making his job even harder. He was in his own world, seeking to escape the one he was doomed to live in.

---

Later, Shuichi and Suguru were sharing a dinner of instant ramen on the porch. It was the first pleasant night in a while- the wind was calm and slightly balmy, there was no humidity, it was too early in the year for insects, and the traffic below was relatively quiet. The sun had set by then and some stars managed to show themselves through the constant light of Tokyo. The moon hung low, a bright white crescent in sharp contrast with the darkness of the night sky.

The two teens hadn't spoken a word since they had left the studio. Shuichi was still stunned about K's unexpected return, and his own worries about Yuki's offer to take him in again. Suguru was having trouble with the storm of emotions that had plagued him since he had left Tohma's office hours earlier.

-- Flashback, Suguru's POV--

I couldn't comprehend it, and I know that my disbelief and fear were plain as day on my face. _WHY_ was all I could think of- why had Tohma done this? I couldn't even hate him right then- I could only fear, I could only remind myself to breathe.

I could only remind myself that they couldn't do anything to me in Tohma's office.

"Tohma-kun has told us about you leaving my sister and… shacking up with a band-mate of yours. Suru-chan, your mother and I are afraid for you- we only want what's best for you."

My shocked silence must have been a cue for my mom, because she started spouting more of the same. It was to the effect of "we love you, we're worried for you, please come back to us."

Lies. Never once did they apologise to me, never once did they even mention that me coming back to live with them would be a second chance at redemption for their damned souls. They can go back and rot in whatever hellhole Tohma found them in, and while I thought about it, he could join them. The three sources of my deepest hatred and mistrust of humanity could go and wallow in misery together. How I wished it would happen.

"Suguru-kun, what do you say? It's been years, more than enough-"

"No. Thank you, but no. I choose to stay 'shacked up' with Shindou-san. He's an idiot, yes, but he's also kind and… less liable to damage me."

The chaos that I caused lasted for only a minute or so; both of my parents started half-begging, half-demanding that I come home with them. Tohma raised his voice louder and louder to get over the din until I was sure the windows would break.

Once they were settled again, Tohma quietly threatened me with legal action. He'd get the government involved… he'd use his connections to remove me from my current home and place me back to that of my childhood.

The buildings could change every day. The countries too, and just as often. But as far as I was concerned, any place I lived with the two devils incarnate that were my parents would be the same as the one that haunted my nightmares- a dingy, two-room apartment in the outskirts of the residential district of Tokyo.

-- End Flashback, normal POV--

The unusual tranquility of the evening was not totally lost to Shuichi or Suguru- their meditations were often disturbed by a playful breeze, or a moment of appreciation for the lovely weather. Still they refrained from speaking to one another, however, as the minutes stretched into an hour, and then to two. The moon rose higher and higher until it was eventually directly above them- at that moment, Suguru decided that enough was enough and he should get to bed, shaking his head and unconsciously brushing his arm as if it would erase the worry in his heart. He got up and went back inside without so much as a "good night" to Shuichi, who was now a little lonely without his friend's quiet companionship.

He wasn't left alone for too long before the phone rang. Curious and a touch annoyed, Shuichi padded inside and picked it up without bothering to read the caller ID.

"Shindou here," he said, stifling a yawn. It was nearly midnight.

"Hey, Shu- did you think about my offer at all?" The voice on the other line was disarming, seemingly innocuous- but Shuichi knew better than to trust it.

"Yuki, it's nearly midnight. Why-"

"Listen brat. Did you think about it or not?" Yuki was trying to make the insult sound loving as it had once been, but it came out as a direct attack to Shuichi. Things weren't the same any more.

"Yes," he admitted hesitantly.

"And?"

"I need more time… I mean, no, I decline."

The soft whispered laughter on the other side of the line proved that Yuki wasn't fooled one bit by his ex's conviction about leaving him. "I'll give you another week, is that okay, brat?"

"Don't call me that, and don't call here ever again!"

"Be careful you don't wake your new lover up with your shouting."

"He's not my lover- we're just friends. Su-" he stopped short, horrified. _Oh no…_

"Su? Your roommate wouldn't happen to be Fujisaki Suguru, would it?"

"N-no. It's some one else. Bye, Yuki."

A sarcastic "yeah right" was heard before Shuichi hung up the phone. He walked back out on to the porch and sat in a seat, trying to find the moon, but it had already disappeared from sight. He started to cry and hugged his knees to his chest, trying to find some comfort to help him forgive his careless mistake.

_What have I done?_

--- End Chapter 6 ---

A/N: Sorry for the more technical parts of music. It's not crucial to understand it, but… well, let's say my inner bando/orcho/choro nerd was shining through for a moment. Music and writing are my biggest passions. Maybe that's why Gravitation is so appealing- fantastic music, cute guys, and endless possibilities for stories. Murakami-sama really gave us a nice cast of characters to work with!

Okay! The band/football season is officially over now (fake emo-tear of sadness), and once the multiple concerts and Thanksgiving are out of the way, I'll be good until Christmas. I think. The homework's been getting a little bit much, but nothing I can't handle at the moment.

I've been on a tiny break of sorts writing a 4x1 fic for Gundam Wing… nothing huge, really, I'm looking for it to be anywhere between twenty and forty pages. I love Gravitation too, and there's no way I'm going to let this go! So don't worry, if you ever worry about stuff like this…

FUDGE! I like putting thank-you's to reviewers at the end of chapters! has too many rules. u.u; At any rate: thanks Cherushii and Kyuunen-kun, again. I guess I'll have to send you guys individulalized stuff now, huh?

Oh yeah. A friend of mine who can draw has graciously started to make this into a doujinshi! Her DeviantArt name is Sashi Mizumoto.

Next is Chapter Seven- Mindful Disarray. Hopefully I'll be able to make it a bit longer too. I realise I've been slacking with plot as of late.


	7. Mindful Disarray

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. I like to buy things related to it, though.

"_Italic text within quotations is a character writing._"

---Chapter Seven- Mindful Disarray---

With help of K and a few minor gunshot wounds, the album production was finished ahead of schedule and the preparation for the tour began in earnest. Equipment lists, tour stops, supplies, costumes, and a thousand other things had to be set in place for the joint Bad Luck and Nittle Grasper performances. Tickets had already gone on-sale, and had broken all previous records as far as ticket-box smashes went. Most places that had been confirmed stops had sold out within a day. The other locations that were pending approval were getting all sorts of phone calls each day- ranging from tearful pleads to open their doors to threats of terrorism if they didn't. Madness became normality at NG Studios.

Meanwhile, Suguru and Shuichi had finally overcome their barrier of awkwardness around each other. They didn't mention anything about the conference between Suguru and Tohma or Yuki, as the unspoken accord between them dictated. Lately, Shuichi had taken to helping Suguru with the volume of homework he had to do- while the singer wasn't able to understand much of what he was learning, he would type and edit the good drafts of Suguru's essays, do research for reports (Suguru had struck out on his own after school one day to get a cable modem), and occasionally provided moral support in the form of caffeinated tea or simply being there for his friend. Shuichi liked being with Suguru when he worked- the synth player wasn't snappish if interrupted, and would chat with him while doing an easy assignment. All in all, Shuichi concluded that he didn't need Yuki to be happy any more, now that he and Suguru were talking again.

Suguru, on the other hand, was stressed and worn out beyond belief. He and Shuichi were talking again, yes, but he could detect the silences and omissions in their dialogue. He could feel the pressing need to know what was making Shuichi throw himself blindly into either one of three things- Bad Luck's upcoming tour, helping with his homework load, or Dance Dance Revolution. Suguru thought that Yuki had something to do with it, but that was just a wild guess.

---

"_Shit happens/and I'm supposed to deal/But I've been "dealing" with it all my life/or at least that's how it feels…_" The pencil hesitated on its journey across the pages of a small paperback manuscript book. He was having writer's block. Again.

"ARGH! I can't take this any more!"

Shuichi gave up and stumbled out of his room and into the living room to play some DDR, since he was getting nowhere with his lyrics.

_And I only have to do half the job_, he thought savagely as he began to warm up on Love Love Sugar. _Ryuichi's going to be writing the music…_

---Flashback, about six hours ago---

"Shuichi, I'm heading out. We're almost out of food again."

"Aww, Suguru! Play a game with me! We can get food later!"

Suguru's eyebrow twitched with annoyance. "We. Are. Out. Of. Most. Edible. Substances. In. This. House."

"Right, right, but I'm not hungry and you just ate, so what's the rush? Puh-LEAZE?"

The impatient sigh coupled with the curt "I'll be back soon" stung Shuichi and prompted him to cry "YOU JERK!" as Suguru shut the door in his face without looking back. Shuichi had a fit of hysterics that lasted for all of five minutes before he took out his dance pad and began to step in time to the up-beat techno songs in the game. He swore loudly each time he missed a step, which was the only outward display of temper that he showed.

"HOLYFUCKINGSHIT!"

A loud knocking on the door had disturbed his thoughts as he was about to land a perfect combo on Maximizer. Shuichi angrily stomped his way to the door as soon as the song was finished, planning to scream bloody murder if it was a stranger, be cold and distant if it was Suguru or Hiro, or stab the would-be visitor to death if it was anyone else he knew.

"What the hell do you-"

"Na no da, Shuichi!"

Shuichi was knocked off-kilter and fell over as a blur of pink and brown sprang on to him, hugging him tightly. He blinked his eyes in surprise and confusion as a pink rabbit was shoved into his face, its holder smiling widely, blue eyes glimmering with excitement.

"Kumogoro says hi too!"

"Ryuichi! Um, hi…?"

"Why are you on the ground?" Without waiting for an answer, the superstar and rock-legend Ryuichi Sakuma looked up and down the living room as if searching for something. "Where's Fujisaki-kun? Tohma asked me to talk to both of you. Oh well!" He smiled brightly and seemed to forget whatever Tohma had wanted of him. "Let's make you sparkly again! You're not shiny anymore."

"Huh?" Shuichi was at a total loss. He was still trying to figure out why his former idol was straddling him on the hardwood floor of his living room.

If Suguru came home and found them like this…

Shuichi quickly scrambled into an upright position. Ryuichi squeaked in protest and was toppled to his back, accidentally dropping Kumogoro in the process. Both young men stared at the pink rabbit that lay spread-eagle on the floor when it landed, one looking hurt and confused, the other a little panicked, annoyed, and tired. Ryuichi was the first to speak.

"Shuichi, I don't know what's bothering you right now, but you need to talk to someone about it. Preferably Suguru." He paused as Shuichi looked up at him, though he kept staring at his rabbit companion. Ryuichi wasn't goofing off anymore. "He's going through a lot of emotional stress right now. … I don't think he even realizes most of it. Shuichi, if you want to help him and yourself, you've got to start talking about more than Bad Luck and the weather outside."

"Ryuichi… I…"

"You've got to be sparkly again, Shuichi!" Again, Shuichi was thrown off-balance as Ryuichi reverted to his normal carefree personality.

"… Wha…?"

"Let's write a song together! It'll be a happy song- you write the words, and I'll write the music! Is that okay?" He left no room for reply as he went on: "It'll be for the tour, okay? We'll sing it together at the end of each stop!"

"Sure?"

"Yay! I have to go Shuichi, I promised Tatsuha I'd meet him at the zoo in a few minutes, but we can see each other at work and figure it out! BYE!"

And in a matter of seconds, both Ryuichi and Kumogoro were gone. Shuichi was left exactly as he had been on the floor, still wondering what had happened. Something about writing a happy song… na no da… sparkly… and talking to Suguru. On a more personal level.

_Fuck. I don't think I'm ready for that. _

He got up and went to close the door as a folded sheet of paper caught his eye on the ground. Shuichi's intense curiosity drove him to pick it up, where a mess of hiranga covered what he assumed was the front. From the best he could make of it, Shuichi figured that it was Ryuichi's handwriting:

Tohma wanted me to drop this off for you and Suguru. I want you to read it first, Shuichi, then show it to Suguru. This concerns both of you… but you might want to think about your response before flying off the handle. Think about the implications of what he has to say, okay? I don't want trouble for either of you.

- Ryuichi

_Uh oh. This can't be good. _

Shuichi furrowed his brows as a knot of apprehension formed inside his gut. Ryuichi's note didn't sound very encouraging.

The crackle of unfolding legal paper seemed to echo endlessly off the walls as Shuichi opened it up and read the much neater and more professional hiranga inside.

Mister Shindou Shuichi-san and Mister Fujisaki Suguru-san;

Mister Seguchi Tohma-san has officially noted the police department that Fujisaki Suguru-san is currently living with Shindou Shuichi-san while being underage and having healthy, capable parents within the area. It is requested that Fujisaki Suguru-san return to his parent's residence by the end of the month or intervention by the police force will be necessary.

Sincerely,

Horitsu Ryokai

Chief of Police, Tokyo

Underneath the brief notice was a list of numbers he could contact if he had any questions, as well as a calendar of public events for the upcoming month. Shuichi just stared and stared, his mind working as hard and as fast as it could to get around the blatant warning. It was so sudden, and such a heavy-handed tactic for Tohma to use. He just didn't understand.

---End Flashback---

So now he was back to jumping around on the dance pad as he tried to forget himself in the songs and arrows that flashed all over the screen. Tsuguru, Sandstorm, Abyss, Maximizer, Rhythm and Police, Ecstasy, 321 Stars, even The Legend of Max- none of them let him lose his mind slowly and calmly. He eventually gave up when his legs would barely support his weight and went to go lie down in his room. There was nothing more he could do to distract himself.

_God, what did I do to deserve this? Oh man, oh man… this is really serious. I don't think there's any way to get out of it… damn you, Tohma! First Yuki, and now Suguru? Why won't you just let me be!_

Shuichi stopped dead in the middle of the hall and clenched his fists while squinting to stop his urge to cry. _This is so unfair!_ kept repeating through his head like a silent declaration of faith to a cruel god. All he wanted was to make music and find someone he could love with all his heart, forever. He personally didn't think it was asking all that much- weren't there plenty of people out there who wanted the entire world at their fingertips? He, Shuichi, merely wished to have a dedicated and caring lover to create music with. Someone who understood him and wouldn't patronize him all the time, someone who would… would…

"I JUST WANT SOMEONE WHO GIVES A DAMN ABOUT ME!" he screamed to the empty house. The only reply was a ringing in his ears. How had it come to this, really? He was supposed to be more worried about Suguru and Tohma's plans to evict him…

He stiffened as something occurred to him.

_Why doesn't he want to go back to his parents, anyway? _

Shuichi side-glanced guiltily at the closed sliding door to his left, debating whether to go in and look for answers as his curiosity quickly ate away at him inside. He wasn't a very nosy person, not really… but he just had to know… if he knew why Suguru and Tohma hated each other, and why Suguru didn't want to go live with his parents, it would be easier for them to find a solution to their problem, wouldn't it?

---Flashback---

"Nee, Suguru… how are your parents doing?" asked Shuichi casually as the band took a break from recording. It had been a more productive day than usual so Rage and K had decided to give them a break for a few minutes as a reward. Hiro had taken the opportunity to get a snack from the cafeteria, Rage and K were having a mini-conference with the recording team, and the rest of NG was having a relatively slow day. Shuichi and Suguru were left to themselves.

"I don't know, and frankly, don't care," he responded bluntly.

The directness of that statement caused Shuichi to almost lose his balance as he tried to see how far he could lean back on his stool before it fell. His heart was pounding as he righted himself and tried to probe deeper into the situation- why did Suguru sound so hostile towards his own flesh and blood?

"Mou, isn't that a bit… harsh? I mean, come on… "

"Shindou-san."

The sharpness of being addressed by his last name effectively shut him up as Suguru made his point exceptionally clear.

"I don't like my parents. I have no intention of speaking well of them. I also do not plan on leaving you any time soon. With that settled, please do not ask me about them again. I have my reasons…" it seemed as if he was going to say more, but a cloud settled over his features and Suguru dove back into the music in front of him.

The heavy silence that descended upon the recording room made Shuichi shiver with discomfort. He first tried to keep his mouth shut so as not to disturb Suguru, but as the seconds passed, he couldn't contain his next burning question.

"Okay, so you don't like your parents- but why not Seguchi-san? He's-"

"I will say this once, and then we will _not_ bring this up ever again. Do realise that I am only saying this because I trust you, Shindou, and because of that I expect you to not use it as a tool for gossip." Suguru's icy glare and deadly tone of voice froze Shuichi to the core. All he could do was nod and stare at the gorgeous, pain-filled green eyes before him, half a room away.

"Seguchi is my rival in almost every aspect of my life. From my first day in this world until the day I die, he'll be there watching over me and protecting me from harm. He's like an angel from Hell… all blessings come with a curse. Can't you see? Can't anyone see? He's toying with all of us, Tohma, he's…"

But what Tohma was exactly, Shuichi never found out as Suguru quickly ducked his head and remained silent for the rest of the break. After Rage, K, and Hiro came back he was acting like his usual self, but Shuichi could tell he was hurting. His eyes were a little red from where Suguru had wiped his tears away, for starters…

---End Flashback---

"If I find out more about this, then I can help more. Ryuichi told me I should get to know Suguru better, so that's what I'm going to do! I'll just be really careful."

The feelings of deja-vu and apprehension about going through Suguru's private things without consent were like a burden on Shuichi's back as he quickly entered his band mate's spotless room and began to look for any hints about his vague past. He wasn't sure how much time he had, so Shuichi was trying to be both efficient and excessively careful at the same time. He first opened and searched though the closet, painstakingly putting every article of clothing he displaced by even an eighth of an inch back to where it had originally been. The only thing of interest he found in there was that Suguru had a small stuffed cat hidden all the way in the back corner. From the look of it, it had seen plenty of better days… but he couldn't be distracted. Shuichi was on a mission, goddamn it.

Next he went through all of Suguru's notebooks and backpack, which yielded no results. He sat down in the middle of the floor after an hour had passed; time seemed to have a way of escaping when he wanted to stall it for a while. The only places Shuichi hadn't searched were the boy's underwear drawer and bed. Deciding he didn't want to go so far as to go through his boxers, Shuichi carefully lifted up and inspected the futon mattress. Finding nothing but more hardwood underneath, he was about to put it back down and give up when a soft _thump_ indicated something had fallen on the other end. He carefully laid the mattress back down, smoothed over the sheets, and went to inspect. He was surprised to find a small hard-back journal lying on the floor. It was all black and tied closed with some red ribbon.

Shuichi looked over his shoulder as he picked up the little book. Suguru hadn't called, so he had no idea where his friend was. He could only assume he was still out… well, he'd skim through until he found what he was looking for.

_That's it,_ Shuichi promised himself._ I'm only trying to see why Suguru hates his family._

He undid the knot and opened up the journal to the first page. It was dated back a few months, around Christmas time. Shuichi instantly forgot his promise as he began to read:

"_December 23rd _

… _I suppose it goes without question that me keeping a journal is a last resort. It is too easy to find, and I have reservations against writing out my heart and soul in this little book, but nor can I simply keep things within me as I have done for years. It will have to be a necessary risk. At least it is small enough to hide in an unobtrusive manner, away from the prying eyes of my family… I despise their "concerned interest" in my life! I only want to be left alone. That's it- plain and simple. Misery, contrary to the popular belief, doesn't want company… at least, real misery doesn't…_

_It's almost Christmas time. Tomorrow, infact, is Christmas Eve. I'm sure Shindou and Yuki-san will be doing something romantic as will every other couple in Japan. Well, more accurately, Shindou will be begging and pleading Yuki-san to do something with him, and Yuki will at first try and push him away, until the baka persists and eventually melts his stony heart a bit. But then it will freeze over and the process will start over and over again… I wonder how he stands it. Not Yuki-san, but Shindou. I know Yuki's only toying with the Shindou… I've seen it in his eyes but refuse to say anything, because a happy Shindou is a productive Shindou. But I can't imagine Shindou being so dense that he can't realise what Yuki's doing. Tohma knows it as well. I almost feel sorry for him, watching him with everyone else as he unconsciously falls deeper and deeper into the hole that Yuki-san is digging for him. He'll get his heart broken someday. I'm sure of it! Nakano-san wasn't sure when I brought it up with him, but he dismissed my concern with the reminder that Yuki-san finally admitted that he loved Shindou not long ago, and has been more open to almost every one. I disagree. He's planning something, I can tell. How? Because he and Tohma have been with me from the day I was born, in one way or another. I can read them as easily as I can pretend to be annoyed by Shindou. He's not a bad sort of guy and I'd like to get to know him better… he's so lucky he has Nakano as a friend. I'd do almost anything that was asked of me to gain a friendship like that! But I have neither the time nor the courage. _

… _My aunt's calling; I think she's drunk again. I don't want to go through another night like last night… I almost lost it forever. It's only coincidence that wearing turtlenecks in the winter is commonplace, really. If it was another time of year, or another place, it'd be hard to hide the marks of my life here at "home". My only wish for now is that I can escape tonight without much to show for it. Tomorrow and its set of problems can wait."_

Shuichi was stunned. He had no idea… Suguru had predicted what Yuki would end up doing? How did he know him so well? What did he mean by saying that Tohma and Yuki had always been with him? And what had he almost lost forever? Wait, he had talked about his relationship with Hiro! When? It was mind-boggling, all the questions that first entry raised. On impulse he flipped through the book and was daunted when he saw that it was filled entirely. The back cover even had writing on it!

Shuichi knew that he wouldn't be able to read everything in one sitting. And even though he knew that he was prying in a place where he had no place in being, he couldn't give it up. He had to keep going, he had to know. So he read on.

For the next two hours, Shuichi read about all about Bad Luck and more from Suguru's point of view. He learned that Suguru wasn't really angry with Shuichi when he freaked out on him, it was more a confusing mixture of raw emotions that the boy couldn't name, though he did try in a few spots: aggravated, exasperated, empathetic, amused, but the only conclusion that Suguru was able to come up with was simply confused. Also, Suguru's honest opinions on everyone else he knew were recorded there. Most of them came as little surprise to Shuichi- a bland acceptance that he would have to work with- and therefore get along- certain people, so he might as well make the best of it. Shuichi was intrigued that Suguru looked up to K a little bit, though. It was never clearly explained, but Shuichi figured it probably had something to do with the way that K could get the best of Tohma sometimes. Suguru frequently wrote about how much he aspired to "beat Tohma at his own game for once", though once again there were gaps in the reasons as to why. Shuichi could infer that at some point in the not-so-distant past, Tohma had both blessed and cursed his cousin in a way, and it did have something to do with his parents, but that was about it.

Finally, he got to the last entry, and Shuichi was disappointed in a way to see that it was from almost a month ago. Once he started to read it, though, he understood why.

"_March 3rd:_

_I can no longer continue to live in this place with my aunt. I don't care if she's the mother of my all-powerful cousin, and I don't care that I'll have nowhere else to go if I leave. I have had enough! Her and her whore-friends that she brings home after drinking have abused me for long enough. Almost every night for the past two months I have been forced into their threesomes- being violated in nearly every single way. I'm very fortunate that I have yet to actually lose my virginity, though it's going to be the last. I've been kissed, groped, fondled, stroked, and used as a cushion between bodies for far too long. Incest was never on a list of things I liked –let alone approved of- and having threesomes with strangers is no better. My performance in school and in Bad Luck has not been affected in the eyes of others, I know… but in my eyes, watching myself, I've become so worn and stretched far too thin. I have to get away and find somewhere where I can begin to rebuild myself… last week, and I did not write about this because it scared me far too much… I carelessly cut myself with a knife while preparing dinner. I was very tired that day and had a lot on my mind as well, but a mistake like that could have easily been avoided… in any event, I uttered a soft curse and made to clean the cut –being fortunate that my aunt was not home at the time as well- when I had a truly frightening experience. I saw the blood seeping from my wrist and suddenly, I was not in the kitchen- I was back in my first "home"… there was a child's face staring at me, wide brown eyes full of innocent curiosity as he called me "onii-chan". He seemed so familiar, yet I could not place him! I do not know what to make of it, much less the following events- his face changed, and I saw nothing, but the flash of what I can only assume to be light striking quick-moving steel and screams. The stench of blood over-powered my senses until I gagged and threw up on the floor… that was where I awoke, in the fetal position on the kitchen floor, shaking and shivering as I laid there in my own vomit. I couldn't move. Whatever that was, it has such a powerful effect on me that even as I write I can barely form sentences and my handshakes to the point where my writing is nearly illegible. Also, I am afraid to come into contact with any more knives or sharp objects of that nature for fear of it returning. I have also lost a great deal of sleep… the face haunts me in the early hours between midnight and dawn, as I lie awake in this closet and think about things. The child's face is ingrained in my consciousness so deeply that he haunts me almost every hour I spend awake at night, even as I am being toyed with in my aunt's room. All I can think of is him. But it raises the question that if I can think of nothing but that child when I am alone, are there more images and pictures like that? Is it part of a story from my past? It must be. I don't remember anything before my twelfth birthday. This has to be a part of my missing past, and my inexplicable fear of my parents… I want to know, but I'm afraid too. I don't know what to make of anything any more._

_I think I'll end this journal here. Since I've filled this up but only received minimal gratification from doing so, there is no reason for me to continue. I'll keep the book itself for memory's sake, I suppose, and because I've invested so much time in it… but a book can't compare with someone who understands you. People aren't made of paper and ink…"_

And that was it. Shuichi was completely dumbstruck, staring at the last few pages as if they could show more than was already written on them. The implications of this entry were _huge_. Suguru didn't have a past beyond his twelfth birthday? His fear of his parents was unexplained, and the child that gave him nightmares called him onii-chan? Then it hit him- March 3rd. That was the day that he had left Yuki and found Suguru in front of NG.

Shuichi's expression softened as he remembered that morning. Suguru's dream, he had been crying, shaking in his sleep… he must have been having another nightmare. But if all he could remember was the little brown-eyed boy's face… why was he begging for someone to stop hurting him? More importantly, why couldn't Suguru remember his own past?

_This is so complicated… oh man, I think I've gotten myself in over my head… poor Suguru! I wish… I don't know, but… I wish…_

"Shuichi."

Shuichi slowly turned around as his stomach clenched in a rush of fear and guilt. There behind him, leaning casually in the doorway, was Suguru.

_Oh… shit…_

"I think you have a lot to answer for, Shuichi."

A/N: Before you start complaining that there are inconsistencies with this chapter and the ones previous, read this: **all will be explained in the next chapter!** D I have a lot of schoolwork to catch up on at the moment… but break is imminent, and I anticipate on having a lot of time to do more work on this as well as maybe posting a smaller fic for Gundam Wing that I've been working on. In the meantime, though, this is all you get. Small but compact with plot, nee? This is where things really start to get crazy. … Did I say that before? I hope not, because if I did, then I lied. Oops.

But do not fear: while this is closing in on its finale, there's still quite a ways to go. So it's not like it's going to suddenly end at eight chapters or anything. I've got to tie the plot to the title of the story at the very least before I conclude "List of Worries".

By the way, I know not all of the songs Shuichi was dancing his little heart out to are on any one version of DDR, but hell, those are my favorites!

Look for Chapter Eight- Roller Coasters sometime soon-ish…


	8. Roller Coasters

Disclaimer: I do not own Gravitation. I like to buy things related to it, though.

---Chapter Eight- Roller Coasters---

"Wha-what? I…"

"I think it's pretty obvious. Why are you in my room? Also, why would you even _want_ to go through my things?" Suguru's face was a mask of deadly calm- it was so perfect that even his eyes, which were usually very expressive, remained totally blank. It was as if he was completely apathetic about the whole situation, which unnerved Shuichi even more. He had at least expected yelling, or… something. Not this quiet questioning.

"I'm, ah, ano…" he grappled to find words to form an excuse as Suguru continued to stare down at him, much like a teacher waiting for an answer from a day-dreaming student would.

"Did you read all of it?" came the soft query after a few minutes of silence.

"Wha?"

"Did you read all of it, Shuichi? Every word?"

Shuichi only stared uncomprehendingly back into the deadened eyes before him. Of course he had. But it was an odd question, given the circumstances, he thought. Why…

_He's… something's wrong. Something must have happened while he was out…_

"Um, yeah, I… kinda did…" he ducked his head. "Sorry… but, I was worried…"

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why are you worried? There is nothing to be concerned about."

"Yeah there is! Suguru, I, well, just look at this!" Shuichi took out the letter that Ryuichi had dropped off earlier and thrust it towards Suguru, who blinked and took it. He scanned the letter very quickly, then folded it up and handed it back. Shuichi stared at him and waited for a reaction… anything. He waited, and waited, and waited…

And stared, taking Suguru in…

His slightly disheveled appearance, the untidiness of his hair, the dark circles under his eyes, the jeans that had been worn enough times already that they needed to be washed two days ago, the blossoming bruise on his neck…

Wait.

"Sugu-"

"I was actually waiting for Tohma to pull something like this. He knows he can't win if he threatens to break up Bad Luck or attacking either of us personally, so he's getting the government involved. Tacky, but effective."

"Suguru…"

"What? I gave you my opinion on the matter at hand. I don't think there's anything we can do for the time being."

Shuichi stood up and walked over to him until they were scantly inches apart. "It's not that," he whispered. "Though I'm pissed as hell that Tohma would do this. I'm worried, about you…"

"Like I said, there's nothing for you to be concerned about as far as I go. I'm okay." Suguru shifted slightly and made as if to leave, but Shuichi wouldn't let him go. Instead, he put a hand on both of Suguru's shoulders and pinned him where he was.

"Shuichi…" said Suguru pleadingly into the mass of pink that was his friend's hair.

"No. I have to tell you something. And I have questions too." He pressed closer and whispered in Suguru's ear: "I know you don't like Tohma, or your parents, and you wouldn't really tell me why. From what I read, they weren't as kind as they should have been. But tell me, Suguru- why do you really hate them?"

"I… I can't answer that."

"Please. I need to know so I can help you."

"I can't answer that!" cried Suguru as he slid down the doorpost and curled up at Shuichi's feet. "I can't… I can't explain it… you wouldn't understand…"

Shuichi knelt down to face him eye-to-eye. "Just because I'm not nearly as smart as you are doesn't mean I'm oblivious to life. I've been through some tough times too. Just tell me, Suguru. I only want to help you."

"I can't!"

_This is really bad. He's gone from being totally apathetic to an emotional mess! What the hell went wrong? Who fucked him up like this!_

"You said you trusted me…" Shuichi wrapped his arms around Suguru, who was starting to shake violently. He tried to soothe the boy and calm him down, but nothing worked. Suguru could only stutter and shake uncontrollably as Shuichi held him close.

_There's so much more to this than he wrote. We know so little about him…_

---

"Sacho, there's a Yuki Eiri-san here to see you."

"Ah, send him in. Thanks." A muffled giggle of delight was heard before the intercom was disconnected. Tohma smiled as he thought of the glee his secretary must be experiencing… she was a huge fan of Eiri's novels.

"Tohma."

The sound of his name being growled out by that deep voice put a smile on his face as he turned around to face his visitor. Just inside the doorway stood Eiri Yuki, cigarette in his mouth and shades that were pushed up into his hairline, giving him a tousled look. Tohma couldn't think of a sexier being alive as Yuki shrugged off his coat and revealed himself to be wearing a form-fitting black shirt with black jeans.

And this god was his…

"Well? What do you want, Tohma? I've got another chapter due today, so make it quick."

"Oh Eiri, you're so ill-tempered," he giggled behind a gloved hand. "Don't worry- I'm just updating you on what progress has been made."

"Then why bring me here in the middle of the day instead of calling?"

"Because I have something for you as well. It's nothing dangerous, really, but I'd rather give it to you in-person. So…"

Tohma reached down to one of the drawers in his desk and rummaged around in it until he found what he was looking for. Yuki was suitably unimpressed when a small brown box was procured and placed triumphantly on the desk in front of him.

"What the hell is that?"

"I'll explain in a minute. But first, the update."

"You know, you're really creepy when you smile like that."

"Hee. That's a compliment coming from you, Eiri."

"... Anyway…"

"Right. Since Ryuichi wanted to visit Shindou-san today, I had him drop off a letter as well. I expect both he and my dear cousin have read it by now. I'm actually expecting an upset phone-call at any time."

"What was this letter?"

"Basically, I contacted the Tokyo Police and got Ryokai-san to write a warning notice to Shindou-san and Fujisaki. They have until the end of the month to return my cousin to the family before the police come and arrest him."

"Ah, I see. Thanks. But why so direct? It's not your style. It's going to cause a shitload of controversy once the media gets wind of it."

"Eiri, don't you trust me at all? You know I can silence the media whenever I want. You get Shindou-san back, I get my cousin, and no one will ever know."

Yuki smirked and shook his head. "I trust you. But I'm just amazed that you'd go through so much effort to get your cousin back where you want him. He's just seventeen- what danger does he pose to you? He'll never be better than you. You've secured yourself as both a genius player and the head of a profitable company. There's hardly anyone that could wield as much power as you in all of Japan."

"You're right, but… this isn't about the masses of Japan. I'm talking about strictly within the family this time." Tohma's features clouded over temporarily, then immediately brightened again. "But why be concerned with that? You'll get Shindou and I'll get Fujisaki within three weeks at the most!"

"Hell of a long time to wait…"

"I know you, Eiri- you've been using the absence of Shindou-san to get yourself laid by the prettiest girls in Japan," said Tohma slyly.

"Hn. Yeah. But it's not the same. He's… different."

"I suppose not… I wonder if Shindou-san and Fujisaki have screwed each other yet?"

Yuki's cigarette dropped to the fine carpet. His face flushed and he looked Tohma directly in the eye, his own flashing with deep anger.

"Don't _ever_ joke about that. Ever again."

"Sorry! My bad!" Tohma said rather quickly. "I'm just curious because we all know for a fact that Shindou-san is bi. I think Fujisaki's one of those closeted gays with a thousand mental disorders. With Shindou-san's knack for getting people to open up and dragging up half-forgotten memories, I think it'd only be a matter of time."

"Well, considering what we did to that kid, I'd be more surprised if he _didn't_ have any problems. But it doesn't really matter, does it? It's been five years. By now he's either forgotten completely or is secretly planning to kill himself. If that's the case then he really sucks at committing suicide"

"Hmm… you're right…" Both men stood in contemplating silence. Had it really only been five years? It seemed like a lifetime ago.

"Hn. What's in that box?" grunted Eiri, startling Tohma out of thought.

"Oh, that's just a little something I got for you. I thought you'd like it. Go ahead- open it!"

For once, Tohma's smile was completely genuine as Yuki glanced at him suspiciously before reaching for the box and opening it.

"… Thanks."

"Do you think you can use it? K-san recommended it, but if-"

"No. This is perfect," he whispered as the late-afternoon sun caught on the gleaming metal. He fondly stroked the pistol as Tohma watched, the sincere smile slipping into a more sinister one.

"Bang bang?"

"Yeah. Next time I'll do more than bruise his neck…"

"Just remember that I'll need him to be in the custody of his parents before you do that. If this is going to work, it has to be given time…"

"I know, and that's why your plans suck. They take years to finish."

---

Shuichi was at a complete loss. How did one go about comforting someone who was almost a complete unknown? He had tried using the same tactics he had used with Yuki- saying clichéd phrases of encouragement, promises of always being by his side, even going so far as to awkwardly confess to liking him a little more than just friends, but nothing worked. Suguru remained curled up and refused to say a single word. It was as if, to Shuichi, he was trying to hide from someone.

"Goddamn it, Suguru! How can I make you feel better if you won't even tell me to shut up and go away! Just… tell me! You can't start getting over whatever happened to you unless you talk about it!"

"I… I… ca-"

"No! You can, but you won't let yourself, Suguru." Shuichi, who was by this time sitting next to his friend, put an arm around his quivering shoulders and pulled him in tight. "I can't say I understand why it's so tough for you to say, but please…"

Suguru sniffed and half-raised his head.

"You said you trusted me. I'm not whining or anything, but well… I just want to be sure it's true. And I honestly, really truly want to help you so we can bring Tohma down."

"I… can't…"

Shuichi was just about to open his mouth to refute the statement once again, but a soft hand was placed over it. He looked over in mild shock as his eyes met Suguru's own watery ones.

"Can't… stop you, can I…?"

_WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON._

Suguru's hand moved to the back of Shuichi's head and pushed their faces closer together…

_He's…_

Shuichi closed his eyes.

_I can't believe…_

He moved his arms to loosely clasp them around Suguru's neck, heart thumping in excitement and nervousness.

_This is a wish speaking… what dream have I fallen into?_

"Aishiteru, Suguru," he whispered.

_I love you._

He thought his heart would burst as their lips met. It was only a chaste kiss, but the electricity in it would have floored him if he had been standing. The tears Suguru had been shedding earlier had left a wet, salty taste on his lips, making it seem as though Shuichi was kissing the troubled sea right before the storm.

"I trust you, Shuichi," murmured Suguru after they slowly broke apart seconds later. "I trust you more than anyone."

Shuichi didn't say anything with words. He merely shifted his position and put his hand to Suguru's head, resting the smaller boy's head on his shoulder. To be honest, Shuichi was very confused. He had had no idea Suguru felt that way about him at all. But he wasn't about to dispute the fact either… if Suguru said that he trusted him, Shuichi would believe him.

"… I was twelve. I was twelve when I found out who I really was," said Suguru suddenly. Shuichi started but remained silent. He had the feeling that it wasn't time for him to speak just yet.

"But I didn't fully understand anything about it –or even remember most of it- until last month. It was… it was harsh." He lapsed into silence for a few minutes, gathering his thoughts and courage before continuing.

"For the earliest part of my life, I lived with my parents in a two-room apartment in the outskirts of Tokyo. It was run-down, dirty, vermin-infested, and very cramped. Just the three of us- my mom, dad, and myself lived there. We all slept in the same room and ate in the other. I think I remember my mom doing something that resembled cleaning once or twice a month, but I'm not sure. I never really paid attention to it. But the rest of my family, especially my mom's side… they didn't want to have anything to do with us. My dad was estranged from his side because he married my mom against their wishes and my mom was, well… she was a whore. My dad worked odd jobs to pay for the rent and food. The earliest memory I have is of my dad yelling at her for not being careful one night and nearly getting pregnant. She didn't, but he beat her any way. I always tried to hide once he came home because he was usually in a bad mood and would hit me too, though he was strangely careful not to leave any obvious marks. My mom never did anything to stop him… she never did anything for or against my welfare. Neither did my dad, unless he smacked me around a bit. I think the only reason I went to school at all was because of Tohma…"

Again he drifted off into thought for a few moments. Shuichi didn't move, but rather took the time to absorb this information. He thought Suguru had forgotten his past! But this… there was no way he could be lying, not about this.

"I lived with them in that house for four years. During the day, mom was with me. At night, it was my dad. I was very rarely alone. I was also never let outside for any reason. Nor was I permitted to answer the door or talk to strangers. … It only seems strange in retrospect, since I knew next to nothing about the outside world at that point. The only places I was allowed to be were home and school, which Tohma took me to and from each day.

"At first he'd stop by and pick me up to take the train to school. We'd walk in silence the entire time, him smiling about something –usually Yuki-san, who would usually join us if he woke up early enough- and I was naturally quiet. I think the only times I ever spoke were when I was asked a question by a teacher. … At any rate, I later learned that it was because Tohma felt bad for me in a way that I was getting an education. Soon enough I proved to be more than competent in every area despite being withdrawn, and was put into accelerated courses. Because of this, my parents were strangely detached from me and rarely said anything at all to me- it was just as well since I had a fragile attention span. If the slightest thing made a noise, I'd lose it completely. So it didn't wholly bother me that I was ignored worse than ever. Yurushi took up most of their time anyway."

"… Who's Yurushi, Suguru?" asked Shuichi tentatively.

He couldn't help but flinch as Suguru's breath hissed out in pain. He hugged him tighter than ever as he continued:

"My mom and dad had a legitimate child four years after I was born. After that, I was nearly forgotten about as they bent over backwards for him. They named him Yurushi, and my dad begged Tohma to somehow get him into school once he was old enough, no matter what- even if I had to be pulled out so as to not put a strain on the finances of the family. Yurushi was given the best of everything that we had at home- food, bed, you name it. I was instantly jealous of him and the love that he received of course, but Tohma smiled again and started to teach me how to use a synthesizer to keep me too busy from thinking about it much. So between the lessons and school, there wasn't a lot of time for me to reflect on my situation. I eventually convinced myself in the back of my mind that I wasn't jealous and that I had everything I needed, so I might as well accept things the way they were and immerse myself in the life that my cousin was handing to me day-by-day. It seemed perfectly natural. Live a prescribed life, have no worries…

"But then Tohma's fame and success with Nittle Grasper grew to unexpected proportions. There was also the incident with Yuki-san in New York that took up a lot of his attention. Soon enough Tohma decided that if he wanted to be as successful and focused as possible, he'd have to cut off any lingering, weighty ties to anything that was slowing him down. He's a very calculating person…" Suguru sighed. "First he quit school, against the wishes of the family. When they tried to force him back, he just smiled again and left his mother to live with Yuki. The two of them stayed in an apartment for a while as Yuki tried to adjust to a normal life as a writer and Tohma hit it big with Sakuma-san and Noriko-san. He and Yuki-san would still walk with me to school every now and then when they had the time, though it was more of a courtesy gesture than anything else. Tohma would be chatting away to Yuki-san, who would occasionally grunt or have a sarcastic remark, but nothing more. I myself never had anything to say. Eventually, Tohma let go of me too and stopped teaching me what he could on the synth, never giving a warning of any kind… he simply stopped showing up one day, and the next, and the following day. I eventually stopped hoping that he would and retreated to the hand-me-down he had given to me for my seventh birthday and would play it every chance I could, pretending he was still there with me. Pretending that someone… someone still gave a damn about me. My parents' love and attention never had belonged to me, now Tohma and Yuki-san were gone. I had no friends at school… there was nowhere to go and no one to go to. It ended up that even the teachers stopped calling on me for whatever reason and I didn't speak for several years.

In that time, I began to think and reflect about my place in the world, what it meant for me to be alive, and, most importantly: why I was neglected in favor of my younger brother. I had often heard complaints at school from kids whose parents had had second children as well and how they felt slighted, which assuaged my fears and doubts about being forgotten in Yurushi's wake for a time, but the more I thought about it, the more I realised that their situations and mine were not equal. Their parents still willingly sent them to school. Their parents still greeted them at the end of a day, and listened to their stories. Their parents helped them with homework when it got too confusing. Mine never did any of those… I went to school because Tohma had taken pity on me. I came home and was lucky to escape unnoticed, or suffer a small beating if I wasn't able to hide fast enough, and I don't even think Tohma cared about what kind of day I had had. As far as homework went, I was on my own all the time.

"However, what enlightened me the most was when a group of girls were complaining loudly how they hated it when adults compared them to their parents. Somewhere inside me, a deep, resonating fear came to the surface and haunted me for the rest of the day. I knew I didn't look much like either of my parents, but had never given it much thought before. The only resemblance that tied me to them was the fact that I had inherited my mom's facial shape. I had automatically assumed in the back of my mind that everything else was either from my dad or a blend of their genes- maybe my dad looked different when he was younger. But no matter how hard I tried to reassure myself that I was in fact a mix of their traits, I realised something that I had missed before. Yurushi looked a lot different from me as well, young as he was. His hair was brown and straight, whereas mine was black and tended to stand off my head. My eyes were hazel; his were brown, and a different shape from mine. Even his nose looked slightly off from my own. It unnerved me! Why did my little brother look more like my parents at eight of age than I did at twelve? There had to be something wrong…

"I figured it out not too much later on. It was a highly unusual series of events, and probably unlikely to happen ever again if I were put into the same situation… someone had stopped by to visit us one day, and as usual they were in the cleaner of the two rooms (the bed-/living room), and I was stuck in the filthy kitchen with Yurushi. I had to keep him from dashing about and climbing all over the trash bags from last month that had yet to be disposed of, or else they would have opened up and spilled out all over the already unsanitary floor. While I was holding him as best I could, the visitor came into the kitchen and looked down on the two of us together, the most chilling smile on his face that I had ever seen in my life. It was somehow vaguely familiar, yet I couldn't place it. The stranger's voice was soft, almost melodic and angelic as he spoke.

'Give him here,' he said. I shook my head and gripped him tighter. I didn't trust that young man.

'Suguru, it's okay- I'm your cousin. Seguchi Tohma.'

"So Tohma had returned from his fame to grace us with his presence again? I had the sudden urge to run up and attack him- hurt him in any way possible. He had left me alone to be ignored and forgotten by the rest of the world while creating his own life and fame.

"… Being loved by countless people simply for doing something he enjoyed…

"All I did, though, was bow my head and release Yurushi. He knelt down to confront my little brother and examined him from head-to-toe. When Yurushi began to squirm with discomfort and voice his boredom, Tohma smiled and let him go, saying:

'He's definitely legitimate; he looks like a perfect blend of you two! There's no doubt in my mind now. If you can just work on getting a more suitable job, both of you, then there's hope that you'll be accepted back into the family yet!' He then said his good-byes, saying something about having to meet Yuki-san for some downtime at a café before going on-tour. But before he left, he made sure to say one more thing:

'You do realise you'll have to get rid of the first one. But be discreet about it.' And then he left, and I didn't see him for another few months. During that time, I was unable to sort through the newfound emotions raging within me as Yurushi continued to be doted upon as I was confined to a solitary corner from which I was supposed to watch the world. I was bound by the invisible and unspoken dictations of my parents to remain in the background as my little brother began to shine much brighter in their eyes than I had ever even_ hoped_ to…

"I was also troubled by Tohma's remark about 'getting rid of the first one'. I could only assume that to be me. But why would they want to… dispose of me? I knew I looked different, and I knew there was a strange emptiness in our relationship, but surely, somehow, they still loved me…? No matter how different I looked, I was still their own flesh and blood, right?"

"Of course!" cried Shuichi suddenly. "Somehow, somewhere- all parents love their children. Even my mom and dad still care about me though they disow-" he stopped short and clamped a hand over his mouth, realising that he was probably kidding himself- the only blood-relation that still talked to him at all was his sister, Maiko.

Suguru didn't seem to mind Shuichi's outburst; he instead grinned wryly and shook his head slightly.

"It was the worst lie I could have ever believed in."

"What!"

"Shuichi… what I have to say, I can't ask you to believe. Let me finish as far as I can, and if you find yourself disbelieving…" Suguru's shimmering eyes closed as he smiled faintly, a crystalline tear falling down his pale cheek.

"… simply walk away from here. Don't turn back. … I don't need 'goodbyes'".

Shuichi merely nodded.

"I overheard my parents arguing one night, very late. It might have been early morning by that point. I think they assumed that Yurushi and I were already asleep, or they just didn't care if we overheard or not, since they didn't bother to keep quiet.

My mom was suggesting that she and my dad 'off the little fucker' so that the family would be pleased, but my dad disagreed for the time being. The conversation went like this, with my mom continually calling for the demise of someone…

'Haruka, we can't just kill him without a plan- we'd be easy to find. We should plan this out so nothing goes amiss.'

'But Muhiji, the sooner we get it done, the sooner we can move up in this world. Both of us are tired of our jobs, and it'd be so easy to just off him now- he's asleep, not to mention harmless. His gym teachers always mention how hard he tries to keep up with all the other boys, but just doesn't have the stamina or the strength. If it gets messy, we can always ask Tohma-'

'Tohma-kun has already done more than enough for us.' He sighed. 'I suppose we could always do a quick snap to his neck and ask Yuki-kun to dump the body somewhere farther up north…

'That's perfect. Brilliant, in fact. And now that I think about it, Muhiji… I'd like to toy with him just for a little bit. Not long. You can if you'd like as well.'

'What do you have in mind?'

'Just a few mind games, like hot and cold.'

'In that case, I suppose I could vent… elsewhere…'

"They were silent for a time after that, and I was trying to process what I was eavesdropping on as fast as I could. My parents were planning the imminent murder of someone they knew, probably within the family, since they would gain some status by eliminating them. And they'd ask Yuki-san to get rid of the evidence to hide their tracks… why would they go through the effort to get someone from outside the family involved? Was it really that important? Was this even _real_?

"Of course it was… there was a last bit of information that locked everything in place.

"'Haruka, dear… are you absolutely sure you don't mind killing him? Once it's done, that's it- he's dead forever.'

'Don't assume me to be stupid simply because I'm a whore… of course I don't mind. I've been waiting for a chance for years. It's also a mistake that I'm not going to repeat once we get out of this hell-hole.'

'Looking back on it, though, it might not have been so bad- it got Tohma to acknowledge us, and look where we are now- poised to be something more, at long last.'

'It still doesn't seem worth it in some respects though. Sometimes I wonder why we even bothered naming him.'

'It would have looked odd if we hadn't. But I do agree that if worse had come to worse, he could've gone nameless for however long we decided to keep him alive before just growing tired and throwing him away, regardless of what the law would have done.'

'Hmm. I just hope that Suguru finds out that he's a sick, dirty little bastard child before he dies. I'll bet he's been wondering for quite a while why his little brother is so much better than he is…'

"I could only quake in fear under my blanket on the floor as my parents ceased to talk and finally drifted off into sleep. I wish I could have done the same, but the shock and terror I was flooded with kept my senses on the alert for any movement that would suggest they would try and behead me then and there… I was never the same around them, as hard as I tried to act as I normally did. I knew that if they suspected even only _slightly_ that I somehow knew of their eventual plans, they wouldn't even bother to screw with my mind before killing me.

"I think, however, the most frightening thing of all was the revelation that answered all the questions I had about myself and my parents: I was ignored, occasionally abused, and unloved because I was an accident. I was an unwanted side effect, a painful reminder of my mother's job. Even more than that, I was illegal and a liability to my parents. If I was out of the picture, then they could raise my little brother in a semblance peace and look and act like the normal family should, with help from the relatives to get them started… Tohma even encouraged this; he was the one who planted the idea. Tohma, the person who had given me some hope for my plight, was likely to be my angel to carry me into Hell. I couldn't even turn to Yuki-san as a last resort because he only cared about himself, and my parents were planning to get him involved anyway. I was trapped and literally waiting for the torture to begin. Once it did, I would be able to tell when the end was coming…

"It started about a week and a half later, after I got home f-from school. My mot-ther greeted me at t-the door…" Suguru's voice became shaky and uneven all of a sudden as he tried to go on. This was the beginning of the end of his narration, the description of his ordeals. But it was also the most difficult for him to recite. Shuichi remained silent as he waited for Suguru to be self-controlled enough to move on.

"She… she hugged me, s-said she l-loved me. Didn't know what to think, only 'this must be part of the plan'. I was so c-confused… when I hugged her back, she screamed at me and… she sl-slapped me across the face, then pretended to get all concerned, then walked away without a-another word. I kn-knew she was trying to psych me out, I knew it, but… at the same time… I almost knew what it was… to have someone say 'hello' to you at the end of the day…

"Then my dad came home, and. h-he roughed me up. A-a lot. It went on like th-that for a few weeks, I think, until… they s-started to r-really put into action what they had talked ab-bout that night…

Suguru sharply turned his head away as a cold sweat broke out over his trembling body. _This_ was the part that he had blocked out… the part that he couldn't even begin to describe…

"Keep going, Suguru. You're almost there…" Shuichi had no idea if this twisted tale was actually near its close or not. But if this was the hardest part, then he could feel justified in taking a wild guess…

He waited for what seemed like hours for Suguru to speak again, holding him close against his body. The doorframe that they had been leaning against was starting to grow uncomfortable, and so was the hardwood floor, but Shuichi didn't dare move. Eventually Suguru calmed down enough that he stopped shaking and instead curled up against Shuichi, but didn't say anything else.

… _I thought Yuki had problems. I don't know if I can honestly help… I just don't know enough. I think the only thing I can do at this point is to wait until Suguru can finish the… story? It feels like I'm caught up in a really bad daytime drama right now… I just wish I could turn it off, and be happier… let Suguru be happier too…_

The golden-red sun that was filtered through the Venetian blinds turned the room a rosy hue, adding long shadows and dark bars on the wall. To Shuichi, the change in colours made the drab little room seem to take on a different life, a more vibrant and secret one than during the day. His imagination wandered as the sun set and the colours grew deeper and darker, remembering the first night Yuki had taken him… it had been just after the sun had set, in the darkness of his apartment, right there on the living room floor. Thinking back on it, Shuichi couldn't help but admit that out of the hundreds of ways he could have lost his virginity, that was probably one of the lamest… having it with someone who would eventually toy with him didn't help. … He wanted to stop time and go back and warn himself against forcing his way into Yuki's life. Yeah, he might not be quite the celebrity he was now, but wouldn't that be a welcome change? Not as many cameras, maybe a little more leisure time…

_But then again, I might not have met Suguru…_

That thought startled him. With all the drama that had been going on, wouldn't it make more sense to _regret_ befriending the little synth player? He was certainly kicking himself over his affair with Yuki, wasn't he? All he could feel towards the boy curled against him right now, however, was empathy. True and unyielding empathy. It was so different from when Yuki had had his breakdowns. Then, Shuichi had been concerned, worried, anxious, and liable to spaz, but this… this was so alien, he could only sit and hold the now-sleeping Suguru against him. From the deepest wells in his heart, he loved and wanted to protect him from harm. He'd sacrifice himself to do it. Without a doubt, Shuichi would do everything and anything to erase his pain and lift him back to where he could be free of that horrendous chain of a past that was dragging him down. He didn't need favors of any kind to bribe him into doing that, as he might have asked from Yuki. Shuichi only required the well-being of his koi in return…

_Koi… I… I never used it to describe Yuki, did I? Just maybe when thinking to myself… but never to anyone else, and it was almost a conscious effort on my part if I did… but it just kinda popped in there right now… what is this I feel, really? It's not the same kind of love I had for Yuki. I think, I think…!_

Shuichi trembled as the full realization hit him: his love for Suguru was _emotional_. There was no doubt some sexuality was involved as well, but for the most part, he loved Suguru to the extent that he'd be proactive and try to prevent him from suffering pain, instead of waiting for it to happen and then helping as much as he could. With Yuki it had been almost the exact opposite: sexual with some emotional on the side. No, this was so much different… Shuichi could hardly believe that they were the same thing. So what did that mean, in terms of his and Suguru's relationship…?

"I guess… I guess I don't care either way, do I? I never do," whispered Shuichi to the now dusky room, a wry grimace on his face. "I'll just keep loving him… this time, I feel like I could take on the entire Tokyo Police Force and fight them all to the bitter end, all in the name of protecting him, my koi… It doesn't matter if he feels the same about me, if he's only got a crush or isn't in his right mind… anything he does, anything he says, anything he thinks… they're all fine with me. I just don't care…" Shuichi turned and lightly kissed the top of Suguru's head and inhaled his scent: pine with just a hint of something more. He still didn't think anything else could smell as sweet as that…

"I feel like I could live forever, you and I transcending time, and I'd still like to spend my life this way…" he breathed.

It was truly night now, but Shuichi didn't want to risk waking Suguru up by moving him. He felt almost like an older brother seeing Suguru clutching his shirt in his sleep and tear marks on his face. But he couldn't ignore his own need to sleep…

"Mou, all this stuff can wait. I can't think straight if I don't sleep. But I don't wanna leave him alone either, so… what to do, what to do?"

The thought of leaving Suguru alone was almost unbearable, not after what he had heard. (Shuichi was of the opinion that if it was possible, he'd never be more than three feet away from him at any given point until the end of time.) Yet he refrained from simply half-dragging his friend to the futon mattress that was all of a yard away and collapsing into it with him because he didn't think Suguru would appreciate it much. After a long stretch of thinking, he decided to put Suguru to bed as carefully as he could, and then bring in his own mattress to sleep on. That way they'd be close, but not unnecessarily uncomfortable.

As gently and carefully as he could, Shuichi untangled himself from Suguru and took hold of his wrists and dragged him the short distance to the bed, then rolled him onto it and tucked him in, being extremely conscientious not to disturb him otherwise. After he was satisfied that Suguru was reasonably comfortable and wouldn't wake up, Shuichi slid out of the room and quickly wrestled with his own mattress until he managed to get it out into the hallway and into Suguru's bedroom with only a bruised knuckle from where he had smacked his hand on the doorpost of his room.

The bruise on his hand reminded him of the one Suguru was sporting on his neck. Where had it come from? Though it didn't look too bad, he was still concerned… but it was just another small addition to his ever-growing list of worries.

----------------------

A/N: Not much to say, only that I spent forever on this chapter, so I hope it's better than anything before it.

I think hazel eyes would look very nice on Suguru, don't you? And the thing where Suguru says he had black hair? In this story, he dyes it green.

Oh, and thanks to everyone who's stayed with this from the beginning, and anyone else who's been reading it, really… As always, reviews are more than welcome- love or hate.

Chapter Nine- Thinning Atmosphere is up next. I do believe I see land through the mist…


	9. Thinning Atmosphere

Disclaimer: I still don't own Gravitation, nor am I making money off of this. (I'm SO broke.)

_I think you know the drill with this kind of text by now._

_/Text/ _is internal thought during dreams.

I've been having some formatting errors thanks to where double punctuation isn't showing up- I hope I've fixed that with this reposting, but I'm not sure. If something seems off with punctuation, please let me know. In trying to make writer's lives easier, just made this one's harder...

---Chapter Nine- Thinning Atmosphere---

_Shuichi's hair fell up as he walked along the stairs, strangely uncaring that he was upside down and if he fell, there was little doubt that he'd crack his skull open and die. There was absolutely nothing securing him to the… stone? stairs he was climbing, though whether he was going up, down, or sideways, Shuichi had no idea. He was very calm about his entire situation, actually. For what seemed like forever he had been wandering around in this Escher-like landscape of impossible stairs and optical illusions. Not a single one fazed him._

_There was an awful lot on his mind, after all._

_Shuichi had accepted the fact that his footfalls made no sound, he had no voice at all, and the air was perpetually stale in this strange landscape from the start. It had been so obvious and so _right_ from the very beginning that he had never questioned it. As he mindlessly switched from one set of stairs to another, his thoughts had only been occupied by one thing and one thing only: pocky. Before that it had been full of Suguru and how he was going to face him tomorrow, then when that became unbearable, it switched to how much he hated Yuki and Tohma, then he got too angry and upset and thought about work, but that stressed him out… with Suguru being in school all last week and not at the studio, Shuichi had gotten next to nothing done- thereby putting his life in considerable danger. So now he was thinking about the one thing that consistently made him happy- food._

"_Mou", he mouthed, lacking a voice to speak with, "I'm _starving_! So… hungry…" He doubled over and held his stomach as a sudden pain racked through his entire slender frame. "H-hungry…!" The pain grew worse and he fell on the steps, quickly deciding that he was not enjoying the calm serenity of this silent, confusing place any longer. As he began to roll back and forth, Shuichi noiselessly moaned and curled up into the fetal position. He began to long for something- anything- to help him kill the incapacitating pain that was making his eyes prickle with tears._

"_I-I, I don't like th-this anymore!" he screamed, his words finally echoing off the thousands of staircases all around him. He was so surprised that he over-rolled and fell off his particular set. Shuichi cringed and tried to hold himself as he fell, dreading every second that he would inevitably end up crashing into the ground below and splitting open his skull._

_However, he only fell faster and faster into a sudden and profound darkness._

_Shuichi tilted his head a little bit and tried to look around, but he could only see himself, strangely illuminated, as he began to fall at a less intense rate. His pink hair refused to move and remained still. Shuichi was confused- if he was falling, wouldn't it make more sense for his hair to be flying everywhere, and why the hell was he being flipped upright! He wanted to go back to the first part were all he was concerned with was sneaking pocky into his home without K or Reiji noticing…_

"_Sh-ich-!" suddenly called a disembodied voice from all directions, the owner shrouded in the darkness._

_/What? Is someone else here/ Shuichi's eyes opened wide and tried to scan his environment, but only saw the total blackness of the void._

" _-ichi! Shui-! Sh-i-i!" _

_He looked around frantically for the broken voice that was trying to call his name. "What? Who's there?" he asked the darkness, mentally kicking himself for sounding like a dumbass. _

"_Shu-chi!" The voice only continued to call his name disjointedly, panic and loneliness evident in it; it sounded familiar to him somehow, though for the life of him, Shuichi couldn't place who it would belong to._

"_WHO THE HELL ARE YOU!" he screamed. The voice didn't respond. Instead, it drifted farther and farther away, fading out and leaving Shuichi with a sense of failure. It seemed that he was supposed to do more than think of his own predicament…_

_/The voice… it sounded so sad… who was that? I know I've heard them before, just… where…/_

_Shuichi closed his eyes and relaxed completely as his descent picked up again, until he was completely free falling into the bottomless dark._

_---_

"_Wake up…"_

"_Nngh…? Mou, wha…?" He groggily scrubbed his eyes and opened them slowly, blinking as they adjusted to the soft light from above. Where was he now?_

"_Get up, brat."_

_Shuichi twitched involuntarily as he obeyed, flinching again as he placed the command with the person._

_Standing before him was Eiri Yuki._

"_Shuichi-kun."_

_He whirled around to see Suguru standing behind him, holding himself as he tried to remain standing; his body was broken and his clothes badly torn to show grievous wounds underneath. Suguru's breaths came out in ragged gasps, as though his next one might be his last. The hazel eyes that were normally so full of life and emotion now stared at the floor as windows that would allow anyone to peer into his naked and deadened soul. _

"_Sug-"_

"_Shut up, baka. Look at me." Yuki's cold voice cut through his mind like a knife as his body couldn't resist the double command. Shuichi's mouth clamped firmly shut and he swiftly- albeit unwillingly- turned his back to Suguru again._

"_You've got to chose between us now. I'm tired of hanging around, waiting for you to come to your senses. Either you'll stay with me, or you'll go with… him." He casually inclined his head to Suguru, who was now struggling to remain upright while on one knee. It was almost like a sardonic display of fealty. "Personally, I think I'm the better choice. I don't have any more secrets from you, my past is already dealt with, and I can provide for you much better than some high school kid can. Look at him- he can't even stand up."_

"_Shut up," he whispered with immense effort as he gazed fearfully into the golden eyes of his former lover._

"_Suguru-kun's almost completely unknown to you or any of us. He's never been fully honest with you, Hiro-kun, or even Tohma, much less anyone else. His entire life is a complete _lie_. Do you really want to get caught up in his past? It's bound to bring you down and bind you to him so you'll both drown under the pressure that he can't cope with!" Yuki sneered and shoved his hands into the pockets of his large black overcoat. "I know what he did, if he can't tell you. It honestly makes me look like a saint."_

"_Shut up!"_

"_And what about next year? Regardless of what either of you want, Suguru's going to college at the wishes of his family. You'll need to find a new synth player then… and a new pet."_

"_SHUT UP YOU FUCKING BASTARD!"_

_Yuki looked slightly taken aback for a few seconds before his usual cocky expression was firmly back on his face. He looked cruelly amused as Shuichi went on to say:_

"_Bad Luck will remain together, **forever**! I don't give a damn what Tohma wants us to do- we're staying as we are! He could drop us from the label and everything and it'd still be okay because XMR and Reiji would still be willing to take us, and there's nothing Tohma can do about that. Besides, I don't care what you say about him- Suguru's my friend. I like him more than that, and I think he does too! So just leave us alone!" _

_Shuichi turned around on his heels and walked over to Suguru. He sat him down and let him relax against his body, much like he had done in Hiro's apartment. Once he was sure Suguru wasn't going to die on him then and there, Shuichi angrily glared at Yuki and continued._

"_You know I don't have any problems helping out the ones I love with their pasts- just look at what I did to you. Even though I regret it a little… okay, a lot… you're still whole again. It's not a good kind of way to be, but you've filled up all the little gaps that Kitazawa left behind by drinking and indulging in other areas of life… like fucking whores." Yuki flinched at this but Shuichi kept going on as if he hadn't noticed. "But Suguru really needs help… not to belittle what you went through, but somehow I get the feeling that his is a lot worse. And…" Shuichi looked down, softly breathing into Suguru's hair. The boy had gone unconscious in his arms… though it worried him that Suguru hadn't said anything at all to him beyond his name, Shuichi wasn't going to panic. He knew that things would be okay soon enough. "I know he's not going to abandon me once he's healed. He needs me to be that stopper in his heart, or maybe the stuff that's going to pull it all back together- I don't know exactly what yet. But, Yuki, he won't be like you and throw me away once he's okay again." _

_Yuki growled softly- dangerously- but didn't deny it._

_Suguru stirred slightly in his arms. Shuichi was about to let him go since he seemed to be regaining consciousness already, but Suguru stopped moving once he was repositioned. The top of his head was leaning against Shuichi's collarbone, the rest of him curled up in his lap. One of his hands clutched at Shuichi's shirt._

"_Touching," sneered Yuki. "I'll be seeing you later, then."_

_Shuichi looked up as Yuki turned around and faded slowly out of sight as he stalked away. Shuichi didn't say anything- just stared. Part of him wanted to chase him, beg for forgiveness, try to return things to the way that they had been, but it was very small now. So very small._

_Shuichi himself began to fade out of his surroundings until his eyes flashed open again-_

To stare down at a rifle aimed point-blank at his face.

"Shindou-kun! Good morning!"

His eyes traveled upwards slightly to find himself staring at the smiling face of Reiji.

She pushed the muzzle of her rifle firmly against his forehead and grinned even wider, if that was possible.

"Do you know what time it is, Shindou-kun?"

"Uh… morning?"

"Close… but," the safety lock clicked. "Not quite close enough."

Shuichi was just about to guess early afternoon when there was an eruption from the kitchen:

"K-SAN, I'M ALLERGIC TO EGGS! I WILL NOT SACRIFICE MY LIFE TO ADHERE TO YOUR DIETING REGIMEN!" Maniacal laughter was the only reply.

"Uhh… Reiji-san, what's going on…?" He was just a tad confused right now…

"Oh, nothing much. You and Fujisaki-kun are only five hours late for work."

---

Fifteen minutes and more than a few gunshot wounds later, Suguru and Shuichi were unceremoniously hauled into NG Studios like criminals. There were real handcuffs around their wrists, gags in their mouths, and the two of them blushed furiously with humiliation as they were paraded around the entire building at gunpoint in their pajamas- in this case, the clothes they had worn the day before. Many of the staff who saw them stopped what they were doing to stare, then silently thanked whatever spirit was listening that they didn't have to work for the two crazy Americans.

When Hiro saw them, he did a double take before hiding his amused snicker behind a polite hand. Shuichi and Suguru simply glowered at him and waited for the handcuffs and gags to be removed as K and Reiji gave the staff their daily instructions.

"Well, ah, good afternoon guys…" said Hiro. His voice cracked a little with suppressed laughter as his band mates shot him identical Glares of Death. "I take it you two had a late night?" The corners of his mouth twitched madly in a supreme effort not to smile, but failed as first Shuichi started to cry in anger and made as if to strangle him, then as Suguru's eyes narrowed dangerously and he growled through his bright pink gag that sported yellow and purple creatures of varying cuteness.

"Oh come on, I'm just ki-"

"FUJISAKI-KUN! SHINDOU-KUN! FRONT AND CENTER!" Screamed Reiji suddenly. Startled, her charges (victims) hastened to obey, trembling slightly as she and K stood in front of them, each pointing one very dangerous-looking gun at an extremely fearful musician.

"I'm ashamed of you, Fujisaki-kun! It's so unlike you to be late! It must be the influence of _this _one," said K as the safety clicked off, gun still pointed at an invisible target in the middle of Shuichi's forehead. "Clearly, an intervention must take place!"

_Intervention! WHAT THE HELL!_ Suguru screamed to himself as he tried not to remember that right now, he probably looked like a wreck, had been paraded around his cousin's company like a criminal –Tohma wouldn't ever let him live that one down- and he was likely to lose his life because of a one-time screw up…

"And though we have grown accustomed to your habitual lateness, Shindou-kun," chirped Rage cheerfully, though her eyes glinted with a random light that they could only assume to mean that she was angry," it's still inexcusable to be five hours late. If you can't be somewhere close to fashionably late, then yes- there must be an intervention!" Suguru gulped as the sound of the safety trigger being released echoed slightly in the recording studio, wondering, again, _why_ he had said "yes" when Tohma had offered him a chance to perform live…

Being a man of action, Shuichi decided to save their hides. He suddenly slammed into Suguru from the side. Bullets whizzed over his and Suguru's heads as the shots from their managers just barely missed their marks, earning enraged shouts from the wielders of the weapons and a frightened noise from Hiro as he dodged the bullets that were now aimed at him. Shuichi smiled in successful defiance and wiggled around, very pleased with himself. Suguru's prone form stiffened underneath of him as the sensation of a writhing Shuichi that was on top of and therefore _extremely close to him_ registered in his muddled head.

"That's it," said K, obviously enraged at being cheated out of his kill, "BRING IN THE NINJAS!" he screamed as he reached towards the ceiling as if calling a divine power.

_WHAT THE FUCK! _

Suddenly, a multitude ninjas broke through the ceiling. All was chaos with K and Reiji reigning supreme as they laughed like the maniacs that they were, watching the madness unfold with frightening glee.

---

"Ugh! That was the recording session from hell!" whined Shuichi as he collapsed at a table in the cafeteria of NGR Recording Studio. "I nearly died at least fifteen times!"

"You're not the only one," sighed Suguru as he sat down next to him. Indeed, the lives of Bad Luck had been in considerable jeopardy for the past four hours, even after the ninjas had been called off. But all three of them proved that they could perform at peak levels even under great pressure.

"But look at the bright side- we finally finished Warped Frame! Now it's just the song that you wrote, Shu, and we should be all set for the final mix-down and getting ready for the tour!"

"How can you be so fucking happy Hiro!" exclaimed Shuichi, tears of hurt and anger coursing down his face as he grabbed the front of his best friend's shirt from over the table. "I don't care if we've finished, we nearly got our _heads_ blown off more times than I can count by those nut jobs we call managers!"

"I don't think that's saying much, Shuichi, considering your excellent marks at school."

"HIRO! STOP BEING SO MEAN! YOU KNOW I CAN COUNT AS HIGH AS YOU CAN!" Heads turned as Shuichi continued to scream at the top of his lungs.

"Shu, come on now, you know I was joking… calm down…" Hiro gingerly patted Shuichi's shoulder. "You're not dumb, I know, I was just teasing you!" He shot a desperate "help me!" glance to Suguru, who was staring fixedly at some distant point on the high glass ceiling above them. Suguru's eyes only flicked from Shuichi's drama queen antics and back to their original position, offering no help at all.

Hiro inwardly sighed and kept saying whatever came to his head first, trying to get Shuichi to at least lower his volume level so that he didn't pose an immediate danger to their hearing. He felt safe in the assumption that most of the people in here couldn't afford to be deaf.

"H-Hiro, you're so cru-cruel…" Shuichi sniffed after another two minutes of intense crying and yelling.

"Uh, whatever… okay." Hiro relaxed back into his seat with a relieved sigh as Shuichi settled back in to his as well. Hiro then noticed that they were almost completely alone- Shuichi's temper-tantrum had scared off everyone else but the staff that was required to stay.

"Hey, where'd everybody go?"

"Dumbass, you scared them off!" Hiro reached across the table and playfully bopped his friend on the side of the head.

"Nu-uh! … Did I really?" Shuichi asked curiously. "That's odd- I thought they had all gotten used to stuff like that by now."

"You'd think!" said Hiro with a bright smile. "But that was pretty intense, Shu."

A comfortable silence stretched between the three of them as they all took out their lunches – the parts that had passed inspection by Reiji and K- and began to eat. They weren't worried about time at all, since both of their managers would be gone for quite a while.

When asked why he had suddenly decided to come back and manage Bad Luck again, K had said that he and Judy had had a falling out and decided that they needed some time apart. After about a month, if things didn't improve, they would file for divorce. K, in the meantime, had gotten custody of their son Michael and had brought him with him to Japan, where he was enrolled in an International school/daycare. K felt that he'd be abandoning his duties as a father if he didn't check up on Michael at least once a day and used his lunch break to accomplish that task. Meanwhile, Judy called Reiji every day at the same time- she was very upset and missed her son very much. She was extremely bitter that because her profession called her away for very long stretches of time compared to K's, he had gotten custody of Michael and taken him to Japan while she was still stuck in the States. The phone conversations could last for hours on end sometimes- it all depended on what kind of day Judy was having and what her mood was like. The members of Bad Luck had no complaints about this arraignment at all since it gave them a normal lunch period instead of the five- to ten minute breaks they had grown used to over the past two years.

"Ne, guys, how was your weekend? Anything exciting happen?" asked Hiro after Shuichi had wolfed down his entire lunch and began scrounging around for seconds. Shuichi paused as he leant over at an interesting position to search underneath the table for any scraps. He then sat up slowly, a nervous smile on his face as beads of sweat began to form on his forehead. Hiro and Suguru looked slightly disturbed as their friend laughed loudly… and wouldn't stop.

"Um, Shu…?"

"Ah, thanks for asking Hiro- our weekend was fine," Suguru said suddenly, smiling pleasantly. Shuichi shut his mouth and looked intensely at him- clearly, he was planning to freak out in some manner. Before he could, however, Suguru gripped his hand from under the table and continued; "Not much happened, really. How did yours go? Is Ayaka-chan doing well?" Shuichi winced as Suguru's iron grip tightened, telling him to keep his mouth closed- or else.

"Huh…?" Hiro looked bemusedly between Suguru, who was still smiling in a way that was eerily reminiscent of Tohma, and Shuichi, who looked like he was on the verge of an emotional explosion. He shook his head slightly and decided that the weirdness must be normal; he had just been too wrapped up in his own life to notice it much. "Well, actually… ah, things aren't going too well. You see…" he sighed and ran a nervous hand through his long brown hair. "Ayaka's tired of waiting, and… well, she's planning to call the whole thing off."

"WHAT!" the other two yelled simultaneously.

"I can understand. I mean, it's been over a year since we first pitched the idea, and frankly, we haven't gotten anywhere. Besides, I…" Hiro couldn't hide his furious blush as both Suguru and Shuichi leaned in from the other side of the table in anticipation. "I think I might have fallen in love with someone else."

If Shuichi's emotional outburst had scared away everyone but the staff, then the combined noise of Suguru and Shuichi's indignation on their friend's behalf would have cleared the entire building.

Hiro grinned fixedly at the two as they carried on and on about how Ayaka was a real bitch – did he know that!- and OH MY GOD WHO DID HE LIKE NOW! Truthfully, he knew that if he divulged all at this point in time, things would be incredibly awkward and not likely to end well… so he kept smiling as Shuichi began to shake him by the shoulders and Suguru sat back down and let his anger simmer as he savagely attacked his salad.

_This would be so amusing if I wasn't involved._

"You are two minutes late. Punishment will commence in thirty seconds if asses are not removed from cafeteria," interjected a deep and cruelly amused voice from behind Hiro.

Bad Luck packed their remaining food and hurried back to their studio with frightening speed.

---

Not for the first time, Suguru wondered how Shuichi managed to function on a daily basis. He knew that even though Shuichi wasn't quite as dumb as he let on, the guy was only about five steps away from being classified as mentally retarded. Or damaged- perhaps both-, but Suguru figured that if the rest of the world loved the baka and their records sold as fast as they had been since they burst on to the music scene two years ago, then it wasn't something for him to be overly-concerned with.

At least, that was what he told himself.

Suguru had watched the subtle changes in Shuichi's personality from the time he had ran into him at NG Records to now. He wasn't quite as hyperactive or incessantly happy, and his energy levels had dropped considerably, though he didn't outwardly show it. Suguru knew that when Shuichi had been living with Yuki, the boy had been through hell and back several times over with the novelist- whether he had been on the receiving end of anger or it had been his own. It had manifested itself with cuts and scrapes, bruises under his clothes, sometimes an unkempt appearance or the occasional day where nothing was accomplished because of his emotional craziness. And while everyone else seemed to accept this as a normal Shuichi, Suguru knew it was more than natural ditzyness on his part. The slightly haunted and hurt look in Shuichi's eyes that never really went away was similar to his when he caught his reflection in a mirror. Shuichi had suffered, and was suffering, but didn't want anyone to know. Both of them were, in some respects, two sides of the same coin.

Then they had come to live together through a bizarre series of circumstances, and Suguru had found that Shuichi's personality was full of self-contradictions and an extreme willingness to avoid reality by diving headfirst into things that would fully absorb his attention- video games, music, and especially people. Shuichi loved people. But at the same time, he had a deep fear of being left alone and abused as he had been with Yuki, and tended to mistrust anyone that he didn't know well. And even then, he'd stay with someone who hurt him because he was afraid of letting go and having no one to depend on; Shuichi was also a very emotionally dependent person- it showed in almost every song he wrote. So, Suguru surmised, underneath the fluffy and simple exterior, Shuichi was in actuality a very complex and searching person.

Shuichi, like Suguru, was always looking for someone who wouldn't ever let him down.

He thought that last night's drama was enough to prove that theory. Suguru had revealed as much of his past as he could at one time, and Shuichi had only held on to him and supported him- never doubting, never outwardly questioning its validity. In all the two years they had known each other and become friends, they had been building a connection that was deeper than they knew… it was what allowed Suguru to trust Shuichi with his terrible history, and what allowed Shuichi to believe it. He remembered that they had clung to each other like they were lost at sea in a maelstrom- a sea of angst and a storm of emotional uncertainty. Suguru himself had gradually succumbed and fell asleep in Shuichi's arms. He vaguely remembered surfacing briefly in the night, afraid that he was back in his parents' house. He began to panic, but then saw Shuichi's unconscious form beside him, looking ethereal and innocently child-like in the light of the early dawn filtering through the blinds. Knowing that he was with a person he could trust and depend on had calmed him down immediately and let him return to more pleasant dreams, until K and Reiji had infiltrated their home and dragged them to work.

Shuichi, for his part, had been showing a strength that Suguru never would have expected from him. Yuki had called nearly every day- each time leaving Shuichi in a puddle of tears, but also more resolved than ever to stay away from him. Shuichi told him that he was tired of being used like "some old doll"- he needed someone who needed him as well. Clearly, now that Yuki was past the Kitazawa incident and most of his own self-doubts, he didn't need Shuichi anymore. Yuki had always snorted sarcastically, made some witty and sharp parting remark, then hung up on him. Suguru had only ever listened in on these conversations and never said one thing or another about them- it was Shuichi's fight, not his, though he'd try and be there as much as he could. He admitted to himself that he had been depending more on Shuichi than the other way around, but he hoped it would even out soon enough. He hated to feel as though he was indebted to someone.

Suguru mulled all of this over as K and Reiji were screaming at everyone for some reason. He had learned to tune them out early-on, since these fits of rage were never addressed to him in particular. It was either one of the techs or Shuichi that received the brunt of anger in these circumstances.

That was another thing, he realised- for all he got yelled at in the studio, and for all his life had been in considerable jeopardy for mistakes and lateness, Shuichi kept coming back to create music. Suguru wasn't so sure that he'd be able to handle being an emotional punching bag in addition to writing songs, school, and his own personal problems. Shuichi seemed to handle it with ease, though he did cry a lot.

_Well, that's one of our main differences,_ he thought. _ I have a lot more stress in my life than he does. I'm glad my work ethic and position as a support member prevents me from being screamed at… I'm not sure how I'd handle it. It reminds me of… them…_

"RYU-KUN!" shreiked Shuichi suddenly, bringing Suguru's thoughts to a screeching halt. "SHU-CHAN!" came the enthusiastic reply as everyone in the studio turned to watch the most famous idiot savants in Japan glomp each other at the door. Suguru noticed with mild shock that Ryuichi was dressed as a giant version of Kumogoro, with the bunny himself perched precariously on his owner's head. His sparkling blue eyes were alight with glee as he and Shuichi began to babble excitedly about something in a language only they could understand as soon as they broke apart, still gripping each other's arms.

"Well, um, that was unexpected," said Hiro from his right. Suguru looked over to see him still holding his guitar, ready to strike a chord. Apparently, they had been just about ready to start playing something… well, then it was a welcome surprise that Ryuichi had shown up when he did, or else Suguru would have likely found himself staring down the barrel of yet another gun for not paying attention.

"So Shu-chan, how's the song going? Do you have lyrics yet? I've got an idea for a melody, if you wanna hear it!"

_Song lyrics? _ Suguru listened in, since it appeared that the two were now speaking an identifiable language.

"Um…" Shuichi visibly sweat-dropped and laughed nervously. "Well, no…"

"That's okay! It might be better if you listened to the melody first anyway, so that the words match the music!" chirped Ryuichi brightly. Shuichi sighed in relief and agreed happily. "Okay, so, hmm… ah…" Ryuichi began looking around the studio for something, inspecting every corner thoroughly. Suguru couldn't help but think of a giant pink rabbit looking for some carrots as he watched, also marveling at the way that Kumogoro managed to stay on his owner's bobbing head. "Here! Suguru-kun!"

He twitched in surprise as some manuscript paper was shoved under his nose. "Can you play it, please? I forgot that I couldn't play the keyboard!" grinned Ryuichi as he rubbed the back of his head in an embarrassed and apologetic gesture. "Please?"

"Uh, sure," he said, dubiously looking over the sloppily hand-written score. "But it looks like someone else will need to play with me- I can't cover both parts on my own, at least not right away. I can at least play the basic melody, but knowing you, the background is just as important as everything else…" Suguru sighed as Ryuichi nodded in agreement, a somber look on his face. Curse him for being a genius songwriter.

"Ne, Suguru… I can play the other part," said Shuichi shyly, suddenly on his left. "I used to write, sing, _and _play all of our songs before NG signed us on. Though I'm probably a little rusty since it's been a while…"

Duh! He knew that! Suguru wanted to smack himself for forgetting that he was only there because Sakano had wanted Shuichi to focus exclusively on his voice training; he was basically there so that could happen. And because Noriko had gone back to Nittle Grasper, leaving the position open. Tohma had wanted Bad Luck's image to be young but exceptionally talented, so he put his prodigy cousin in there to fill the gap…

_Bastard cousin, more like…_

"Suguru, you okay?"

"Ah? Yeah. Sorry, let's set up the spare keyboard and see what this sounds like. I'll take the first part and you take the second, okay, Shuichi?" There was no reason to have anyone worry now… if Shuichi had questions about his behavior, then he would hopefully wait until they were home again. "Reiji-san, K-san, do you mind if-" Suguru looked up and realised that both of their managers were nowhere to be found. "Where did they go?"

"They needed to punish some of the tech guys for slacking off. Apparently, instead of making an equipment list, they decided to practice their 'German Suplexes' on each other. So, K-san put me in charge until one or both of them got back," explained Hiro, who was by now sitting down and re-tuning his guitar in the far corner.

"Okay… well, let's see if we can't get this done before they get back," said Suguru as he finished setting up the spare keyboard next to his own. Shuichi procured another stand and they both settled in behind the instruments. Shuichi immediately turned his on and began to run through some scales and fragments of tunes, trying to remember how it all worked.

… _He's not bad. Not as good as me, but he could have been close if he had been able to stick with it and hone his talent. In exchange for him teaching me how to sing, perhaps I could show him some tricks on the keyboard. _Suguru winced with everyone else in the room when Shuichi hit a blatantly wrong note. _But we'd first have to re-pollish his old skills._

"Okay, Ryu-kun! Count off for us!" said Shuichi when he felt as ready as he'd ever be.

"Okay! Na-no-da!"

There was a pause, then Suguru realised that that was Ryuichi's way of counting him in. He played the first few bars a bit hesitantly until Shuichi came in underneath of him, then he let the music take over and the melody soared, their two separate parts twining in and around each other- neither one being dominant over the other, but rather sharing the spotlight and helping each other to form the entire song. Suguru's breath was taken away as he realised how intricate the song was- the melody itself was a happy if somewhat wistful tune- but it took two distinctly different parts to make it as such. It wouldn't have held up if just one person had tried to play it.

Suguru and Shuichi played it until the end with only a few minor mistakes, sighing when they finished the song. It was only about five minutes long, but while they had been playing it, it had seemed to last for hours.

"Eee! Isn't it great, Shu-chan! Nori-chan helped me write it!"

"Yeah… wait, what?" asked Shuichi. "Noriko-san helped you with it?"

"Yup! Kumogoro and I got stuck sometimes, so she helped us out when our brains hurt too much. I know Tohma doesn't give her much credit, but she's an amazing person! She's helped me with some songs before, only we didn't tell Tohma because I'm supposed to write them all by myself, na no da." Ryuichi looked at the floor and chewed guiltily on one of Kumogoro's ears. "But I can't be sparkly all the time. So, Nori-chan will help me and Kumogoro when we need it. She doesn't even mind that she doesn't get any credit, though some day I'm gonna tell Tohma. Maybe when he isn't so stressed and mean."

"Oh. Well, okay." Shuichi couldn't help but look and sound a little lost- the great Ryuichi Sakuma had help with some of his songs? His genius was limited? Shuichi needed something to shock him out of his stupor… where were K's ninjas?

"Hmm… Sakuma-san, are you done with the manuscript? It might be easier for Shuichi to write the lyrics if the music that they'll be placed to is on-hand." Suguru glanced worriedly at Shuichi as the baka stared blankly at his former idol. He had known about Noriko helping Ryuichi out with the songs- it had been in the music itself: a slightly different sound and feel that he had somehow instinctively known to belong to the often-overlooked second keyboardist of Nittle Grasper. Apparently, though, he was the only one who had noticed.

"Sure, Su-kun! And call me Ryuichi! Ry-u-i-chi!"

"I'll call you by your first name if you don't ever call me that again," he grumbled to himself as he gathered up the sheets of music. But Ryuichi wasn't paying attention to him anyway- he just remembered that he was supposed to have been back in Nittle Grasper's recording studio ten minutes ago. They had some new songs for the tour too, na no da. Ryuichi said his hasty good-byes and practically ran out the door in anticipation of receiving a lecture from Noriko for being late again. Seconds later, Reiji and K whirled in to find another keyboard set up for no reason, Hiro sitting in the corner and looking dead to the world, and Suguru and Shuichi staring somewhat dumbfounded at where Ryuichi used to be.

"YOU THREE ARE ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE! I SHOULD BE HEARING MUSIC, SEEING YOUR WORTHLESS ASSES PLAYING, BUT INSTEAD I SEE YOU LOOKING SO GLAZED OVER THAT ANYONE COULD COME IN HERE AND ASSUME ALL THREE OF YOU HAD BEEN JACKING EACH OTHER OFF! WE HAVE A TOUR IN ABOUT TWO MONTHS AND ONLY ONE NEW SONG DONE! WE'RE SO BEHIND NITTLE GRASPER THAT WE'RE GOING TO LOOK LIKE A **JOKE **UP THERE NEXT TO THEM-" Reiji's angry and long-winded rant stretched on for several minutes as her frightened charges kicked into high gear and got themselves ready to begin recording the other song that Shuichi had written. Meanwhile, K was sporting a most evil grin and idly rubbing his thumb along the muzzle of his pistol, deciding which member would have the bad luck to taste bullets just before dinnertime. It was a shame, really, since it was four o'clock on a very nice evening, and still early enough that many of the good restaurants wouldn't be crowded… well, maybe… just maybe…

The world stopped for a moment as K put a hand on Reiji's shoulder and smiled wider. "You know, they finished one song today, and I have to pick Michael up. Let them go and get something to eat- we'll grill them tomorrow."

Silence.

"WHAT THE FUCK! WHAT DRUGS ARE YOU ON!" the other four screamed all at once. It had to be OCC day. It just had to be- they must have missed the notice somehow!

"Go now before I change my mind," he growled dangerously, pointing his pistol at Shuichi's head. Reiji simply huffed and stomped out of the room to dismiss the "worthless, incompetent staff" that she had been cursed with. Bad Luck packed their instruments up in almost record speed and were rushing out the door when K threw his arm out and choked Shuichi just as he was about to bound out the door to freedom.

"Aww, K…!"

"Shut up. If I let you do this, all three of you must promise me two things," he said, glaring down at them imperiously. They gulped and nodded their heads. "One, don't expect such treats ever again. I'm feeling nice today- but if I hear any complaints tomorrow, not only will I regret this decision, I'll make your lives a living hell. Two, if I hear from anyone else that I let you go early, I'll flay you so hard you won't be able to move for another month. Don't tell anyone."

"Yes, K-san," replied Hiro, appearing mostly unfazed as he bowed slightly. "We will arrive on-time tomorrow without complaint, nor will we speak of this to anyone else. Thank you very much."

Satisfied, K lifted his arm and Shuichi squealed with glee as he ran out to the hallway with his arms held out like wings, making plane noises. Suguru and Hiro shook their heads and followed him out, saying good-bye to their manager. Suguru caught Hiro lightly stroking K's hand as he passed in the corner of his eye but didn't say anything.

---

"Wheeokaywherearewegoing!"

"Calm down Shu, you're going to damage something if you keep jumping around like that!"

"Shuichi, please control yourself…" Suguru just barely dodged a Shuichi Missile as the baka bounded off of one wall to another in the somewhat crowded train station. He had been unable to contain his excitement since they had stepped out of NGR and agreed to go and get a meal as a band, something they hadn't done in a very long time.

"ButohmygodI'msohappywowthisisgreatandheyWATCHOUT!" he screamed, a little too late as he collided heavily with Suguru from behind, knocking him over- and consequently into other people.

"OOF!" The air rushed out of him as Suguru was toppled into the people in front of him and then to the ground. Shuichi, still on top of his back, started to apologise very loudly to everyone around them as Hiro politely took responsibility for his friend's crazy behavior. Suguru remained facedown and tried not to freak out.

"I'M SORRY! I, SHUICHI SHINDOU, APOLOGISE TO THE WORLD!"

And with that dramatic statement, all hell broke loose in the train station.

---

"Shuichi, rule number one of being a star- never, ever, EVER say who you are in public, even if you're wearing a disguise. The only exception is if it's a concert or promotional tour."

"Sowwy, Hiro."

"Well, now that we're out of that mess, where to?"

"What do you mean, 'out of that mess'? We're still in it, Suguru."

"No, we're not. Our stop's right here," he said coolly as the train they were on glided to a standstill and opened its doors to let the multitude of people it was carrying off. Suguru was the first one to set foot on the floor of the station and the first one to reach the outside world above the subway.

"Wow, Suguru, you _really _don't like crowds, do you?" asked Shuichi when they were all caught up. "How do you survive! There's crowds everywhere we go!"

"If you haven't noticed, I don't exactly get out much. But I do my best when the occasion arises," he said, tilting his head back and sighing as he looked at the sky. It was a very nice day- not too warm, a little breezy, and virtually no clouds. He felt perfectly comfortable in his lightweight long-sleeved black shirt and jeans, though Shuichi might be a bit on the chilly side since he was wearing a tight purple vest with a pink shirt on underneath and feminine shorts and sandals. Hiro claimed to be fine in his usual t-shirt and jeans. In fact, it was thanks to Hiro that they had been able to go home and change at all- he hadn't minded stopping by their place before going out.

"Okay, guys, without drawing attention to ourselves, where do we want to go?" Hiro smiled as Shuichi self-consciously adjusted his had so as to better cover his conspicuous pink hair. He wasn't really angry with his friend, just messing a little bit.

"Um… I dunno. Suguru, is there anywhere you want to go?" asked Shuichi.

"I don't particularly care. I don't know of very many places."

"Mou, okay… oh! Hiro, let's take him _there_."

"Shuichi, are you sure? I mean, it's… well, yeah," flustered Hiro. Was Shuichi crazy?

"Of course I'm sure! C'mon," he said, grabbing a confused Suguru by the hand and leading them on into the heart of Tokyo, babbling about how wonderful their destination was.

The small _click_ing sound of a camera was lost amid the noise of the city.

* * *

A/N: Filler chapter, sorry… this chapter was harder to write than the one before it… I'm really sorry it took so long to update… I was out of my mind for a little while. Still out in orbit a little bit, but closer to "home" at this point. Again, my apologies. I hope it's good enough to make up for the lack of anything new in that long stretch.

Did anyone get the reference? "German Suplex" was the name of Shuichi's move in the OVA where he picked up K, Sakano, and our very own Suguru and slammed their heads into the ground by bending over backwards. –hugs Lyrics of Love and its soundtrack- I got the last copy that Suncoast had… I'm so happy… and the soundtrack is actually a pirated copy from Hong Kong. ; I got it with three others from the anime off of e-Bay, and being the silly, naïve person I am, thought that they would be legitimate copies… whatever, it works. They all do. :3

I feel kind of stupid for having a really long Author's Note at the end most times, but gosh, I just have so much to say. Sorry? ..;

Special note/thanks:

This fic is officially over 100 pages now. Sweetness.

I've gotten more reviews than I ever hoped for- thanks so much guys. In excess of 2,700 hits as well. Truly, I feel loved when I see stats like that… it might not be much in other fandoms, but I think for my first serious and long-running fic, it's an amazing start.

Next up is Chapter Ten- Warped Frame.


	10. Warped Frame

Disclaimer: Yadda yadda yadda I don't own Gravitation nor am I profiting from this- not a single cent.

**Special Warning:** I changed the rating from T to M for a reason! The middle and end of this chapter are exceptionally dark and sexual. I advise you NOT to read this if you're underage or not allowed to, whether by law or parental/guardian rule. I'm sorry, but I finally found the ending I want, and I have to have the chapter this way if it's going to make sense.

---Chapter Ten- Warped Frame---

"Okay! We're here!"

"No. Fucking. Way."

"But but but-!"

"NO!" Several heads turned to stare at the sudden outburst, but quickly went on their way without a second thought.

"Su-kuuun, puh-LEASE?"

"I said NO! And don't call me that!"

"I told you this was a bad idea, Shuichi."

"Hiro you dick, shut up!" Hiro was hit with a Kumogoro plushie for his insubordination. "But pwease, Su-kun?"

"HOW MANY TIMES MUST I TELL YOU NOT TO CALL ME THAT BEFORE IT GETS THROUGH YOUR THICK SKULL! AND WHY THE HELL ARE WE LIKE THIS?"

"Ah, that's… I guess that's a good question," admitted Shuichi as he smoothed out his short skirt self-consciously. "But I like the nickname! It's cute!"

"Shuichi, let's just go inside…" Hiro took the initiative and grabbed his two friends by the wrists and dragged them into the building across the street, trying to ignore both their squabbling and the attention that was being drawn their way; not only was the noise likely to turn heads, but Shuichi's insistence on how they had to show up at this place was… well, he hoped no one could tell who they were, or the covers of every pop culture magazine in Japan would have some VERY interesting pictures to attract readers.

Once inside, Hiro released Shuichi and searched his wallet for the passes they needed to get past the guards. Shuichi immediately found a mirror to adjust his make-up and hair, then dragged a very stiff Suguru away from Hiro to fix his as well. Hiro heard the baka chattering on and on like an excited schoolgirl as he touched up Suguru's face. He assumed that the only reason Suguru wasn't displaying any sort of emotion was due to the fact that he had been so completely stunned that all he could do was sport a blank stare.

He wasn't too far off in that assumption.

"Ne, Su-kun, it's okay- close your left eye, that's it, thanks! - I go here all the time! Well, not ALL the time, but you know what I mean. Ooh, you picked just the right colours to complement your outfit, I'm impressed! This is your first time, isn't it? Don't worry, everyone's really nice here. Now be careful to not smudge your eye shadow…"

_I can't believe this is happening to me…_

"Shu-kun! We're in!" called Hiro just as he was about to step through the double doors and descend the dark stars in front of him. The sounds of a raver party that was well under-way reached their ears as Shuichi enthusiastically squeed and hauled the still frozen Suguru behind him into the depths.

---

_I should be freaking out like I did as soon as I realised where we were going and why Shuichi had had to make that "special stop", but… actually being IN here just… shut everything down… it's amusing how I can still think like this, given the current situation… _Suguru watched dazedly as the dance floor was illuminated in erratic bursts of light from the strobe light and laser beams overhead. An undulating sea of people danced, raved, and jumped up and down hysterically in front of them to the loud sounds of heavy dance and electronica bursting through the giant speakers that seemed to engulf the entire opposite wall; the DJ, just barely visible above the crowd, had aviator-like headphones pressed to his ears and bobbed in time to the music. He occasionally swiped his exotic neon green and electric blue striped bangs out of his face when they obstructed his view of the mixer on the table before him. Everything in the place was splattered with bright day-glo paint as though a tribe of kindergarteners had run wild in there with an infinite rainbow of intense colours at their disposal. It was impossible to tell what the walls, floor, ceiling, heck, _anything_ had been originally before the crazy paint-job.

"Well, Su-chan, what do you think?" asked Shuichi from his right. He fit in perfectly with the theme- a bright splash of colour in an otherwise dark room. Shuichi had decided to dress as a "school girl gone wrong" (Hiro's terminology). He was wearing a pleated, short blue skirt that threatened to show more skin that necessary whenever he bounced up and down in excitement, a sexy mockery of a traditional uniform shirt that clung to his torso like a second skin (the plunging neckline and various rips and tears also showed more than Suguru would have liked to see); bright pink leather knee-high boots with many buckles and straps replaced the usual shoes and socks.

"Shuichi, just give him a few minutes. He's probably still getting over the fact that a place like this exists." Hiro, on Suguru's left, was dressed more reasonably in tight black pants, an over-large belt, and a grey mesh shirt with a small black jacket over top. He had caved in to Shuichi's demands, however, and dyed his hair a deep shade of blue and even allowed the baka to add shocks of purple highlights. He didn't mind much since it would was out with a few showers and a lot of shampoo and conditioner.

"Nah, everyone who's somebody knows about clubs! He's just gotta adjust to the noise and stuff first. But damn Su-kun, you REALLY clean up nice!" Suguru, protesting all the while, had somehow found himself dressed as… he didn't know what. Shuichi and Hiro had taken a fiendish delight in making him try all sorts of things on once Shuichi had determined their eventual destination. They had gone clothes shopping and exchanged their street wear for what they were currently sporting. In addition to making Suguru dye his hair black, which wasn't so bad, Shuichi had sent Hiro off with a list of things to bring back from the shelves and racks in the store while applying his "expert fashion eye" to what Suguru would look good in. After about two hours of deliberation, complaints, and some small angry outbursts, they had ended up with the final product: Suguru was wearing low-riding black short-shorts, a black sleeveless top that stopped just above his navel and was uncomfortably tight (from the perspective of someone who never wore a single form-fitting article of clothing beyond socks in his entire life), a matching set of gloves with- what Suguru perceived them as- unnecessarily large straps and the fingers cut off. Around his neck was a black choker with a large gold bell that actually jingled whenever he moved; the attached tail had two in addition to a pink bow as well. His boots were the same exact style as Shuichi's only, yes, black. The cat-ears on his head blended in with Shuichi's dye-job so that the actual headband was unnoticeable, making them look very realistic. To top it all off, Shuichi had added some pink and yellow highlights to his new hair colour; Suguru had only calmed down slightly when Hiro assured him that the dye would wash out relatively easily.

"Um. Let's find a table and get something to eat, then we can sort everything out." Hiro looked uncertainly at Suguru. He had enjoyed dressing him up in all sorts of things with Shuichi, but he was starting to wonder if this wasn't going to permanently scar him. He supposed all they could do now was wait it out- Shuichi was hell-bent on staying. Hiro didn't mind going to places like this every now and then, but he knew that Suguru was the very definition of a recluse and would most likely want to be /anywhere/ but here. What had possessed Shuichi to do something like this? Surely even he had picked up on Suguru's reluctance to even go out on stage because of crowds by now.

"Okay. Hiro, you and Su-chan stay here and I'll be back with drinks real soon. Don't start dancing without me though!" They had found a free table that was mercifully removed from the worst of the noise and chaos and immediately claimed it as their own. Suguru simply sat down and continued to stare ahead at nothing in particular. Hiro, concerned, reached out to touch him on the shoulder, but thought the better of it when he saw how badly the boy was shaking.

_Shuichi made a HUGE mistake bringing him here. I guess I did too, so I shouldn't blame it all on him, but god! He looks like he's on the verge of collapse. And though I agree with the baka that he can look drop-dead sexy when he or someone else makes the effort, if we even get him out on the dance floor, other people will notice too. He's too good-looking to escape most people's notice._ Hiro's brows furrowed with that. He personally had no interest in Suguru, and Shuichi was possessive enough to take down anyone who tried to make moves on him, but out in that sea of people, it would be impossible to stay together for more than thirty seconds. He knew that from experience.

---

_I hope I didn't make a big mistake…_ thought Shuichi as he leaned against the bar, idly tapping his foot to the beat of the music that overwhelmed every other noise as he waited for his and the other two's food to arrive. He had had to write his order out, not wanting to destroy his voice by shouting over it, but his handwriting was so bad that it took the collaboration of almost everyone else around him to figure it out for the bartender. Of course he had had to deflect some requests for "repayment" from a few of the people involved, but he was used to that. He visited this club- Perushana- quite frequently and knew how to handle everything from advances to fights with ease. Hiro knew the ropes fairly well too, having come with him on more than one occasion. But Suguru… he was another matter altogether. The poor kid wasn't even of legal age to be here, which must be weighing heavily on his mind in addition to the stress of simply being around so many people in such a loud place. The icing on the cake would be the outrageous outfit that he, Shuichi, had picked out and forced him to wear. However, Shuichi wasn't about to regret his decision. There was a lot of significance behind it.

"Thanks!" he mouthed as the somewhat large order was suddenly placed in front of him. The bartender, a rather young and handsome young man, simply nodded in acceptance and moved on to take the order of a brooding man with shockingly blonde hair and sharp golden eyes a few seats down.

---

Shuichi found Hiro staring at the crowd of people in a bored fashion and Suguru shaking like there was an earthquake underneath him when he waltzed back up to their table, showing off his exceptional balancing skills by managing to keep a massive plate on his head, three drinks in one hand and a smaller plate in the other, and not spill so much as a drop or a fry.

"Oh, hey Shu," said Hiro once a plate was unceremoniously placed in front of him.

"Humph! You didn't even notice me and my awesome skills! Some friend YOU are." Out of the thick of things, the music wasn't quite as loud, so Shuichi could talk without fear of damaging his voice too badly to record tomorrow.

"You know it's all love between us," Hiro replied cheerfully. "And I did see you out there balancing all that stuff- you've gotten good at it."

"Wearry? Shangks!" said Shuichi through a mouthful of food. He swallowed then nudged a small plate in front of Suguru. "Go ahead and eat, Su-kun. I promise it's good! No eggs or meat or whatever either," he smiled. Suguru turned his head a little to look at him wide-eyed and briefly nod his thanks, but didn't move otherwise.

Hiro watched with some mild amusement as Shuichi took it upon himself to feed Suguru after he wolfed down his own gigantic portion. He sipped on his coke as Shuichi first tried to coax Suguru into calming down, then taking his fork and attempted to treat him like a stubborn toddler, and then gave up and forcibly pried the boy's jaw open and shoved a few French fries into his mouth. Hiro wondered at the wisdom of this move as Shuichi happily went about forcing him to chew and swallow over and over again, not noticing that Suguru's expression was finally beginning to change from deer-in-the-headlights to indignant rage.

Shuichi's violet eyes widened in surprise as Suguru suddenly gripped his arm and glared at him. Hiro saw this as a great opportunity to get a refill for his drink and left them there, alone. He grinned softly to himself as he imagined what would happen next- Shuichi would begin to whimper in protest, and then Suguru would fly into a rage, leaving the baka in tears. It wasn't unlike how Yuki would have reacted.

_I just hope he doesn't turn INTO Yuki. Besides being just flat-out wrong, it would damage Shuichi beyond repair. But I think the chances of that are pretty low, since he hasn't shown any signs of actually doing that. They just have some similar reactions to certain things._ Hiro gave his order to the bartender and closed his eyes, smiling as a remix of The Rage Beat came on. Shuichi would be ecstatic to hear it- he was the one who had named it "Zoom Mix", after all. It might distract Suguru from killing Shuichi too- the two of them had worked long and hard on that one together.

As he turned around to return to their table, a familiar face caught his eye. He nearly dropped his drink as the cold, murderous eyes of Eiri Yuki fell upon him. Hiro turned tail and fought his way through the throngs of people as fast as possible- he had to warn Shuichi. Never mind having fun any more; he could feel that all of their lives were in danger at that very moment.

His heart sank as he reached the now-empty table. It was with mild shock that he picked up the note that Shuichi had left him:

"_Su-chan and I are on the dance floor. We'll be back soon."_

---

Shuichi couldn't believe his extraordinary luck. Here he was with the guy he loved in one of his favourite places in the entire world, dancing to the music blasting through the speakers. Yuki had never gone with him to Perushana, and it was unlikely that he would have left the bar even if he had anyway. But Suguru, seeing that Shuichi would only create a huge fuss, had caved in against his better senses and agreed to at least try it out. Shuichi also suspected that the little synth player was reluctant to hurt his feelings too, which made him warm inside. He wished he could just scoop him up and hug Suguru to bits right there on the dance floor, but he was having way too much fun gyrating and stomping to the beat to stop.

Suguru, on the other hand, was standing stiffly in front of Shuichi and trying not to panic. The press of people and noise were overwhelming him, causing him to break out in sweat that wasn't just from the heat of other bodies in an enclosed space. Several times, he had had to resist every urge in his body that told him to bolt out of the building and run as far away as possible. The only thing that kept him from doing that was the possibility of upsetting Shuichi… it was the only reason he was doing any of this at all. Suguru didn't want to make Shuichi cry.

He shuddered as someone bumped into him, seriously challenging his resolve to stay. The sudden tap on his shoulder almost made him lose it completely until he saw whom it was; Shuichi had somehow found his way behind him and was now staring at him with a serious intensity.

/Do you trust me/ he mouthed. Bemused, Suguru nodded yes.

/Then just dance/ Shuichi mouthed again with a smile, gently gripping him at the shoulders as he leaned in. Suguru could only guess at what Shuichi was saying after that as warm breath ghosted over his skin, sending shivers racing through his entire body. His nervous system then went on overdrive as Shuichi kissed him passionately, pressing their bodies together so that their heated skin flared against the other's at the contact. Suddenly, Suguru's fears and self-consciousness melted away- it was only himself and Shuichi that mattered. Just the two of them.

Suguru was released after only a few seconds, but that was enough for his disposition to swing to the opposite end. He began to let go and dance, awkwardly at first, then with greater fervor as he let the music take him over. He and Shuichi exchanged elated glances every now and then when their whirling and exuberant jumping brought them within eyesight of each other, though it wasn't long before they became separated in the tide of people.

---

_Okay, this is bad, but I can fix it… just gotta find Shuichi and Suguru! _

Hiro pushed and shoved his way through the people around him as he frantically searched for his two friends. Seeing Eiri Yuki in a club like Perushana would have been enough to make him spit out his drink in disbelief, but knowing how possessive the guy was over things that he considered to be his property, Hiro was more afraid than shocked. The only reason Yuki would ever step into a place like this was to reclaim something he had lost… or had stolen from him.

_It won't be long before he comes out to the dance floor to look for Shuichi….!_ Hiro didn't bother to deck the people that felt him up as he passed them by, focusing solely on finding Shuichi and Suguru to make a hasty getaway. Bad Luck's night-out or not, he wanted to get the hell away from this place.

"Shuichi!" he tried to shout over the din as a bobbing mass of pink hair surfaced a few feet to his left. He literally mowed people over until he found the baka still dancing his little heart out, uncaring and unknowing about anything but the music pulsing through his veins. Suguru was nowhere in sight.

/Shu/ he mouthed as he gripped his friend's arm desperately, hating to stop his best friend's fun, but still needing to take him to safety/Yuki Eiri's here. I saw him at the bar. We've got to go/

/What? Yuki/ The fear in Shuichi's eyes made Hiro want to annihilate the writer right there and then. /Oh my god. Where's Su-chan/

/I don't know. We've gotta find him and leave- now./

Shuichi's face settled into an expression that Hiro had only seen outside of performing a few times before- the singer was all business now. /We'll both cover the entire area and meet at the back door in fifteen minutes, whether we've found Suguru or not. If we can't find him, then one of us will go back to look and the other will search outside, just in case./ Hiro nodded and turned to go back the way he came, but Shuichi caught his arm and mouthed/Please find him./

/It'll be okay Shu. I won't let anyone hurt you two./

---

After a few minutes, Suguru's senses began to return and his sudden rush of energy subsided. He kept dancing, but he also wondered where he was, and where had Shuichi gone? Was Hiro still at the bar or had he seen Shuichi's note and joined in as well? Suguru had the sudden urge to run to Shuichi, hug him, and never let go- he felt so terribly alone and abandoned in the chaos he was a part of. He wanted to leave.

"HEY!" he cried as a hand slid under his shorts. Suguru whirled around to face the smug face of a woman he had never seen before. She grinned toothily at him, winked, and disappeared back into the crowd. He was about to go after her and demand an explanation when someone else yanked his tail so that he was forced to stumble backward into their arms. He stiffened as something hard stuck him in sensitive areas as the stranger ground against him; Suguru struggled against his tight hold and whirled around when he was released, but everyone had their backs to him. Again and again he was touched, groped, fondled, and passed around like a play toy by older people- /strangers/- his fearful protests unheard or ignored. Anxiety and terror exploded in his chest and he desperately tried to get out of there, Shuichi's wishes be damned; a nagging in the back of his mind was beginning to bear down on his consciousness- it was an odd sense of déjà vu.

-/he was pressed down onto the hardwood floor, hands bound to the leg of the desk, his legs spread apart and tied as well/-

He whimpered as yet another hand stroked the inside of his thigh and briefly grabbed at the exposed skin. Suguru didn't have the bodily strength to fight against the crowd; for every step he gained, he was pushed back another four. He only wanted to find Shuichi and go home.

-/the familiar voice of a young man whispered barbed words coated in honey as he slowly undid the fastener of Suguru's jeans and slid them off to expose the boxers underneath. He then took great care in caressing his chest as one-by-one he undid the buttons of his shirt, all the while murmuring to Suguru in hushed tones, saying/-

Suguru shut his eyes and began to cry softly as the memories began to obscure his vision. He kept fighting, but instead of seeing a mass of strangely dressed people, he saw the blurry outline of someone he knew well.

-/he cried out as the man lowered his head and sucked painfully on his neck/-

Suguru screamed as a pair of rough hands were shoved into his shorts and squeezed. They quickly retracted themselves and Suguru collapsed on the floor, unable to move as the memories washed over his entire body.

-/the young man once again forced his mouth open with his tongue and kissed him repeatedly, biting his lip so hard that it started to draw blood. His hands were busy teasing with Suguru's nipples and gradually hardening them under his smooth and skillful hands/-

He didn't feel it someone picked him up and began to carry him in their strong arms.

-/his soft voice continued to whisper empty assurances as he began to touch Suguru in more sensitive areas, causing the boy to moan unwillingly and arch his back. He hated himself for doing it, responding to this devil's touch, but his body made no distinctions between sin and divine pleasure/-

Suddenly, a touch of cool air brushed over his feverish cheeks, bringing Suguru back to the present, gasping for air and trembling. It took him a little while to calm down and gather his wits and make sense of the intense flashback. However, the scenes and memories soon slipped away from him like water in his hands and he sighed, feeling defeated.

"You okay now?" growled an emotionless voice. It was then that Suguru realised he was being held off the ground, pressed closely against a well-toned chest like a small child.

"Yes…" he whispered uncertainly. Suguru hissed in pain as he was suddenly dropped to the ground, then rolled over on to his back by the stranger's boot, flinching as gravel and shards of glass dug into his skin.

"Good. Because I want to make sure I have the pleasure of beating the shit out of you." The hawk-like eyes of Eiri Yuki trained on Suguru's frightened hazel ones, draining any fight the boy had left in him.

"You fucking slut," Yuki snarled, "you worthless, half-assed piece of shit." Suguru cried out as he was kicked mercilessly in the side. Yuki then stomped on his exposed skin of his stomach and leaned his full weight on the boy, smiling with sadistic pleasure as Suguru screamed and tried to scramble free, only pressing harder and harder. "Tohma said I could go ahead and kill you off on my own just a few hours ago. Apparently, he had a change of heart and killed your parents himself, so that left you to me." Yuki let up and then leant down to grip Suguru by his collar. "He's too impatient when it comes to the dregs of the family- we were supposed to wait until your parents got custody of you again, then kill the three of you and make it look like you did it. But now he's going to get his hands dirty and do it himself. And I get you, Suguru, and I'm going to enjoy every second of this torture before I blow your fucking brains out."

Suguru didn't have any breath or nerve to respond. He only watched with terror as Yuki stood back up and began to pace like a predator, watching him with a cold and calculating gaze. The alley they were in- at least he assumed that was where they were- was completely shut off, the only way in or out being the door just above him to his left. For a second Suguru considered just getting up and trying to get through it, but he knew that Yuki was much stronger and faster and would catch him in an instant. So, instead, he waited, hoping an opportunity would arise.

---

/Hiro, you find him/ Shuichi stood anxiously next to the back door, fidgeting and wringing his hands with worry. He had gone through the place twice and hadn't seen a single sign of the little synth player.

/No/ mouthed Hiro dejectedly. /I even asked around, and the only people who saw him was when we first got here. Everyone on the dance floor is totally clueless./

/Where the hell is he/ Shuichi slumped down to the floor and held his knees close to his chest. /Oh my god, I can't believe this… Su-kun, Su-kun… I'm so sorry…/

/What if… holy shit, Shu/ Hiro knelt down and grabbed Shuichi by his shirt, tilting his head up. /Yuki-/

He didn't even get to finish the sentence as Shuichi immediately snapped into action and looked around wildly. He had seen neither hide nor hair of his former lover, though he had overheard a group of giggling girls talking excitedly about him at the bar. Apparently, he had been looking for someone- a young kid, looked like one of the members of Bad Luck; kind of small with very expressive eyes. He had short, dyed hair and a delicate face.

/Hiro! Yuki wasn't here for me, he wanted Su-kun/ Shuichi kicked himself over and over again for not putting the pieces together sooner- it had been so obvious, but he was such an idiot!

/Huh? Then you think…/ Shuichi nodded. /If Yuki has him, then he won't be here anymore. Shu… okay. You look around outside. I'm going to call for help. Don't worry/ he said, patting his best friend on the head. /If you find them, just trail them and don't let them out of your sight. I'll be back soon./

/Where are you going/

/I'm going to call our crazy managers/ said Hiro with a confident smile.

---

"How's this, eh, Fujisaki? This strike your fancy?"

Suguru remained defiantly silent and instead focused on keeping the memories at bay. It was difficult given the situation he was in, though, and several times he almost succumbed to them. It didn't help that Yuki was doing his best to reenact them. But, being who he was, Yuki wouldn't stoop to actually doing the motions- he stopped just short of kissing him, of teasing him, of undressing him all the way.

But it was still enough to tip him over the edge.

-/the man hanging over him grinned winningly, belying his devious intents as he ghosted his fingers all over Suguru's body. He couldn't help it- he moaned into his masterful touch and unconsciously thrust his hips upward.

"How's this, eh, Fujisaki? This strike your fancy?"

"Nng, Toh-Tohma…"

"I think it does," he purred as he used a finger to trace lazy lines over his cousin's groin. It wasn't long before he had Suguru in his hands, stroking and coaxing him into full hardness, all the while teasing him and playing tricks with the boy's mind. He would be nothing at the end, broken in body and mind. What Suguru's parents had started, he Tohma Seguchi, would finish, with immense pleasure during the entire process/-

"I watched everything from the side, you know that. I saw it all. He broke you so badly we wondered if you'd ever recover."

Yuki was now straddling him, gently teasing the boy's nipples through his shirt. He wasn't sure if Suguru could hear him- his eyes were glazed over with the painful memories he was reliving- but he kept talking, telling the past that Suguru couldn't bring himself to remember.

"Tohma wanted a witness to see the fall of the bastard child who out-lived his legitimate little brother, so I volunteered 'cause I had nothing better to do. Let me tell you, I got hard watching it- between his sexy "master" play and your helpless writhing, it made me seriously consider trying voyeurism when I couldn't get laid. But the point of all this is the fact that you confused the memories, Fujisaki- you've got them all twisted in that fucked-up head of yours." Yuki smiled with grim pleasure as Suguru's breath hitched and he started to convulse, his body remembering the events that his mind was replaying with brutal clarity. "Your parents didn't avenge their real child- Tohma did. And he did it in the cruelest way possible."

"YUKI!"

Yuki turned around and stared at the intruder behind him in a bored manner. Underneath of him, Suguru began to rock his hips and clutch at the loose gravel and glass, slicing open his hands.

"What do you want?"

"Get. The fuck. Off. Of. HIM!"

"Yeah, whatever," he said and stood back up, not caring when he stepped on Suguru as he turned around to confront the small figure before him.

"You fucking bastard, did you touch him?"

"What do you care, Shu?"

"I ASKED IF YOU FUCKING TOUCHED HIM! ANSWER ME!"

Yuki smirked as Shuichi's entire body shook with suppressed rage. "Just enough to bring it all back for him. Though I wouldn't mind-"

"I don't care. I don't give a DAMN about you," he spat. "You're not worth shit to me any more. I fucking hate you, Yuki!" Shuichi sidestepped his former lover and knelt next to Suguru, checking the boy over for any obvious injuries. He didn't like what he found. "You're going to catch hell for this."

"Oh really. I can't wait."

"Then it's fortunate you don't have to suffer the anxiety, Yuki san. I suggest you leave before I forget my promise to the Shacho."

Yuki simply shrugged and exited through the door without another word. Shuichi watched him go, then turned his attention to K, who was glaring after the novelist with intense dislike. Hiro stood behind him uneasily.

"K-san, I…"

"Shindou-kun, I will escort you and Fujisaki-kun home. Reiji-san has already dealt with any potential security threats in the area. Nakano-kun, you will stay with Shindou-kun and Fujisaki-kun to monitor events and report back to me," he said in an even tone that left no room for argument. "You may however go to your residence first and collect whatever you will need to spend the night." Hiro nodded silently and walked over to Shuichi, gripped his shoulder, then went back into the club to head for the entrance. How he and K had gotten there was a mystery.

"Thank you, K-san," Shuichi whispered, holding Suguru's now prone body close to him. This had been a very bad idea after all.

A/N: This chapter is quite different from the previous ones, and I know that it's not consistent with the T rating, but… I also know what ending I want. The plot's finally falling into place and this will hopefully set it all up for the end.

Don't tell me, I know, I abused Suguru and created mass confusion as to what the hell is going on. It'll be resolved in the next chapter. Looks like I'll be a little short on my goal for chapters and length, but… that's it.

Next is Chapter Eleven- Pure Intentions.


	11. Pure Intentions

--- Chapter Eleven- Pure Intentions---

Shuichi idly reflected that if this were an anime or manga series, it would be raining as he stared out the window of the crowded subway car. However, the weather was almost painfully beautiful- balmy with a cool breeze accompanied with a fantastic sunset that he had glimpsed before descending down to catch and board a train.

Behind him, a multitude of strangers primarily dressed in business attire occasionally sent bemused glances his way, but never looked back twice once they met K's sharp eyes. No one wanted to mess with the tall and formidable-looking American carrying what looked like a loaded Magnum. To Shuichi's right, Hiro leaned on the window with his arms folded defensively across his chest, facing the people in the car and silently challenging anyone who had the nerve to look him in the eye. Shuichi himself was bowed down with Suguru's unconscious weight on his back. He knew that they must stand out quite a bit, dressed as they were, but Reiji's giant Panda was in for repairs and K had refused to use his connections to take them home, though no one was sure why that was..

Shuichi's eyes widened as Suguru shifted slightly, burying his face deeper into his neck. The little synth player had yet to actually regain consciousness, though he had nearly surfaced in the train station- he had suddenly stiffened and Shuichi could feel his pulse accelerating rapidly, but once Shuichi had whispered soothingly in his ear and nuzzled him a bit, Suguru had relaxed again and showed no further signs of waking up.

Hiro and K had both been on high alert since they had left Perushana. They seemed to be able to communicate telepathically, holding each other's eyes, nodding, then performing some complex maneouvers around Shuichi and his burden. It would have been comical if not for the gravity of the situation.

Gravity… Shuichi sagged a little bit under Suguru's weight. Sure, he was in good shape, but that didn't mean he was particularly strong. Not like K or Yuki… he shivered a bit at the thought of those two getting into a serious fight. The entire city might have to be evacuated. Shuichi wondered if he could somehow convince K to go against the Shacho's dire orders and assassinate the writer. It certainly would make things a lot easier.

Out of the two men, Yuki was the most dangerous at the moment. Tohma and Yuki were polar opposites in their methods of "persuasion" and made quite the deadly duo. If Yuki's brutal and confrontational tactics didn't work, then Tohma's mind games and stealthy use of proxies would. And since Tohma seemed to be preoccupied with Suguru's parents for the time being, the members of Bad Luck had to go on an actively offensive defence, meaning that all their senses had to be tuned in to the slightest sign of trouble while still being ready to attack at any time. It felt like they were on a hunt; both parties were the prey of each other, it was just a matter of who got a jump on who.

"Shu, want me to carry him? You look beat," murmured Hiro suddenly. Shuichi looked up from his contemplating and stared at his best friend, noticing the worry and care in his eyes. He still wondered how the hell he had managed to find and keep him by his side all these years.

"No, I'm-I'm good. Besides, you're stronger than me, and if Yuki finds us…" he trailed off and looked away, unwilling to finish the thought. It was useless anyway, since both of them knew the implications. They all did.

_Besides, he's my burden to bear. He's never been entirely outward with it, but I know Suguru's been relying on me to help him keep a normal life. It's my turn to help him get that back._

"Destination reached. Commence next phase of plan." K grabbed Shuichi by the wrist and dragged him out as he was still thinking. They were pressed against on all sides again in yet another crowded, noisy station. Hiro scouted ahead and quickly surveyed the area, gave some sort of covert signal that only K understood, and then Shuichi suddenly found himself being pulled at a furious pace towards the exit to the world above. On his back, Suguru moaned and began to become restless, causing Shuichi to divide his attention between wondering what had happened and making sure they didn't lose Suguru. Not sure what to do, he gripped his friend's wrists in his free hand and hoped that would be enough to make sure he wouldn't slip off and be lost in the station. Now, why were they going so fast…?

"K," he gasped, "what's going on? Tell me!"

K glanced at him from behind his shades with an unreadable look, then jerked his head backwards. Shuichi turned around, scanning the crowd as best he could. There were many people in business attire, some groups of teens in outrageous clothing, and the odd tourist, but nothing… there.

Eiri Yuki and Shuichi Shindou made eye contact for a split second.

_SHIT. _Shuichi began to run until he was side-by-side with K, hoping that Suguru would be able to forgive him for jostling him around so much.

They made good time and got back above ground in less than a minute. From there, Hiro pointed to the left and the three of them sprinted, not caring who or what they mowed down along the way. Distancing themselves from Eiri Yuki was the number one priority at the moment. Even if the man wouldn't stoop to actually chasing them on foot, he could just as easily arrive at the apartments before they did. There was nothing Reiji or K could do to actually harm or impede Yuki's progress because of their orders from Tohma, and while this may be a situation of life or death, personal problems and the work place were to never interfere. It would only make both situations worse.

Shuichi glanced behind a few times to see if Yuki was still there, but all he could see were a mass of groaning people getting up after being charged by Bad Luck. He figured that Yuki would somehow get a car and show up to apprehend them at their home anyway- that was more his style. The dramatic appearance from the shadows, then beating the crap out of whoever pissed him off. He could only hope that Reiji had come up with some ingenious plan that would slow the man down enough without violating the Sacho's orders, which might give them the slight edge that they needed to win the race.

_Race. Heh. Who was it that said "survival of the fittest" again? They were right._

He looked up and trusted K, who still had his wrist in a tight grip, to guide him along. Suguru was starting to moan again, a little louder and longer than before. Shuichi half-hoped that meant that he was waking up, but at the same time, he wanted him to stay unconscious until they were home so he could explain things in a quieter setting. He had a feeling that Suguru wouldn't be able to do much but sit quietly and shiver for a very long time after tonight… he didn't know what had happened exactly, but he could only assume that Yuki had either raped him or, judging from what he had said earlier, there were some things that Suguru had neglected to mention last night. … Had it only been a day? Just twenty-four hours? It felt like an entire week had gone by at least.

_I hope this is over soon. I don't want anyone to suffer anymore._

"Shuichi, stay sharp!" barked K. Shuichi stopped looking at the sky between buildings and refocused his attention dead ahead. He recognised where they were- the apartments were just a little ways in front of them. He could see some of the building as well.

_Almost there. Hang on._

His breath was coming out in ragged gasps as they finally entered the lobby and dashed past the receptionists to the elevators. They had seen neither hide nor hair of Yuki, which lifted their spirits a great deal, though they all knew it wouldn't be over until they were safely back in the apartment.

Shuichi stood, shaking and sweating slightly, feeling his heart thump rapidly against his chest. He could feel Suguru's heart beat too- it was almost normal but slightly erratic. His breath came in short bursts against his neck, causing Shuichi to shiver as he tried to resist the urge to scratch the area- he was quite ticklish. Hiro and K stood alert on either side of the doors, ready to deal with any interference. Luckily, their elevator went straight up without a hitch, and as soon as the doors opened, they began to sprint towards the end of the balcony, or rather, tried.

"Kyaa! What's up?" demanded Shuichi after he collided into Hiro. He wished he could rub his smarting nose…

"I'm not sure. Shh," he whispered back. "It looks like Reiji, and… someone else is in front of the door."

"Well, if it's Reiji, then why can't we go? She's on our side."

"It's the other person that we're worried about." Hiro and K held each other's gaze again, leaving Shuichi to wonder when his best friend had become telepathic, then K suddenly turned and marched deliberately ahead. Shuichi was about to follow him before Hiro threw out his arm and caught him.

"Stay here, Shuichi- we're not sure who the other person is yet, and it looks like they're giving Reiji a hard time of it…"

"D-do you think it could be Yuki," whispered Shuichi as he adjusted Suguru's position. Suguru groaned again and tried to snuggle closer, causing Shuichi to blush a little.

"Anything's possible," responded Hiro darkly. "But Reiji and K are more than enough to handle anyone who tries to cross us."

Shuichi sighed and looked over the railing to see the Tokyo skyline. The setting sun ignited the skies in a red and gold blaze of glory, fading out to pink and muted purples and oranges almost directly overhead. He remembered how, on nights when they got home earlier than usual, Suguru would make a mug of tea for himself and watch the sunset. Shuichi had never joined him because he had gotten the impression that that was the extent of Suguru's alone time without work, but he might start barging in now. Time without Suguru was wasted time…

"Ne, Hiro, you and K seem really close nowadays… what's up between you two? And the whole telepathy thing," he blurted out of the blue.

Hiro blushed. "What? We're- ah, well, it's not the time for that right now," he flustered. "Look, K's coming back!" He started forward eagerly in an attempt to hide his embarrassment.

_Yeah, there's something going on between them. But I'll ask later. I wonder who was bothering Reiji…? I hope it's not a minion of Tohma's or anything…_

"It's all clear. The suspect is harmless and had been dealt with." K met them halfway and smiled as he cocked his gun in salute. "Reiji is now inside and scouting the premises."

_Okay! All clear, though I hope they didn't actually harm whoever it was. And how did they get keys to our apartment?_

---

"So, what's our plan of action? We can't ditch those two, but we can't exactly /live/ here with them either. This place just isn't big enough for five people."

"Good point, Hiro… well, two of us can patrol outside and one stay in here with Shuichi-kun and Fujisaki-kun. We'll rotate positions when one person on the outside gets tired. That sound okay?"

"Excellent idea, Reiji- I was about to suggest the same thing. You and I will scout for now- Hiro, stay with the other two."

Hiro, Reiji, and K were all seated around the little café table in the kitchen, a mug of tea each, their grim and serious expressions killing whatever cozy atmosphere Shuichi's obnoxiously cute re-decorating scheme might have created. Even the little Kumogoro salt and peppershakers produced no effect, though they did evoke memories of another slightly addled singer…

"Ryuichi-kun is here too, right?" asked Hiro as he took a sip of his luke-warm tea.

"Yes. He was unable to be deterred from seeing Shuichi-kun," muttered Reiji, "but his presence seems to have a positive effect on our singer's mood and he poses no threat. I know for a fact that while he and Seguchi-san are the best of friends, they don't see eye-to-eye on the triangle that is Shuichi-kun, Fujisaki-kun, and Yuki-san. So he's an ally of ours, for what good that's worth."

"It's worth more than you think, Reiji. Having Ryuichi Sakuma on our side of matters helps us a great deal," said K, smirking with grim satisfaction. "With him here, Tohma won't go so far as to send hired goons after us since he's an innocent in all of this, and he might get hurt." K thumped his fist on the table as he began to grow more passionate; "Also, Shuichi has another close friend to support him in this dark time! Yuki will undoubtedly make some sort of public request for Shuichi to return to him –a brainchild of Tohma's, no doubt- which will cause havoc with the media let slip the dogs of a PR war! When and if this happens, Ryuichi can speak on Shuichi's behalf while we keep him and Fujisaki-kun hidden from sight. The adoring public will be torn between the handsome romance novelist and the legendary front man of Nittle Grasper… it'll all be down to who can spin the most convincing story."

Hiro placed his mug down and folded his hands, staring directly into K's eyes. "You seem so sure about this. I think you're forgetting something huge, though- Tohma is our _boss_. He's also Ryuichi's band mate and a close friend- it's more than likely that Ryuichi will decline to speak on _anyone's_ behalf in order to keep friendships on both sides. He's a very emotionally clingy guy. And I hate to say this, but Tohma can cancel everything we've got planned and drop us from the label at the drop of one of his overly expensive hats. It'll take too much time to get us back to where we were, and I don't think we can switch to XMR now that Reiji broke off her ties there. We'd be finished if we tried to fight back against him."

"That's true, but you've lost sight of things again, Hiro-kun," said Reiji. "I'll admit that everyone involved with Bad Luck down to the lowly studio assistants won't have anywhere to go if they lose their jobs at NGR. We'd be totally done for, through and through. But think about it this way- would you rather have your job and see your friends suffer, or be jobless and know that those you care about have a chance at recovering and starting over?"

Hiro looked at her, surprised, and simply stared. Reiji looked back with a neutral expression, though he could see that she was truly concerned and her words had been entirely heart-felt by the way her eyes shone a little. There was emotion there.

"Reiji, stop stealing my lines! But yes, that's all true- a life with friends is better than a life with… er… a successful job and miserable band mates. Or something like that." K nodded wisely and seemed to agree with his own insights. "I think it's fairly clear that as the managers of Bad Luck, Reiji and I are honour-bound to protect its members. And you, Hiro- as the best friend of both your band mates, you are morally required to protect them as well, or your conscience will kill you."

There was a silence that stretched on while Hiro absorbed this and K and Reiji simply watched him, self-congratulating themselves

"I guess… I still have a lot to learn." Hiro sighed and looked up at the ceiling. "We're no ordinary band, that's for sure…"

"Bad Luck may be living up to its namesake right now, but we're going to get through this and give Tohma something to sweat about! Our tour isn't very far off, and in case you've forgotten, we're going to be on-stage with Nittle Grasper, come hell or high water. That's one of Shuichi-kun's biggest dreams, and I want it realised- we'll beat Tohma at his mind-games and underhanded tricks to wipe out Fujisaki-kun so Shuichi-kun's dreams are realised!"

"Well-said, Reiji! Yes, we will keep Bad Luck alive and kicking so that the tour with Nittle Grasper may go on as scheduled!" K and Reiji stood up in preparation of doing their rounds, yelling excitedly about how Tohma would be brought down to the level of a demi-god instead of the all-powerful being he was now. It was just as they were getting to the part where Tohma would be disgraced and forced to resign as president that Hiro held up his hand and waited for silence.

"… and then we'll take every one of his hats and donate them to relief shelters! Though I really want to burn most of them, especially that one with the feathers... oh, Hiro-kun, do you have something to say?"

"Yeah, Reiji, I do… now it's you guys that have lost sight of the important stuff," said Hiro with an unreadable grin.

"How can you say that, Hiro-kun! We've got to keep Shuichi-kun and Fujisaki-kun safe so that Shuichi-kun's dreams are realised!"

Hiro shook his head, still smiling. "It's not just that. I actually think that Shuichi's forgotten about that for the most part."

"WHAT! THIS IS HIS BIG CHANCE! HE'S GOING TO-" Reiji was suddenly cut off by K's hand on her mouth.

"You're saying that Shuichi-kun's priorities have changed, is that it?" asked K, his eyes glinting strangely.

"Yup. The tour's important to him, sure, but something else overshadows that. He'd even call the thing off if it meant that-"

"Fujisaki-kun was well again. I get it," finished Reiji as she removed K's hand.

"Yeah. So we'll patrol, but also keep in mind that Shuichi won't be dragged away if Suguru has to be left behind. He's got to get better before the baka even goes outside of the house," Hiro said warningly. "We can trust Ryuichi-san to make sure he eats and keeps basic hygiene habits, but everything else depends entirely on how fast Suguru recovers."

"Just like when Yuki-san was his world…" murmured K. "Fine. I'm not sure what we can do without drawing public attention, but I'll look in to getting our little keyboardist pyschoanalysed or something." He and Reiji turned to leave and go outside. "We'll report in about an hour. Keep things under control in here, Hiro."

K was suddenly stopped as Hiro wrapped his arms tightly around him from behind. "Come back safe yourself. Don't do anything reckless, you crazy American…" he whispered.

"I'll come back, I promise. Keep an eye on the others." K squeezed his hand, then unwrapped himself and gave a salute before walking out the door.

"I will. I just hope everyone comes out of this in one piece."

---

"Ne, Shu-chan, I'm sorry… I thought you'd be at home…" muttered Ryuichi miserably as he hung his head. "I wanted to warn you…"

"It's okay, Ryu… I don't think any of us would have been able to stop it. I'm just glad it's over now," he sighed.

"Is it really? What about Su-kun? And Tohma-kun… he… he and Yuki-san…" Ryuichi shivered with fear and clung to Kumogoro. "I didn't think they could be so mean!"

"They… I guess you can't know someone through and through all the time." Shuichi sighed again and stroked Suguru's head.

_You never know someone until they cling to you in the doorway and cry on your shoulder, telling you as much of their horrible childhood as they can before it becomes too much. _

"Right…" Ryuichi scooted closer and clung to Shuichi, pressing Kumogoro between them, crying. "Su-kun's gonna get better, right? Because Yuki didn't actually hurt him, right?"

"He's got some nasty cuts, but they're all bandaged up… it's whether he's the same person or not when he wakes up is the question."

Shuichi put his arm around Ryuichi as he looked down at Suguru. As soon as they had gotten inside and regrouped, K, Reiji, and Hiro had explained that they would keep an eye out for anything suspicious while Ryuichi, Shuichi, and Suguru were to stay in one of the bedrooms. They had accepted this without question and as soon as Hiro helped Shuichi get Suguru out of his costume and tend to the boy's wounds, the three of them had been left alone while the managers and Hiro hashed out guard duty.

"He'll be okay, Shu- you're here for him. That's all he'll need."

Shuichi looked at Ryuichi carefully, surprised by the sudden serious yet sincere tone of voice he used. The childish Ryuichi stared back at him, teary-eyed and on the verge of wailing out loud with pent-up emotions. His personalities that swung back and forth from time to time -the adult Ryuichi and the mental case Ryu-chan- came out at appropriate but unexpected times. No one was used to them yet, not even Noriko or Tohma, and they had known him for years.

"I-I guess…" _I hope…_

"Ne, Ryu-chan… how did you know what was going to happen? Tohma didn't tell you, did he?" asked Shuichi after a few moments of silence.

"Well, no… Kumogoro and I overheard it while we were waiting to surprise Tohma-kun, didn't we, Kumo-chan?" said the singer, unlatching himself from Shuichi to do a puppet show with the pink rabbit. "We were really clever and hid in the bottom drawer of his desk so when he opened it, we'd pop out and say hi! But when Tohma-kun came in, we heard him talking to Yuki-san. They were making bad plans about Su-kun and his parents… I think… Su-kun's parents are… gone now…" Ryuichi began to sob suddenly, curling up into a wailing mass on the floor. "Tohma-kun was so mean and cruel! He wanted to get rid of Su-kun because he was a murderer, and his mommy and daddy because they were poor and it wouldn't look good if people found out! He was so happy about them going away forever…"

"Geeze, what a prick! I can't_ believe _he's Suguru's cousin! I hope he's… wait… what do you mean, he's a murderer? Ryu?" Shuichi urgently poked his friend. "Is Suguru a convict or something? Tell me!"

Ryuichi sniffed and wiped his eyes then looked at Shuichi with a distant, forlorn expression. "You don't know? How much did Su-kun tell you?"

"Just that… he was a mistake, and his parents pretty much hated him, and that Tohma was the only one who was nice to him until he joined Nittle Grasper… then he had a little brother and his parents were going to kill him but mess with his mind first… _jackasses_…"

"So… he didn't tell you what happened after that…" It wasn't a question. The mature Ryuichi was back, sitting up in front of Shuichi, all trace of childish tears gone.

"There's more? I mean, of course there is, but… he grew up and joined Bad Luck, and lived…" Shuichi stumbled on his thoughts and lapsed into silence, realising for the first time that there was still a sizeable chunk of Suguru's life that he didn't know about.

"His parents played mind-games with him, you know that much. His mother was warm and affectionate and bitterly angry with him at unpredictable times, which caused him to withdraw and form that trademark "Seguchi Family Mask" so people at school wouldn't see him breaking apart inside, and he gave his mom so satisfaction of letting her know how much she was damaging him. His father, though, took to roughing him up most days, sometimes actually hefting him up and throwing him against the walls of the house and kicking him when he was down. He was quite careful to avoid hitting Suguru's face, hands, or any other exposed parts, so Japan went on unknowing and uncaring about little Suguru Fujisaki. Even now that he's in a smash-hit band, you and Hiro steal the limelight away. He's not close to a single soul except for you, Shuichi. Just you."

The hard look in Ryuichi's eyes made Shuichi shiver with the deep, deep fear of realisation. Suguru had let Tohma in, hoping to find love, but was left behind instead. His parents –especially mother- toyed with his desperate need for love and broke him a thousand times over. Outside of Hiro and himself, Shuichi had never heard Suguru mention people he saw or talked to regularly for casual things. It was as if…

"Suguru doesn't trust or let anyone in, does he? He's been hurt so many times he'd rather wall everyone off than risk putting himself out there…"

"No, Shu-chan, you didn't listen. I'll repeat myself: he's not close to anyone but you, Shuichi. Just you."

There was no way for him to respond to that. It was impossible. He simply resumed stroking Suguru's head, wishing that he could help the boy somehow. He'd give up singing and even go back to Yuki if that was what it took. Especially to get rid of the label of "murderer" that Tohma had slapped on him for some mysterious reason…

"Ryu, why did Tohma call him a murderer? Suguru spazzes from time to time, but he never… never hurts us badly… just throws things and yells a lot," he whispered, closing his eyes.

"Ryu-chan?" asked Shuichi when he got no response. "How come?"

"I'm not sure if I'm the one who should tell you that. I overheard everything from the course of several years since I met Tohma –once you get him drunk he'll tell you anything and everything- so while I know, it's probably Suguru's place to do it. I'm sorry."

"It's fine, Ryu… you're right. I'll let him tell me." _If he wakes up…_

--- End Chapter 11 ---

A/N: Ugh. This chapter is utter crap! SORRY! TTTT Lotsa stuff happened and before I realised it, it was early July… I'm SO SORRY and I won't be sane for the next month and a half, and the Band Camp starts and then school… Junior year is a BITCH. /3 I want to finish this though! I'M NOT LETTING IT DIE!

… Though if I post more chapters like this, I'll just lose my mind… x.X;;

Thanks for reviewing in my absence….


	12. Everfree

SORRY. I don't think teachers realise that we like to have, you know, LIVES outside of school. Same chappie, but a huge plot piece added on. If it sucks I'm sorry but I did this instead of my Chem. project that's due tomorrow and had to work in between my mom going "are you working on your project or letting your ADD get the best of you?" and my brother harassing me to set up his Xbox Live account… grr…

---Chapter Twelve – Everfree---

"_Welcome home, honey," called a sweet voice. Suguru forced himself to not to shy away as he stepped inside and tried to figure out where his parents were, avoiding piles of trash as he went. The room he was in was otherwise empty. That meant that both parents were in the second one…_

"_Suguru! Come in here and tell us about your day!"_

_/Dad…/ he thought, fear and loathing lacing the word. I know what this means… He dropped his bag and went into the room where everyone slept, perfecting his mask of mild confusion and slight hope, squashing any sort of apprehension that might show. He'd never give them any sort of satisfaction…_

"_There's my boy! Did you have a good time at school?" asked his mom, who was sitting on her husband's lap, a motherly smile on her face. _

"_Answer your mom," growled his dad._

_/I know what you're going to do regardless if I do or don't, my answering the question just determines what kind of beating I get./_ _"It was pretty good. But not much happened."_

"_That's good to hear! I'm glad my favourite son had a good day," she smiled, getting up and walking over to hug him. Suguru relaxed in her grip, forgetting for a moment that she was the enemy._

_He was reminded soon enough._

"_Your father and I had the worst days of our lives!" she screeched suddenly, squeezing him painfully and digging her nails into his back. "He got laid-off and now I'm suddenly too old to continue working! What a thankless world! It's all your fault, too- if we didn't have to pay to keep you alive, we'd be better off!"_

"_You're such a worthless waste of space," spat his dad. "Go off yourself. The world would be a better place!"_

_/Don't I know it. Oh, you have no idea how I'd love to disappear. But that would just make you happy, and I'd lose,/_ _Suguru bitterly remarked inside his head. He said nothing as his mother released him and stepped back so his father could begin to rough him up. It was just another day._

---

_Suguru opened his eyes to find himself staring at an overcast sky. The clouds rushed by overhead at an unnatural pace, and though he could smell rain in the air, everything was dry. So dry, in fact, that it looked like there had been a drought for months. The grass and the trees, everything was a uniform dusty, depressing brown. His own skin was itchy and cracked where it stretched, prompting him to shift around as he was on his back, trying to erase the feeling of never-ending itch._

_A loud crack of thunder made him bolt upright with surprise as it reverberated in his bones. Another boom went off seconds later, causing the ground to shake and Suguru himself to quake in fear. He had never dealt well with storms._

_/Wait, where's the lightning?/ _

_Suguru looked up from his cowering a moment, only to duck his head back in as yet another roll of thunder cracked right over him. But it was enough to tell him that, contrary to what science dictated, there was thunder without lighting. _

_/Something's up. This isn't right./_

_He forced himself to first uncurl, and then to stand as the thunder grew louder and more frequent. Suguru clapped his hands over his ears as they started to throb with the unaccustomed noise level and took a step forward, being careful not to tumble down the steep slope of the hill he had been lying on. As soon as his foot landed, a heavy downpour started. The rain fell in his eyes as he looked up in mild surprise, but he quickly shook his head and continued down the hill. Even though there was no lightning, it still wasn't safe to be in such a prominent area._

_/One step at a time. Yes, I can do this- just one step ahead of the other. The thunder won't bother me once I have shelter…/_

_Suguru glanced around in the sheets of rain, feeling isolated and somewhat apprehensive once he reached the bottom. He couldn't see far in front of him, but all that was there were a few sad, broken trees on an otherwise featureless grass plain. The clouds, however, stopped a few feet yards away, though they continued to race by at their break-neck pace; it was as though something was holding the tail end of the system in place, so that it stayed in one place while moving, like a treadmill. Suguru refused to be distracted by this and kept walking and jogging by turns until he was far away from the strange storm. When he turned around to look back at it, he discovered that it was indeed like a treadmill- there were even people-shaped clouds running on top of it. One was male and the other was female. The bizarreness of it made him stop for a few seconds as he tried to gather his wits._

_/Um. Okay. I must be dreaming… that's the only logical way this –any of this- could be happening…/_

_Knowing that he was actually dreaming this helped him calm down considerably. He took a stabilizing breath, then turned back around and continued to march away. Since it was a dream, he had nothing to worry about any more- it wasn't real._

_It simply could not be real._

_He could not, and would not, be hurt._

_And that would be the end of that._

_Suguru began to hum a calm, cheerful little tune to himself as he continued forward. The landscape was incredibly dull and boring and he chided himself for the lack of imagination behind it, though he did admit that the storm bit was pretty creative. Suguru giggled a little as he was suddenly filled with exuberance. There were no rules here- no one and nothing could hold him back! He was his own master here. Finally, there was a reality far better than the one he had always known, and even though it was only a dream, he could live it out as he wanted. And if his father beat him enough that he was never able to wake up again somehow, then it would be perfect. Providing that he didn't wake up or die, Suguru could live here forever. _

"_So much for my parents and Tohma! Even Yurushi! No one can abandon or torture me here… it's just me… and I can do as I please." Suguru stopped and thought a bit, then imagined that his old synthesizer was right before him, as well as a glass of water and a comfortable chair to sit in. They all appeared in an instant, and Suguru happily sat down to create music._

_---_

_Some time later, Suguru stretched up his hands and yawned. He had been hard at work and had accomplished a great deal, so now it was time for a break. _

_His hazel eyes scanned the horizon and he felt a tinge of loneliness. It really was empty here, in this dreamscape. There was no sound beyond the ones he created, not even an occasional birdcall or buzz of a flying insect. He supposed he could imagine them if he wanted to, but the idea didn't appeal to him very much. Suguru didn't miss the noise –he had always felt that life would be a little more bearable without it sometimes-, he missed companionship. Or, to be more accurate, he wanted to know what it was like._

"_I don't know anyone I'd want to be here with me," Suguru murmured to himself, "but I've always wanted a pet. Maybe a cat, or a dog… or both! I can have both here!" He grinned happily and imagined that the animals were before him, and within seconds they were- a friendly black Labrador and an inquisitive ginger tabby appeared at his feet. Suguru reached over to pick up the kitten and scratch the dog behind its head. _

"_Hey!" he chided as the kitten promptly attacked his fingers. The dog seemed to smile and nuzzled under his hand, wanting more attention. Suguru sighed with mock exasperation and scratched the lab a little harder while still trying to pick up the kitten. He couldn't stay annoyed with something that was so incredibly cute._

"_You guys need names," he said once the tabby was safely on his lap and the dog's head was resting on his knee, the warm brown eyes watching him intently. "I'm pretty sure you're guys, because I'd feel weird with girls here, even if they were animals. So… okay. You," he said as he rubbed the lab's head, "I'm going to call you Hiro."_

_/Hiro… Hiro… that name's familiar to me somehow… but I don't know why. Maybe it's a classmate of mine…/ Suguru shoved the mystery away and focused on the little ball of fur in his lap that was now trying to climb up his shirt. _

"_Don't ask me why, but you're definitely Shuichi. Now stop sticking your claws into my chest!" He tried to gently pull Shuichi off the shirt, but the kitten clung tight. "Come on!" he growled, now using both hands, but it seemed like it was going to be impossible to get Shuichi off without hurting him._

_Shuichi mewled in distress as Suguru's hands clamped a little too tight around his small body. This caused Hiro to stand up and place his paws on Suguru's thighs, putting his face right up close into the action. Shuichi immediately let go of the shirt he was clinging to and stopped struggling, then looked straight up into Suguru's eyes._

_/Do you love me?/ the kitten's bright blue eyes asked; /Do you really?/_

"_Huh? What? I, I…" Suguru faltered and the kitten projected the sense that it was pouting, and would be on the verge of tears if it were actually human. _

_/Suguru, do you love me?/_

"… _I… think so. Yes." _

_/Do I really?/ he asked himself as the kitten immediately perked up again. /And why is this important?/_

"_Ne, Hiro, what do you make of all this?" he asked casually, looking back at the dog who was still perched on his thighs. Strangely, he couldn't feel an ounce of the lab's weight. _

_Hiro's eyes glanced to Suguru's forgotten cup of water. Though he hadn't become thirsty at all in his dream, he had still taken sips whenever he felt his body should have in real life. The dream-water had a different quality to it; it tasted the same as normal water, but it was as though every time he took a sip, he was drinking the essence of pain, despair, hope, joy, sadness, love, melancholy, contentment, freedom, disappointment, frustration, peace, fear, jealousy, exuberance, surprise, and mirth all at once. It made him cautious to not take too much too often._

"_What of it?" he asked, perplexed. What did the strange water have to do with Shuichi? Hiro seemed to sigh, and then opted to go on all fours and walk a short distance away, then plopped himself back down on his haunches and keep a look-out for something. _

"_Huh. Strange…" /Wonder what it's about, but I guess it's not so important… Shuichi seems happy anyway. He's easy to please./ Suguru continued to gently stroke the kitten's head with two fingers, his stomach fluttering with an unknown feeling as the tiny creature purred for all he was worth. /But why do I feel so different? I've never felt like this before; it's almost as though I'm actually… **attached**… to him. Which I guess is alright since he's a cat and can't hurt me like a human would, but they way he looked at me… someone else did that once. No, a lot. But I never recognised what it was…/_

_A rapid series of still frames ran through his head, each and every one of a young man with pink hair and violet eyes, every expression one could think of on his face in each snapshot. Suguru clapped his hands to the sides of his head and groaned, causing Shuichi to stop purring and nudge his hand in worry._

_/Sh-Shuichi…/_

_Suguru didn't notice when the kitten started batting at his hands –sharp claws extended in panic- and meowing loudly. He didn't realise when Hiro, alerted by his little friend's distress, quickly got up and came to investigate, nudging his hands and licking any part of Suguru's face that he could get to, whining with worry._

_/Shuichi!/_

_More snapshots rushed through his head, this time of a good-looking young man with long brown hair, often smiling tenderly. Sometimes he frowned with worry, other times he was yelling with rage, but more often than not, he seemed like a relaxed, caring person._

_/Hiro./_

_Still more cascaded on his consciousness as the animals continued to try to get him to respond to something. Suguru saw moments of daily life with Shuichi and Hiro in the recording studio, sometimes with K and Sakano, sometimes without. He saw Tohma and his wife Mika on their wedding day looking like the happiest people in the world. Eiri Yuki's tortured expression and Tohma's murderous face when he learned about the night of the real Yuki's murder was followed by Ryuichi's childishly happy grin as Noriko presented him with a Kumogoro snack behind the stage before a Nittle Grasper performance. Suguru saw Shuichi's face for the first time again, he saw his first performance before a live audience on the stage with Bad Luck as a support member, he saw the day where Tohma left him behind for good._

_Suguru saw everything that had ever happened in his life._

"_Yurushi," he whispered painfully as his little brother's face caught for a second, halting the continuous flow. "Yurushi. Yurushi. Yurushi." Shuichi began to nip painfully at his already scratched and bleeding hands, but Suguru didn't move. He couldn't. Fear, a mind-crushing fear, had him paralyzed._

"_I ki-…"_

_The frames sped by faster than ever, until they blurred into something like a scene from a horror movie…_

_---_

It was deathly quiet in the house. The light of a street lamp filtered through the blinds, illuminating the dust motes that seemed to hang in stasis, casting irregularly shaped bars of alternating light and dark as they fell upon the forms of four sleeping people in a tiny room. Occasionally, a bitter wind whistled through the city, seeping in to the invisible cracks of buildings and chilling the bones of the unconscious.

Suguru was lying on his back, fully awake. He glared at the ceiling above with dull brown eyes, listening to the regular breathing of his family all around him; it seemed to echo in the tiny space, gradually crecendoing and growing soft at unpredictable times. There was a fire smoldering in the back of his consciousness, keeping him awake, making him incredibly sensitive to every aspect of his environment- he listened and breathed with the wind, exhaling in a rush whenever it blew by. His fingers twitched when he heard the quiet skittering of vermin inside the wall he was being pressed against on his left. His heart thumped in his chest. He felt, at that moment, incredibly alive- more so than he ever had before. The fire inside of his being was rapidly growing, already having been started a decade ago, and now he was finally ready to cut a bright swath of light through the darkness that permeated into every aspect of his life.

Suguru was ready, at long last, to make his move against what seemed to be his fate.

He waited until his parents were undeniably asleep. Yurushi, sleeping next to him on a second-hand futon, turned from side to side in his sleep as though he subconsciously felt his older brother's energy. A few times, he would roll over and loosely wrap his arms around Suguru's, nuzzling his forehead against it. It would have been cute, maybe, if the little guy wasn't treated as if he walked on water.

---

"Yurushi," whispered Suguru as loudly as he dared, "Yurushi, wake up."

"Uwaaah? Big brother, what-"

"Shh! Don't wake mom and dad up!" said Suguru quickly, holding up a finger to his lips. Yurushi sat up slowly and scrubbed his eyes, yawning.

"What time is it?" he asked sleepily, barely managing to stay awake.

"It's very early in the morning. I'm sorry I woke you up like this, but I forgot that tomorrow is mom and dad's anniversary, and I had something I wanted to give them when they woke up in the morning," Suguru whispered hurriedly, gently placing his hands on Yurushi's shoulders and massaging him a little to get his blood moving. "It's a surprise."

"Oh? Okies, Su-chan, let's get it for them." Without asking for further elaboration, Yurushi stood up, stretched a little, and began to carefully pick his way to the door. Suguru blinked at the simplicity of it, but quickly stretched himself and followed his little brother into the dark little corridor.

"Did we wake them up, Su-chan?" asked Yurushi anxiously once Suguru was next to him. "I was careful…"

"No, you did a good job. Now we can really surprise them in the morning!" Suguru smiled at him.

"Where is it? Where'd you hide it? How big is it? Is it red? I like that colour," Yurushi started to babble quietly, his eyes shining with excitement now that he was awake. Suguru smiled down at him fondly and hugged him close, just for a moment, feeling their small frames press against each other. When he released him, Yurushi gave him the sweetest grin he had ever seen from a kid.

"It's in the bathroom, Yurushi- that's the only place I could hide it without it getting smelly or seen."

"Oh, okay! Can I see it, please? Please please please please?" he eagerly begged. "I promise I won't tell!"

"'Course. Come on," Suguru said, opening the door and gesturing for his little brother to step in first. He then quietly clicked the door shut behind.

"Didja hide it in the cabinets, Su-chan? 'Cause it'd get REALLY smelly if you hid it in the potty," Yurushi giggled.

Suguru snorted softly. "I'm not _that_ stupid, Yurushi. Of course I didn't put it in there."

"Where is it?"

"Hmm… guess." Suddenly, Suguru's voice took on an edge of nervousness. But he still felt driven, alive. So very much alive.

Yurushi shifted with some slight discomfort in the enclosed space. As small as the two of them were, there was really only room for one of them at a time. And Suguru was getting bigger- he was twelve years old! To Yurushi, Suguru seemed to have infinite wisdom and knowledge, and especially talent. He trusted him to do something special for their parents, even if they seemed to be a bit distant from his older brother.

"The cabinets! That's the only other place!" he exclaimed, still whispering for the most part. The charged energy that was being trapped in the room was starting to make him even more excited.

"Alright. Wanna look inside? I'll lift you up." Suguru clasped his little brother by the sides as Yurushi nodded excitedly, his big brown eyes shining with excitement. He really was an adorable little kid…

"Ne, Su-chan, there's just our toothbrush and toothpaste in here. Did you forget where you hid it?" said Yurushi, frowning.

"Nah. I know it's in here."

"But there's nothing-"

"Trust me. I'm leaving it here."

"Huh?" Yurushi turned around to peer into his brother's face with curiosity as soon as both of his feet were back on the dirty floor. "But you said it was already here."

"… I lied." Suguru looked up and directly into Yurushi's wide eyes. "And I have to do this, before the fire goes out." Yurushi gazed at him, puzzled, but didn't say anything as Suguru caught him by the waist and drew him in close again. "Before I die again."

"Su-chan, you're alive," murmured Yurushi into his shirt. "I hear your heart." Suguru was silent for a few seconds as he removed his hand, clinging to his little brother all the harder with his other arm. "Yeah, I definitely hear your heart- it's going 'babump, babump, babump' pretty fast. Are you scared, Su-chan?"

Suguru and Yurushi stared at each other briefly.

"Nah. Just… alive, I guess." His voice wavered.

"See, you're alive, like me and mom and dad," Yurushi smiled, sweetly and sincerely.

Suguru winced, shut his eyes, then sighed.

"Sorry."

And with that, he proceeded to cut his brother to pieces.

--- TO BE CONTINUED ---

I know that cliff's terribly bad and horrible. In more than one way. But I felt like crap for not updating, again…

So… Junior year is a real pain in the ass… and I suck at time management.

But I hit a milestone in my life- I didn't stop when American Pie came on, I just paused for a second. And angsted some more for a few hours. (I _really_ miss CTY.)

Does anyone else wish they got some sort of switch that flipped the presence of their family on and off?


	13. Pang

Disclaimer: I don't own Gravitation, nor am I profiting off of this in any way, other than satisfying some crazy fangirl desires. :)

If it doesn't flow right or make sense, I apologise- I wrote this in one two-hour block. -sigh- I felt too much like a detestable person for not putting time into it for such a while... let me know what I need to fix or didn't get right, please...

---Chapter Thirteen – Pang---

There had been few times where Suguru had woken up screaming- only two that he could remember in his life. Both were when he was very young; once as a small child after a frightening nightmare, and the other the morning after his brother's death.

At least when screamed the third time, he wasn't so alone.

It took at least an hour, according to Hiro, to calm everyone down- Suguru had started to "scream bloody murder" as Reiji had tactlessly put it, which only set Shuichi and Ryuichi off when he wouldn't stop. Things had finally quieted down when Ryuichi had been moved to another room and Suguru had screamed himself hoarse, leaving Shuichi as the only one to be shut up.

"I'm very, very sorry," apologized Suguru, forcing himself to speak, "I don't know-"

"Shh, s'okay, s'okay…" Shuichi held him close and gently ran his fingers through his hair. It was surprisingly relaxing.

"We would just like to know the cause of the disturbance… if you can tell us, that is." Reiji sat opposite them, sipping a mug of tea. If she was trying to come off as caring, she was doing a bad job of it.

Suguru met her steady gaze and didn't say anything. He couldn't. What defense could he possibly have if they knew the truth? Even Shuichi would leave him…

"Suguru…" Shuichi gently squeezed him and dared to ghost a kiss on his cheek. He'd support his friend no matter what! Hiro leaned against a wall, waiting patiently. He knew trying to force it out of the kid would only make matters much worse… and why was it a big deal, anyway, if it was just a bad nightmare? Suguru was under a lot of stress- it wasn't entirely unexpected. Reiji simply waited, sipping her tea and keeping her eyes locked on her charge's. The silence gradually grew heavy as Suguru searched for words to satisfy their curiosity and worry. Several times, he tried to speak, but his will died as soon as he took in a breath to do so. There was nothing he could say. Suguru could lie, but that wouldn't help his situation or theirs, and in all honesty… he was tired of running away from it all.

"So I guess you're going to keep hiding whatever the hell's bothering you. Fine. That's fine. I have to go back up to K anyway." Rage abruptly stood up and stalked out of the room, mug tightly clenched in one hand. She slammed the sliding door behind her, causing everyone to wince. Suguru exhaled slowly. Maybe it would be easier without her overwhelming presence…

"Why's _she_ so pissy?" asked Shuichi hotly. "It's like she's only out to make a profit off of us sometimes… would it kill her to admit she cares, even a little?"

"That _was_ her caring. Shuichi, you of all people should know how Rage handles 'nice' emotions," Hiro replied.

Shuichi shook his head and adjusted his loose grip on Suguru. "She's still a bitch, if you ask me."

"I didn't, but okay, thanks for letting us know." said Hiro with too much cheer. Sobering, he came to sit down in front of his friends, gazing at them levelly before he spoke again. "I have to go up in a half hour to relieve K. And, I… well, let's do it this way. We're going to play a game." He half-smiled as Shuichi's eyes glimmered with excitement. The guy never really changed. "We're each going to admit something very personal. It doesn't have to be your deepest, darkest secret, but it should be something you wouldn't want to tell anyone else but us. We're not allowed to laugh at each other, though we can ask questions for further details. Deal?"

Suguru nodded as Shuichi cheered. He knew what Hiro was doing, and he'd be grateful to him later, once he didn't feel as though his heart would cleave in two at any moment.

"Alright, I'll start. I-er… well, K and I are… 'together'," Hiro finished weakly. Suguru and Shuichi stared, genuinely surprised for a few moments, then bombarded him with questions. For how long? What about Ayaka? What about K's family? What about the public image of the band? "Hey, slow down!" he cried, laughing. "Alright. How long? About… a few weeks, give or take. If you two were observant at /all/, you'd have noticed that Ayaka and I broke up some time ago. We're still talking and hang out sometimes, we're just not dating. K's family doesn't know and he doesn't care- he broke up with Judy, and he's fighting for custody of his son, but it's hard when he's stuck in Japan and the case is being held in America. We're keeping it under wraps for as long as possible- it's easy, since we're not as conspicuous as /some/ people." He grinned as Shuichi sheepishly ducked his head. "Alright, Shu- your turn."

"Mmm, well…" He pondered seriously for a few moments. "Can I pass? I wanna save mine."

"Sure, but you have to promise to tell." Shuichi gave a thumbs up. Hiro nodded. "Suguru, it's up to you."

Suguru gulped down a sudden surge of panic as Shuichi gently squeezed his hands. This was it. Slowly, he closed his eyes and breathed in and out, calming down as much as possible. When he was under control, he searched for a way to present his secret- should he include back-story, or just let it tumble out? Should he defend himself? Would they understand? Would they still be there for him?

There was only one way to find out. He drew in a long breath, held it, then exhaled, and said: "I killed my brother when I was twelve. I couldn't take it any more. I stabbed him on the eve of my parent's anniversary. … Ripped him to pieces." Suguru's calm tone contrasted sharply with his haunted features. "I'm not worth a damn thing- I should have died years ago. It should have been the other way around. Yurushi was loved… I should have listened to my dad-"

"NO!" screamed Shuichi, causing the others to jump a mile. "No, no, no, no, no! S-Su-chan, n-no…" he collapsed into tears and firmly pressed his friend to him.

Suguru said nothing as Shuichi clung to him and sobbed into his shoulder from behind. He let his whole body go limp and surrendered himself to his friends, who would now decide his fate. He had done it. There was no relief from the iron weight cleaving his heart in two, no miraculous sense of being free- just a blissful state of apathy and acceptance of punishment. Hiro would probably refrain from doing serious physical harm and instead opt to ignore him. Shuichi would probably scream, cry, throw things and hit him a couple of times, but end up leaving him behind too. Bad Luck would leave him to decide his own sorry future… which he planned to cut drastically short.

Hiro was thunderstruck. He watched, numbly, as Shuichi continued to wail senselessly and Suguru allowed his body to become a rag doll, clearly succumbing to dark and hopeless thoughts. Of all the things… that was what he was least expecting. Suguru had a little brother? And he _murdered_ him? Was that why Yuki and Tohma were chasing them down- Suguru was to be brought to justice? No, that should have been done years ago. Then why…?

Hiro's mind raced furiously, trying to put everything together. Suguru had a terrible, terrible secret. Yuki was prowling around like a cat would around its prey, trying to get Shuichi back to his side. Ryuichi knew something and had showed up here, just when the chase was getting hot. Yuki had all but raped Suguru outside Perushana- why? What was Tohma doing and whose side was he on? Shuichi… he didn't even know what was up with him. What the hell was going on?

"Lost?" asked Ryuichi from the doorway. "I don't blame you."

"R-Ryu-chan, what do y-you mean?" sniffed Shuichi.

"Poor Hiro here's only got parts of the story. And you've got most of it, but not everything," he replied as he walked in and closed the door behind him. He came over to sit with the other three. "I'm going to clear it all up, okay? I know everything."

"… Then please, tell us, what's really going on?" asked Hiro slowly. _I'll never get used to him like this… this serious Ryuichi…_

"Alright. To start from the beginning… Suguru was a bastard child. His parents were poor, but eked out a living nonetheless- his mom was a whore, and managed to become pregnant after a night on the job. Having a child to care for drove the family straight into poverty. No relatives helped them out… they were the 'odd cousins' of the family. Suguru was treated harshly but almost fairly- he learned not to cry for attention early on, and his mother cared for him, however grudgingly. Killing him was out of the question… mother's instincts can override even the most practical of desires.

"Two years later, they had their own legitimate son, Yurushi. They gave him everything they could- food, love, toys, anything they could afford or find. Suguru was forgotten about unless either of his parents needed something to let their frustrations out on. He tried as hard as he could to be invisible and escape a beating every day.

"Tohma saw him when he looked into why he never saw one part of his family. He was aloof and didn't fully understand how dire Suguru's situation was, but invited his little cousin to have a place with him in his life; he played with him, helped him buy his uniform and books, even gave him a synth to practice on for his tenth birthday. The Seguchis were always well-off, so I guess it was almost like Tohma was on a perpetual field trip, seeing how the "others" lived. Tohma became Suguru's light in life- when he had a bad day at home or school, he could always count on his cousin to cheer him up. He hung around with Yuki too, when he showed up with Tohma.

"I guess I should explain now that when Suguru was in elementary school, Tohma was in the middle of college. That's about the time Nittle Grasper started getting big. Soon enough, Tohma stopped dropping by and Suguru was abandoned. There were no pleasant distractions from his miserable existence- he lived in hell, surviving only because he didn't want his parents to "win". He'd "lose" -give his parents what they wanted- if he died.

"Yurushi followed him everywhere… looked up to him like most younger brothers do, and trusted him with his whole heart. I don't know much else about him, other than he was a pretty average kid- nothing like his genius older brother. He seemed to notice the disparity in how their parents treated them, but he was too young to understand. He trusted and loved Suguru even as he was being murdered. Anything Suguru did was okay.

"When his parents found out, they nearly beat Suguru to death. Tohma stepped in again, through mere coincidence- we had just come off a huge tour and he wanted to say hello. He tried to find family members who would house his cousin while he dealt with his aunt's and uncle's grief. He only paused long enough to ensure that Suguru was not going to be kicked out of the family until he was out of college before he came back to the band and continued to make music. In the meantime, Suguru's parents swore revenge and Suguru himself was constantly passed from one household to another, until another 'strange cousin' kept him… she was a closet nymphomaniac. Naturally, Suguru ended getting caught up in her activities when she brought someone home, though as far as I know, he was never… penetrated. Some people just like young boys…" Ryuichi shrugged. "And after that, you know pretty much everything else- he left the same night that Shuichi left Yuki. Some would call that fate," he added with a smirk.

Hiro glared at him. "And how does Tohma come into everything else? I still don't get it. I don't know why he'd be going after Suguru like he is, even after everything you've told us."

"Ah… that… I nearly forgot." Ryuichi sighed and tilted his head back. "Well, I'm sure you know how… powerful he can be. Tohma's the kind of person that will do anything to stay on top of the competition, even if that threat is close family. His whole side of the family is like that. And he knew, somehow, several years ago that Suguru would grow into a rather large enemy of his. Probably because as a young boy Suguru was already quickly showing that he could master anything that he applied himself to with less effort than even Tohma himself. At any rate, our dear president set in motion a plan that would kill two birds with one stone. It's only because of Shuichi here that he could possibly achieve a third kill as well."

"Wha?! What do I have to do with it?!" demanded Shuichi. "If Tohma thinks he can use me to hurt Su-chan, he's got another thing coming!" he shouted as his eyes blazed and he clutched Suguru to his chest. Suguru said nothing, appearing to be completely detached from the world itself.

Ryuichi smirked again. "He's really clever, don't you realize that? And how else do you think he got Yuki-san involved? Our beloved writer probably wouldn't care less if there wasn't anything in it for himself."

"I don't get it. Just tell me!"

"Shu… Ryuichi's saying that Yuki wants you back. That's why he's here," said Hiro. Slowly things were starting to make sense…

"No shit! But how am I related to what Tohma's planning?!"

"Look at you two. Look how close you are," said Ryuichi coldly. "If something were to happen that would permanently separate you two, what do you think would happen?" Without waiting for a reply, he went on: "Tohma knows how each of you operates. You, Shuichi, would be lost and confused, blaming yourself and anyone else you could think of, and you'd most likely end up crawling back to Yuki if the man held out his smallest finger out to you. Suguru would likely kill himself. If he didn't, though, Tohma would keep him around to amuse himself when he got bored. Either way, he gets what he wants."

Contemplative silence followed Ryuichi's analysis. Each member sat with their own thoughts, heads and hearts weighed down with the implications of the singer's words.

_Su-chan… he'd be destroyed… that bastard… that bastard! I hate Tohma! And Yuki's no better!_

_Shuichi's pissed and Suguru's utterly hopeless, but it looks like Hiro's getting it…_

_Something still doesn't make sense. Tohma wants to break up Shuichi and Suguru so they no longer pose a threat to him, and I understand how he's going about it, but something's still missing… what about that first target of his? What was his plan he set in motion? Why did Yuki go so far as to nearly rape Suguru if all he wants is Shuichi… is he that desperate? No, there's something more… something Ryuichi isn't telling us…_

"Ryuichi. There's still more you have to tell us," Hiro said flatly as he looked directly into the other man's eyes.

Ryuichi's expression darkened and he looked reluctant to go on. "Alright. I'll keep it short and spare the details, since this is where it gets really nasty." Shuichi looked up, confused and still indignant, while Suguru continued to stare blankly at his crossed legs.

"The other 'bird', so to speak, was Suguru's family. Tohma became incredibly prideful and very egotistical as soon as Nittle Grasper broke through into the mass media. He didn't want anyone finding out about the black sheep and their petty drama, lest it besmirch his and his family's name. But if he was too obvious about it, it would backfire and the news would reach every corner of Japan in an instant. So, he laid some traps and waited. While Suguru was away, he helped his mother and father find respectable jobs and get themselves out of poverty. And while Suguru was being shuffled from home to home, he took him in for a time in between tours. He… sowed the seeds for what's going on now during that time." Ryuichi shut his eyes and breathed deeply for a few minutes as Shuichi and Hiro waited anxiously. "Remember how I said Tohma loves power and would do anything to stay on top? Well…" he hesitated. "I hate to be the one to tell this- it's despicable beyond words. But… alright." Ryuichi exhaled and appeared to gather himself. "While Suguru was staying with him, Tohma did everything he could to make him happy. They went on little trips to places Suguru had never been before, wrote and played music together, and grew even closer as they talked and admitted their shortcomings to each other. It was the best part of Suguru's miserable existence- a high that seemed like it would last forever.

"Then, on the night before Tohma had to leave to go on tour again, he and Suguru were cuddling on the couch while watching a movie. Suddenly, Yuki knocked and came in, a video camera in his hand.

"'Yuki-san! Are we going to make a movie?' asked Suguru excitedly.

"'You know, Tohma, I could swear that little brat isn't the Suguru I used to know if you hadn't told me how much he had improved since you took him in,' said Yuki with a hint of a smile.

"'He's definitely the little boy we'd walk to school with,' replied Tohma. 'I see you're ready.'

"'Of course.' Suddenly, Yuki's almost friendly demeanor changed. 'Let's get this over with.'

"'Right.' Tohma's affable grin suddenly turned chilly and cruel.

"'… What's going on, Tohma-kun? Are we making a movie?' Suguru was worried, but ironically enough, he trusted his cousin to the exact same degree that Yurushi had trusted him.

"'Something like that.' Tohma said no more and gripped Suguru by the wrist, half-dragging him into the bedroom that they shared. Yuki followed silently, an ominous presence that intensified Suguru's sense of something being dangerously wrong. His questions and pleas, however, were ignored.

"'How are we doing this?' asked Yuki once the door had been closed. 'You realize his voice is high enough to go through the walls of the apartment, don't you? I don't want to get caught being involved with this, not when I'm finally starting to get noticed.'

"'Don't worry, I've planned for everything. I don't want to ruin your career as a writer before it's even begun. Suguru… come here.' Suguru stepped forward hesitantly, ignoring the instinct to run as best he could. His cousin wouldn't do anything wrong to him… Tohma-kun was always looking out for him…" Ryuichi suddenly cut off and shook his head in disgust. "I'm sorry, I'm trying to rush this… I'm actually leaving out quite a bit of what was said- I'm just giving you the idea so you know just how reprehensible Tohma's actions were."

"It's… it's okay, Ryu-chan, just do the best you can…" said Shuichi softly.

"Thanks. Okay…" Ryuichi took another deep breath and began again: "Suguru trusted Tohma completely, enough to ignore his senses that had saved him some trouble with his parents in the past. Tohma kept talking kindly to him as he bound and gagged him, telling Suguru how wonderful their movie was going to be as long as he cooperated, how they'd watch it together when Nittle Grasper came back from tour again, and how Yuki would make sure it was edited so it looked professionally done by the time they were all together again. Suguru nodded and became excited- he must be getting tied up because he was going to be rescued from some sort of evil by his god-like cousin, just as he had been in real life.

"'Come on Tohma, hurry up,' growled Yuki. 'Stop pretending it's not going to end badly and just-'

"'Yuki,' Tohma said softly as he cut off his friend, 'I'm going as fast as I can. And it's not going to end badly…' he glanced at his cousin's bewildered expression. 'Not for me, at least.'

"After that, Yuki turned on the video camera, and recorded every second of Suguru's torture as he was brutally raped and beaten by his savior of a cousin."

Shocked silence filled the whole room after Ryuichi finished. There was nothing anyone could say, neither in rage or disbelief. Hiro leaned against a wall and seemed to be furiously putting pieces together, finally understanding everything- Tohma had planned all of this from the start, the sadistic freak that he was. All for pride and prestige, too. It made him sick. He didn't have to grasp blindly to figure out what had most likely befallen the Fujisakis- they were probably dead or dying now that Tohma had deemed the time was right to secure his image from the probing masses. Suguru was the last one, and after that, he'd be alone- there would be no competition to threaten his position at the top of the heap. It was enough to make him want to kill the guy!

Shuichi didn't care for Tohma's devious plans, choosing to leave that to smarter people like Hiro and K. Instead, he focused on the fragile boy in his arms, seething with anger and a strong desire to smash his boss's smug face into a bloody pulp. Tohma Seguchi was a monster, and Suguru was like a beast captured in his lair for his own sick amusement. Well, it would take a kind and loving hero like Shuichi to rescue him and bring him back to a home that wouldn't belittle or scar him for the sake of deviant pleasures! He'd protect Suguru at all costs- even if that meant losing his job, his home, or his life.

Ryuichi watched Suguru intently. The boy had remained silent and completely unresponsive through the whole thing, but he was sure that he had heard everything. He also had no doubt that Suguru would come out of his shocked state. It was only a matter of how sane he would be when he came around that determined whether or not he'd be able to recover.

Hiro stood up. "… I have to go and relieve K," he muttered, and opened the door to leave.

"Hiro. Will you tell them?" asked Ryuichi.

"… Yeah," he said lifelessly, and closed the door behind him.

"Do K and Reiji really need to know?" asked Shuichi almost immediately. "I mean-"

"Yes. They do, if they're going to stand any chance against Tohma and Yuki. They need to know what they're dealing with here."

"I… I guess I understand…" Shuichi clutched Suguru to himself. Suguru let his head fall back and land on his friend's shoulder as he continued to stare blankly ahead, just like a doll. "It's just, how could he not have told us before?! It's impossible to forget something like that happening to yourself!"

"Shu-chan… think about it!" replied Ryuichi earnestly, his eyes shining and he suddenly leaned forward. "Why would anyone want to remember something so horrible? If it didn't make a person want to kill themselves, if they somehow managed to live through the initial trauma, they'd want to go on in any way possible- and that means forgetting all about it! Suguru went on as if it had never happened- as if the whole first twelve or thirteen years of his life had never happened that way. As far as he was concerned, he was a single child whose parents worked a lot and weren't very happy people. Would you be able to live normally if you had something like what Suguru experienced weighing on your mind every day?"

"I… I guess… not," admitted Shuichi slowly. It was terrible to place himself in his friend's position- he couldn't imagine what it would have been like. Not even being roughed up by Yuki was enough to help him empathize with the sheer magnitude of horror and hopelessness that Suguru had struggled through. "It's amazing he didn't die… that he lived through it all…"

"Isn't it, though? Suguru's made of stronger stuff than even Tohma guessed, I think," replied Ryuichi thoughtfully.

"I'm going to help him get through it! I promised him I'd never leave, and right now he needs me- I'll do whatever it takes." Shuichi drew himself up. "I don't care what happens to me as long as Suguru gets well again! I'll take on all of Japan if I have to, with my bare hands!"

Ryuichi smiled kindly. "Go to sleep, Shuichi, you're tired. I'll keep watch here."

"I'm n-not tired…" he protested, barely managing to stifle a yawn. "At least I w-wasn't until you said I was!" Suddenly his eyes became heavy and his head nodded forward despite himself. "Jerk…"

"It's okay. Just lay down." Shuichi complied and half-dragged himself and Suguru to a futon behind them. After he had gotten Suguru settled in, he stripped down to his boxers and snuggled underneath the warm blankets, and was asleep almost as soon as his head hit the pillow.

"He's an interesting kind of guy, isn't he, Suguru-kun?" asked Ryuichi softly. Suguru's expression didn't change, but he refocused his gaze on to the older singer. "I don't expect you to talk, just to listen to me. Yuki's prowling around this apartment almost non-stop. Tohma will be here soon, I think- at least within the next few days. Your parents are dead. We're trapped here, and whatever they might tell Shuichi, your managers and maybe even Hiro know we don't stand a chance if Tohma and Yuki decide to come together. We'll have no choice but to open the doors to them and let them inside. When that happens, you have to be ready to defend yourself and Shuichi. You have to be much stronger than you are right now." Suguru briefly glared before his expression became neutral again. "It's the truth, Suguru-kun- it's time you stopped running from it. You've done an amazing job so far by telling as much as you have, but it's not over yet. Can you promise me you'll be ready to take on Tohma and Yuki when they get here?"

Suguru nodded just the slightest bit.

"Good. That's all I needed to be sure of. You can sleep now," he said. "Shuichi and I will be here when you wake up."

Suguru sighed and closed his eyes, falling back into blissful, forgetful sleep.

---

A/N: I'm not dead! (Yet.) I'm terribly sorry for taking so long… I had to regather all those threads that I had going… I hope I didn't do too horribly on this chapter… between getting a job and a driver's permit and HOMEWORK ON STEROIDS ZOMG, it's been… hateful. Oh so hateful. --

So… I have a feeling the next chapter will be the last one. Who wants an epilogue:D


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